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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New house - who gets biggest room?

335 replies

Catseyes2025 · 29/03/2025 09:14

So in the process of buying a new house with my partner. I have three children and he has one. The new house has 4 bedrooms. 2 good size and 2 smaller. He wants his daughter to have the second biggest room. She does not live with us full time, she lives with her mum. I don’t feel this is fair as my two youngest will have to share a room and now it looks like they will have to share a smaller room. This is totally grating me. He won’t budge on this as he says he’s promised her this room because she wanted it. I will be honest his daughter rarely gets told no. I guess it’s the joy of being an only child. I’ve really struggled with this as she has become quite entitled and really can’t handle if she doesn’t get her own way.
I literally don’t know how to handle this and tbh I’m dreading having to live with her - any advice would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 29/03/2025 09:23

I wouldn't have a room fur her at all, she has a home elsewhere. She can bunk in with one of the others so they don't have to share all the time, just when she comes over. Or a sofabed downstairs

Bailamosse · 29/03/2025 09:23

If this is how he treats her, run now.

DeepRoseFish · 29/03/2025 09:23

OP don’t do it. He’s already making completely unfair demands and prioritising his daughter that doesn’t live there full time and forcing yours to share a small room!!

I can tell you now (from experience I’ve been there) it will be an absolute shit show.

He’s giving you a very big clue that you are making a huge mistake.

Stripeyanddotty · 29/03/2025 09:24

Why are you doing this to your children?

herbalteabag · 29/03/2025 09:24

The two sharing get the next biggest room. You shouldn't budge on that either. He will have to tell her 'no'. If she is an only child she presumably already has a reasonably sized bedroom elsewhere.

MyHorseShadow · 29/03/2025 09:24

Don't do it.
Him not budging will mean more difficulty with other things.
Your children need space and priority.

Visiting child has small bedroom.

Bakedpotatoes · 29/03/2025 09:25

You are completely right and he is wrong - obviously. As per pp I would be reconsidering the move to be quite honest, this won't end well - he doesn't get to make a unilateral decision when it doesn't make any sense other than to appease his DD.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 29/03/2025 09:26

Yes I most definitely would not be buying a house with this man and his attitude. Sorry. It’s blatantly obvious that the two sharing should have the largest room and the fact that he refuses to budge on this would worry me going forwards with this relationship. Also an indulged child such as his daughter will make your life (and your kids) hell.

Time to assert yourself and advocate for your kids.

Hedgingmybetching · 29/03/2025 09:26

I too would consider pulling out if he is going to make 2 children sharing have a smaller room than his 1 child on her own. That is incredibly unfair and shows that he doesn't see your children as equals! Ridiculous.

Gemmawemma9 · 29/03/2025 09:26

He is being ridiculous. He “won’t budge” well who made him the boss? Tell him it’s simply not happening.
I would be reconsidering buying a house with him to be honest. If he’s so inflexible and already putting your children’s needs below his own.

LittleBearPad · 29/03/2025 09:27

Choose another house. Why should your children come second to his.

How long will they have to share.

Cloudyvibes · 29/03/2025 09:27

Obviously if 2 children need to share a room then they get the bigger room while the other child gets the smaller room to themselves.

Out of curiosity are you buying the house as equals or is he putting more money in so thinks he gets final say.

A Bit too late but I would have had serious doubts about buying a house if he can’t say no to his daughter and promises her the biggest room without discussing it with you first.

RanyaJerodung · 29/03/2025 09:27

This ⬆️. I was just coming on to say the same. He won't budge? His daughter gets priority?
Red flags..

Agix · 29/03/2025 09:27

Imagine if both parents decided she doesn't get the nice room in either home because "she doesn't live here full time" in both. Smallest room in both houses, living out of a suitcase.

Absolutely tragic that MN takes this attitude towards children from split parents. Just treat them like a spare part.

You have an excuse OP as obviously there are two kids sharing who need the bigger room, even if your stepdaughter lived with you full time. But damn. MN hates kids from broken families.

CatsorDogsrule · 29/03/2025 09:27

I can see his logic that IF he's paying half, a larger room for his child is more equal to the 2 rooms your children are having.

However, whilst logical from a roommates persective, that isn't the way a family should work.

You should seriously reconsider the purchase as his thinking doesn't bode well for your children. Unless he reconsiders and sees that he was wrong, you should either change to a house that accommodates the children fairly, (although not necessarily equally,) or don't live together.

Enko · 29/03/2025 09:27

I think you are going to get one of those rare 100% YANBU.

With his rationale "He promised her the room" tell him you promised the 2 that are sharing the room too. (Don't really do this but point out the idiocy of his rationale here)

2 childen living there and sharing 100% takes the largest room.

MoreChocPls · 29/03/2025 09:28

Tell him you won’t budge!!!

jeaux90 · 29/03/2025 09:28

I commented earlier about reconsidering your decision.

I am buying a house with my long term partner, his son will be getting the smaller room as he doesn’t live full time with us. DD15 does. There was no argument, it’s sensible. The fact that your DP can’t see that is a massive red flag for your future together.

RanyaJerodung · 29/03/2025 09:28

Gemmawemma9 · 29/03/2025 09:26

He is being ridiculous. He “won’t budge” well who made him the boss? Tell him it’s simply not happening.
I would be reconsidering buying a house with him to be honest. If he’s so inflexible and already putting your children’s needs below his own.

It's very worrying that he won't budge, and I think you need to put your children first.

TwoShades1 · 29/03/2025 09:29

The sharing kids should have the larger room, obviously. She should have one of the smaller rooms as she’s not sharing and will have belongings split across 2 houses, so less stuff. Unless your partner is paying for the house (then he can probably do what he likes), it’s really unreasonable of him. I would be very hesitant about moving forward with a house together in these circumstances.

Gabrilla · 29/03/2025 09:30

Doggymummar · 29/03/2025 09:23

I wouldn't have a room fur her at all, she has a home elsewhere. She can bunk in with one of the others so they don't have to share all the time, just when she comes over. Or a sofabed downstairs

That’s horrible, of course she gets a room.

Catapultaway · 29/03/2025 09:30

Who's paying for the house or whats the split?, and whats the current room situation for your kids / his kid? He's getting a lot of stick, but it's his job to put his child's interests first, and good on him for that. I'm assuming your 3 aren't his?
People even suggesting his kid shouldn't even have a room as not there full time blow my mind.
Maybe it's the wrong house.

dontyousay · 29/03/2025 09:31

what are the ages? I think that’s really important here.
if she’s 16 and looking to go to uni in the next 2 years and you’re youngest are 3 and 5 then I would give her the biggest room till she moves out.

cheesestringss · 29/03/2025 09:31

I would put my foot down. Ridiculous that she gets the biggest room when others have to share a smaller room esp as she doesn't live with you full time.

How far are you into the house purchase. It looks like there may be a lot of issues going forward. Maybe it's not the right house for you and your family or the wrong people moving in together. But I would re-consider if it's not too late.

RanyaJerodung · 29/03/2025 09:31

Agix · 29/03/2025 09:27

Imagine if both parents decided she doesn't get the nice room in either home because "she doesn't live here full time" in both. Smallest room in both houses, living out of a suitcase.

Absolutely tragic that MN takes this attitude towards children from split parents. Just treat them like a spare part.

You have an excuse OP as obviously there are two kids sharing who need the bigger room, even if your stepdaughter lived with you full time. But damn. MN hates kids from broken families.

MN doesn't "hate kids from broken families". It's not a hive mind. There is no hate on here. There are many views.
The girl can still have a nice room, just not the biggest. Both her parents need to ensure her rooms are nice. The problem is her getting the larger room over two children sharing, who are there full time.
This calls for discussion and compromise. Not someone refusing to budge.