New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

Yes, people don't half love grabbing the red flag/LTB end of the stick. OP has updated that she and DP have had a grown-up conversation about this, have both owned up to their initial anxiety-driven responses, and admitted that they find blending families isn't always a walk in the park. The fact that they can discuss things further, this time without flying off the handle, sounds like the basis of a good relationship to me, and bodes well for the happy-ish family life that's all any of us can hope for!

Bedroom size is always an issue with DC, blended or not. One solution, to take all the emotion around unfairness out of it - is simply to offer the one who doesn't get the big room extra pocket money, or some other form of compensation.

I agree, @MixedFeelingsNoFeelings and, as a few of us have suggested, allow the girl to choose decor and maybe new furniture.

Master bedroom to adults, the 2nd largest to the 2 sharing.

Dont all kids get to choose their own decor, within reason?

It doesn't matter who is paying what, for everyone on here bringing that up.

In a relationship, it's meant to be equal. Not all contributions are financial.

Kids get everything equal, regardless of their respective parent's salary.

But kids sharing need the bigger room.

If this much stress is being caused already, moving in together needs a rethink.

The adults have the master, the 2 sharing have the biggest room, the 2 singletons have the smaller two rooms. Only reasonable answer really, 2 in 1 room means more stuff and more space needed.

If he won’t budge I’d pull out of the sale. This is a man who is stubborn to the point of being irrational and I couldn’t tolerate that. He refuses to see logical sense and his dd is spoilt for not accepting a smaller room when she doesn’t even live there. So an irrational man and his spoilt princess of a dd should not be trumping everybody else’s needs.

Doesn’t that go without saying after they reach about five?

So the thread has concluded then? (I admit I didn’t read the full thing). Everything is sorted.

The fact that you are 'dreading' living with his daughter is a problem. Why is that and how do you plan to get around that? She could be living with you full-time.

If he's saying he's not budging then just say forget living together, this is wrong. Show him these responses for starters! Pathetic behaviour and we wonder why kids are spoilt little shits having rarely heard the word NO!

We are planning on extending the house, the room situation would only be a short term fix.

It's not only the room situation that caused the problem, it's the fact that your DP, in your own words...

He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it.

So he isn't showing much compromise..

Whether his DD is full time there or not she shouldn't be able to have the bigger room while 2 others are put into a smaller one just because she wanted it.

Had this of been a 2 parent x 4 sibling family I expect the larger of the rooms would have automatically been assigned to those sharing with no questions.

No. Did you not understand why I said that? Would you like me to explain?

Personally, I wouldn't ask a 21 year old child to move out so I could move in with a new partner. Your mileage may be different.

I’ve read the first two pages.

why don’t you and dp have the smallest room as a study/den/wardrobe, next size up room yours and dps bedroom, and the four children share the biggest two bedrooms, and they will hopefully all get to know each other better

You might find it helpful to read all of the OP's updates.

You and DP get biggest, 2 sharing get 2nd biggest and children with their own two smallest. I'd be saying to DP his daughter can have 2nd biggest but only if it's a shared room with one of your 3.

It's a big girl choice, more shared space or less private space.

Do t exchange until you have resolved this.

Maybe this is a sign of being a bad step parent but I would want all the DC living in the house full time to have their own space/bedroom.
Would you consider your DSD sharing a bedroom with one of your DDs on the days/nights she spends in your home?

thank you for directing me to ops full posts. In my head, initial reaction was right, 21 year old shares with step sister, the younger one will hopefully feels she has a big sister, and look forward to coming over, and the younger two will also have their big sister and hopefully they will all become good friends - it’s possible

Tell you husband ALL the children are equal, she should not get the second biggest room, this teaches her she is more important than the others.. does your hubby not realise the damage he is creating.. my brother was treated more important due to being a sickly child, he was put on a pedestal.. now as an adult he is self absorbed and doesnt give a stuff about other peoples feeling, hubby needs to think twice x

Absolutely not. She's not even living there only staying some of the time. I'd be furious that he thinks she's more important than the other two. You need to put your foot down here. Sticking the two children that do live there into a smaller room than her is going to tell them she's the most important and that's not on. Husband is free to move somewhere else with his daughter is what I'd say.

The bigger room 100% should go to the two sharing. He can still make his dd’s bedroom the way she likes it. Good luck x

Why are you saying not to move in with this man? Her eldest is 21 - that’s an adult, not a child, amd will presumably be moving on soon enough anyway. But I agree with PPs on suggested living arrangements: two biggest rooms go to dc’s who share and OP, two smaller rooms go to children sleeping solo.

I would not live with him , or buy with a guy who is so ridiculous,
it will be a uphill struggle going onwards
it’s not about just the rooms tbh