In a relationship with a man who can’t cook AT ALL

[Packse]

I am really enjoying a year long relationship. We get on great, he’s attractive, kind and relatively successful. But he cannot cook in the slightest. It’s actually such a turn off. We are both 30 yo.

For dinner he will make ramen or pasta with ketchup 🤢. Not even a jar of tomato sauce with a grating of Parmesan. He boils eggs as he can’t even scramble them. We’ve been talking about kids/marriage. And tbh I would be hugely resentful if I had to cook every meal. I am a very competent cook and it’s definitely a love language of mine. Sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine whilst someone cooks you a delicious meal is my idea of heaven

He’s pretty great in every other way. But I don’t want to teach anyone basic life skills. And I don’t see him taking the initiative.

Is it a no go? Or just a compromise I have to make.

Well if you are annoyed by that so much leave him.
It would really not bother me as I love to cook amd I'm fine doing all the cooking.
But if you don't walk away before you have a child with him.

My point was that it's not extremely simple. Following the instructions doesn't always work. Plenty of recipes miss out basic instructions or are badly written. Kitchens and ovens are all different. You might need to substitute ingredients or use different equipment. That's the stuff that will completely derail a novice.

When I went back to work full-time, we got an au-pair and she cooked the children's tea.

My husband parented very well thank you and earnt more than enough for dinner at Carluccio's not to impinge on the budget or be a selfish act. It was so close we called it "the caff".

Thing is, single city boy with a gym habit is going to be earning a fair whack and spending it all on himself. He could be reheating M and S ready meals every night for a balanced diet, but is happy to stick with pasta and ketchup. Gross.

I'd think if he really was the right man for OP, she would overlook this. He can learn, if not to be a cordon bleu cook, at least a passable one..

To be honest, if he was willing to keep the house clean and tidy, I'd happily do all the cooking.

Relationships aren't a matter of ticking off a checklist - you need compatible values and broadly agree on the goals you want to achieve in life, but otherwise it's about how you get on and feel about someone.

I don't think OP feels he is the man for her.

I’m amazed how many people are pretending cooking is a complex dark art. You don’t have to be master chef. You could stir fry a few vegetables, you even get ready made sauces to add to them. You could buy a rice cooker that comes with a measure you add rice and water put it on/ in microwave for number of minutes in book rest for x minutes also in book and it’s ready. Instead of ketchup he could add pesto to pasta or smoked salmon and butter and top with Parmesan. Buy some rocket and cherry tomatoes and salad dressing to go with it. There are easy cookbooks out there. We should all be able to feed ourselves.

My husband increased his cooking skills yesterday, he can now add poached eggs to his skill set. 🤣

I think poached eggs are tricky because they go from having a runny white to a solid yolk quickly and timing is important there so great if he can poach eggs well, I love poached eggs but rarely eat them made elsewhere. Scrambled eggs are easier.

He can feed himself though - it’s not like he’s sat around wasting away. He’s just not eating things that OP likes or enjoys.

I think posters on here can come across as quite sheltered sometimes - loads of people never cook from scratch and are quite happy eating things like ready meals, beans on toast, frozen jacket potatoes, tinned soup and cereal.

For me personally, cooking is just another chore, like cleaning the bathroom or emptying the bins - I can think of a million things I’d rather be doing so I’m quite happy to just have beans on toast for tea most nights.

Guuuuuuurl imma be real with ya!!!

What if it’s his idea heaven if HE sits on the couch with wine and YOU make him a meal. (Entitled much.)

Women cooking has been a normalcy for centuries, you want children and a future with this man, he can provide that for you. Sounds like he is kind and will make a wonderful husband and a dad. He must be quite a bit more successful than you, or you’d drop him long ago, if cooking skill was so important to you. He’s not complaining to you that he wants you to make more money and what a huge turn off it is that you don’t make as much as he does. He isn’t putting on you a fantasy quality he has in a wife on your shoulders. Imagine he tells you “your lack of car maintenance skill” is a turn off, from this day forward he wants you to change your own oil and rotate the tires. You go to a car shop for that. Well he’s been going out to eat/eatting noodles with ketchup with the money he’s earned, don’t look down on him.

Sounds like he has a good career and is has been feeding himself just fine until you came along trying to change him. He’s been so positive about your constant nag.. loosen up, be a nice, stop bothering him everything. Congratulate him on taking noodles with ketchup, he’ll feel better to try again. There’s a way to kill a marriage that hasn’t even started, nag and criticize.

Women love to change men to fit their “needs and wants.” He should find a girl who’s ganna be so head over heels in love with him, that she would travel to the moon and back for some special ingredient to make food for him. (And I’m
guessing he’s the kind of guy that is doing anything he possibly can to make you happy.)

Cooking is a life long learned skill, sounds like this guy is a great guy, and you’re just looking for something to complain about. You’re not at all ready to get married and let along have kids.

News flash! There’s ganna be days when all you do is cook and clean and then there will be days when your husband will cook and clean, it’s not 50-50, you’re one team. If you’re already dreading life with this person “because you don’t want to cook every meal” don’t bother marriage, you will both be miserable. You’re not in love with him, you’re in love with an illusion. You don’t love him, you love what he can do for you… and that’s not a healthy way to start a marriage.

I hope he reconsiders because he’s in for a life long train of “I’m so good and this and you’re so bad at that.”

No such thing as being 'unable' to cook. Anyone can follow a simple recipe, you don't even have to read a book anymore, you can watch videos that show you really clearly what to do.
What you have is somebody who doesn't want to cook. And I make no moral judgement on that, I bet the queen never cooked either.

What are you on about?? Cooking is a basic life skill that pretty much every adult should be able to do. Damn right I’d look down on someone who makes pasta with ketchup - that’s gross and lazy.

10 year olds can cook. It’s not rocket science, it’s a basic life skill. Some people make cooking an art sure, but not many. This man needs to get to ‘has basic life skills’ level. I don’t respect adults without disabilities who can’t cook, they are just failing to do life really and they are either unhealthy and/or expensive or just sponging off others, usually women, neither is a quality I’d accept in a partner.

He’s not eating anything healthy either, so he is contributing zero towards the family eating decent healthy meals. That’s pretty fundamental to happiness and wellbeing, getting some decent affordable nutrition.

Jesus Christ what a ridiculous post.

I’m married for 35 years and my husband cannot cook. He’ll put a salad together or make a sandwich or heat up soup but he genuinely cannot cook. However, he’s absolutely amazing at DIY, at painting, at gardening, he does all of the laundry, including the ironing and putting the laundry away, and he’s been a great dad and husband over our 35 years together. So I’ve been able to overlook the not cooking bit. However, both of our sons can cook. I made sure of that!😊 I guess my answer to your question is that, if you’re happy together in every other way, it’s a compromise I would be willing to make. (Ironically, I grew up in a house where my dad was a very competent cook!)

I hope you let him go, ONLY so someone else can appreciate him as a person and not obsess over the fact that he’s not Wolfgang Puck. I’m sure you don’t check every box either!

I wanted my husband to learn to cook so he went to cooking classes that taught how to cook using every freaking item in the kitchen cabinets. It was unworthy it that I still cringe. He trying melt chocolate with every item needed I guess in original French cooking but hey, this isn’t the 60’s. I had to stop it immediately. And then he expected me to do four times the dishes I’d normally do bc I know short cuts to cooking. Sometimes when you wish for something it doesn’t work out like you want it. Thinking back, he might have done it on purpose so I wouldn’t bother him again ab it. Oh, and the one thing he learned was to make a cheese soufflé but hey didn’t like it so that wasn’t going to be made. Worth not unworthy. He’s was and still is an idiot

@Packsehave things on the cooking front improved?

He is being lazy. He knows you won't eat ketchup and noodles but he isn't offering you any other food

He could easily grab ready made up stir fry veg and noodles and chuck in some pre cooked chicken

Bollocks he can’t cook. If he can read he can cook.

Incidentally, I don’t think meal boxes are the way forward. Apart from being expensive and ruinous to the environment, I really think you have to be able to cook at least a bit….