New house - who gets biggest room?

[Catseyes2025]

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

Of course not! The sharing kids get the biggest room! Who the hell does your DH think he is “not budging”
tell him to fuck off

You can prioritise and be reasonable.

I agree. We need to know the ages and sexes of the children and the sizes of the rooms.

I know exactly how to handle this. His DD does not get the larger room as that would be ridiculous - and if he does not accept that, the house purchase is off. And probably the relationship as I would have next to no respect for a man this stupid.

How long until we see the threads about sharing finances fairly, and then how to split the equity when the house is sold at the end….

Rethink what you are doing OP, this is probably just the start.

I’d say it’s very rare for more than two children to share a room in the UK nowadays.

I agree with most other posters - she should have a smaller room and if DP cannot see this I would serious reconsider moving in together.

Really, you’ve not even got to the cohabitating stage and you are disagreeing over something that is really a no-brainer but demonstrates that he will put the welfare of his child over that of two of yours (in fact, as I assume your older DC doesn’t get a look in on the larger room, either, then all 3 of your DCs are being prioritised as less important than his… and they live there full time?).

I would say that the writing is on the wall already. This is why blending families really does not work. I’d continue to live separately and only consider buying together once the children have all left home.

I'd go a step further. Your eldest has the biggest room. Your younger dc have one of the smaller rooms each. The bigger room has twin beds. When step sister comes to stay, the younger ones take it in turns for her to have their room.

You are all part of a family and everyone has to share. It's part of family life and no child should have less favourable treatment than another. If that's not negotiable for your partner, the blended relationship isn't sustainable and I wouldn't proceed with identified frictions from day one.

The smallest room goes to the child that doesn’t live with you full time. Clearly. Anything else is silly

You can't move in with this guy, sorry.

I would say it's very common, but I suppose it depends where you live and people's economic situation.

It’s not a question of a ‘nice’ room it’s the size. Just cos the smaller room is not as big as the other it doesn’t mean it can’t be as nice.

But giving his non-sharing child the largest room when two other kids have to share is selfish.

I wouldn’t even give her her own room - she has one at her permanent home. All the resident kids get a bedroom each and she shares with whoever has the biggest room when she comes over.

I don’t think he’s being ridiculous, he’s just coming at it from an emotional angle and OP from a practical angle. Him and his DD are a minority when it comes to number of people whereas he is most likely paying at least half. He probably would be more comfortable if they equalised the living space more between the families as he (and most likely his Dd too) don’t see them as one big family. Quite rightly too as OP is dreading living with his DD.

From a practical pov OP is correct though, but that also benefits her and her kids massively as they need much more space.

I think they are just not compatible enough to live together with any sort of harmony.

I wouldn't ever say that she should get a worse room because she doesn't love there full time (that is really shit, would feel like a 2nd class family member in nothing home's). But 100% the largest room goes to the 2 sharing.
If there is a size difference after that in the 2 remaining bedrooms for her and your DC who won't be sharing then that is more difficult to navigate

Because his kid is only there part-time and he wants her to get the second biggest room all to herself - which will then lie empty when she's not there. Whereas OP's kids, who appear to be living there full/most of the time, will not only have to share but share one of the SMALLER rooms.

One thing to assign OP's step-child a room to herself - fine. Totally different to force two kids to share a smaller room just so she can get the big room that she wants. That's so egregiously unfair I'd be reconsidering the whole plan to buy together.

They're not his children, of course it's fair.

‘Because she wanted it’ - OP run. If you’re dreading living with her already, the reality will be even worse.

Agreed. Besides, the stepdaughter is an only child so of course she’d have her own room when she lives with her mum and I hardly doubt that the room would be that small.

Why on earth are you moving in with this man? I honestly can't fathom why women put themselves and their children in these positions. You live in your home with your children, and let him live in his home with his child.

I disagree with that completely.

Christ, is that the way you'd run a relationship like this? Just both fighting to always get the best for your own, regardless of what is right or fair?

If you are dreading living with his daughter then DONT. A blended family is going to be tough enough but if she is both outnumbered by step siblings and disliked by her step mother then she will be miserable and her behaviour will get worse. Don't do it.

I guess it’s the joy of being an only child.

Well you can fuck off with that attitude. Perhaps it's the joy of being in a relationship with a single father who's too willing to appease his child because he feels guilty the child is living with the consequences of a broken marriage.