New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

Little kids have more and bigger toys and need more space for playing.

I would suggest to him that you two need to share the smaller room and see what he says? It doesn't make any sense that 2 people will need to share a small room and perhaps that will get him thinking.

The room division isn’t the main issue here, you can’t blend families if you are already dreading living with his child. It’s completely unfair to his DD to put her in that situation. Prioritise yourself and your kids, and he can prioritise himself and his child. This has disaster written all over it.

I can see his pov too, I’m guessing you are paying 50/50 but you come as a 4 and he as a 1.5 so from that pov it makes sense that he thinks his DD should have one of the bigger rooms. It’s not very practical though so I can also see why think differently.

Though if you have 4 kids you need a 5 bedroom house really, can you split the largest bedroom into 2? what the long-term plan and the current room situation where you are?

If dc are sharing then there's no other fair or practical.ootion other than they have the biggest available room.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't be going ahead with the house purchase.

What is your current set up?

But no. "Won't budge"...? Two can play that game mate. Maybe you "won't budge" on prioritising your own children or at least ensuring there is fairness.

Children sharing get the biggest space. Surely that’s just a basic common sense principle?

Are your kids at home full time? What's the difference in the amount of time spent ? What are the ages of the children? How much smaller is the bedroom- IE if daughter is a teen, can a desk be fitted in the smaller room.? What bout the location of the room? Is it just the size or because the room is away from the other rooms affording more privacy - or if your boys are much younger- a quieter room? Or maybe your boys are older and she wants to be closer to dad?

Yes, I agree. Give her one of the smaller rooms, but give her choices to decorate and make it nice.

I’d be unimpressed if I were you. How’s the financing being done? I wonder if he’s paying the bulk then he feels entitled to lay claim on the biggest room for his child. This is a poor attitude as should be decided by need.

How will this change in living situation improve your kids' lives? How will it improve your life? It will be much harder to change things after you have bought the house together and a lot harder for you to move out if things aren't working.

I completely agree with this. All children here should be treated like they are full members of the family.

If this was an unblended family the two sharing would get the biggest room, so that is what I think is a fair solution.

Can't believe there are posters here saying that she should not get a room at all!

Those sharing get the largest room.

But little kids don’t usually play in upstairs in their rooms at that age. You usually sacrifice part of the living room if you don’t have another room downstairs.

Do you already live together?

Youre going to have to sit down together in the daytime, negotiate and respectfully thrash this out in advance as well as future scenarios (what if his DD wants to live with you as an adult? Stay over with boyfriends?) so you’re on the same page and agree on a compromise. Where do guests stay? What about sleepovers for the kids? And when your little ones become teens?

Write down your angreement, date, and sign it! If you can do this then you’ll have a much better chance of happiness blending your families in your new home.

Little children tend to be downstairs though. As they want to be closer to you and you can supervise. Is there any playroom space on the ground floor?

This argument is seriously flawed.

here’s a simple breakdown of how it should be considered:

in one household:

1 child gets their own room
and
2 children are sharing a room

who gets the bigger room?
obviously the children sharing should get the bigger room.

we aren’t talking about any other speculative situations. Just this one.

You don't NEED a 5 bedroom house if you have 4 kids, it is absolutley okay for children to share bedrooms! 😅 (Especially if there is a larger bedroom that could accommodate 2 children!)

Absolutely not. Unless it’s his house and he’s buying it, and paying all the mortgage payments. She absolutely should take the smallest room given she’s not there as much. The two sharing should get the biggest room.

Break up with him now as this clearly isn’t going to work out well and will cause you far more angst over time.

He will ALWAYS favour his daughter to the detriment of YOU and your daughters and this will lead to resentment and cause you a lot of drama when your daughters become teens and know they’re being treated unfairly and that their mum put her shag buddy before them.

You and your daughters deserve better!

Don’t live together. If it’s not working now, it is a clear sign that it won’t have a happy ending.

It shouldn’t even be a question. It goes on need. Those living there need more space. Those sharing obviously need more space as really they only get half the amount.
Regardless, with his attitude and how you describe his relationship with his daughter this is going to be a nightmare. If you can, pull out and consider it a lucky escape.

An "angreement" sounds like a portmanteau of angry and agreement 😄

Can you explain why this would have to be done during the day?

It won’t work
the child is hurting
dad is trying to protect her
yiur children get hurt