In a relationship with a man who can’t cook AT ALL

[Packse]

I am really enjoying a year long relationship. We get on great, he’s attractive, kind and relatively successful. But he cannot cook in the slightest. It’s actually such a turn off. We are both 30 yo.

For dinner he will make ramen or pasta with ketchup 🤢. Not even a jar of tomato sauce with a grating of Parmesan. He boils eggs as he can’t even scramble them. We’ve been talking about kids/marriage. And tbh I would be hugely resentful if I had to cook every meal. I am a very competent cook and it’s definitely a love language of mine. Sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine whilst someone cooks you a delicious meal is my idea of heaven

He’s pretty great in every other way. But I don’t want to teach anyone basic life skills. And I don’t see him taking the initiative.

Is it a no go? Or just a compromise I have to make.

OK - so if it's a dealbreaker - dump him! He probably can cook - he doesn't want to and thats fine - thats on him, and if thats your line, then fine too, no one is asking you to marry him. Why are you trying to change him? It's going to be shit if you hate him for not doing this while he is blissfully unaware this is a dealbreaker for you - then you'll pay for an expensive divorce. For what.

This would give me the ick. My 8 and 11 year old boys can cook. They will read recipe books or Google anything if they get stuck or need to navigate different measurements etc

Does he want to change this or has he no interest what so ever? Its a pretty crucial life skill. I definitely wouldn't want to raise children with someone who always wanted me to cook and stock the fridge etc it's such a big and often boring task. I love that my husband takes all that mental load of me.

I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who wasn’t a grown up. Being able to cook (not talking cordon bleu-just to a reasonable standard) is a fundamental life skill.

Depends on the package rather than the individual skills if you've got any common sense.

Partnering up with someone who can't do basics can be dismal. But there are easy solutions to that.

What there aren't easy solutions to are things like partnering up with someone who earns enough cash (either on their own or in combination with you) to afford a lifestyle you want.

So call me a bit mercenary, but to me someone who earns enough cash when in combination with me allows a great house, send the kids to private school and entertains me on the yacht three times a year is very much more valuable difficult to find than someone who can cook.

Each to their own of course.

Absent the millions and the staff, there is nothing attractive about a man who can’t feed his children. Or, indeed, himself.

He doesn’t want to learn. If it’s a dealbreaker then you have to decide what to do.

I loathe and detest cooking so I don’t do it. I think it’s a massive waste of my time.

You will get people accusing him of being a man child etc but you can’t make him do something

You can lead a horse to water…

He doesn’t want to learn. If this is a dealbreaker for you, then the deal is broken.
He’s telling you in no uncertain terms that you’d be doing all the cooking if you move forward with this relationship.

But presumably you could feed yourself and your children if you had to?

Since the OP asked the question over a year ago, I presume she has now made her decision and no longer needs opinions on what she should or should not do.

Presumably he could?

Boxes like Gousto or Hello Fresh are great for those who "can't" cook.

Not if they can’t cook and are picky eaters…

Ds wasnt a competent cook, he didn't starve, id taught him the basics but wasnt good. He now has a partner who brooks no nonsense about this. He got quite adventurous with eating and she made it quite clear that if he wanted interesting food and wanted to live together then he better learn. They do Gousto, which has taught him a lot. They cook together, he watches food you tubes and tiktoks. He's a pretty decent cook now. Still won't eat onions.

Can he do other practical things? Laundry, DIY etc?

Before we married 31 years ago my DH told me one serious failing of mine that I needed to change, and I told him what he needed to address on his side.

We turned the situation around pretty fast. It was the sign for both of us that the other person was serious about the relationship.

Tell him, and judge him by his response.

Can’t… or won’t? In today’s world of YouTube absolutely anyone (bar some physical and mental disabilities) can cook a simple meal. Even if it’s just as simple as putting chicken in the oven with some rosemary, microwaving a sweet potato and boiling green beans.

Id also question if he didn’t care about his health at all.

If absolutely everything else was perfect I wouldn’t break up but I would expect him to learn 10 meals, healthy ones, that he could cook that we are both happy to eat and can be fed to children. He’d need to do cook once a week to demonstrate this before I got pregnant and he’d need to take another chore. Eg, before my husband got sick I hadn’t done a load of laundry in 8 years and in return he only cooked if I was sick or busy.

I don’t agree, actually! I think you have to be able to cook to use recipe boxes.

Can he heat up nice things from cook and serve them to you? He doenst need to cook from scratch if healthy? Or do as other said and say you need to feel partnership is equal and you’d like him to master a few healthy tasty dishes at least scrambled eggs on Toast and chili and spaghetti bol

Baked potatoes with toppings?