In a relationship with a man who can’t cook AT ALL

[Packse]

I am really enjoying a year long relationship. We get on great, he’s attractive, kind and relatively successful. But he cannot cook in the slightest. It’s actually such a turn off. We are both 30 yo.

For dinner he will make ramen or pasta with ketchup 🤢. Not even a jar of tomato sauce with a grating of Parmesan. He boils eggs as he can’t even scramble them. We’ve been talking about kids/marriage. And tbh I would be hugely resentful if I had to cook every meal. I am a very competent cook and it’s definitely a love language of mine. Sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine whilst someone cooks you a delicious meal is my idea of heaven

He’s pretty great in every other way. But I don’t want to teach anyone basic life skills. And I don’t see him taking the initiative.

Is it a no go? Or just a compromise I have to make.

I've dated two men who couldn't cook. They didn't enjoy food or get excited about it and that killed it for me. I love a man who enjoys his food and takes pleasure in eating, doesn't matter if it's in a restaurant or my cooking. Food's not just functional, it's about sharing an experience and discovering new things.

Isn't this pretty normal. The older, the more so.

My DH doesn't cook. I enjoy cooking and he could rustle something in an emergency by bunging some in the oven but that's about it.

But I haven't had to do any laundry in about 15 years as he does it all for all 5 of us so for us it works x

I can't assemble flat pack furniture either!

I can cook, but I hate it.

I literally have zero interest in it. I often have pasta with red sauce and grated mozzarella. Maybe a little basil chucked on top if I've bought some for the Guinea pig anyway

Maybe he just really has zero interest in cooking.
That said, I'm a solo parent so have no choice in the matter but even I wouldn't expect someone else to cook every single meal for me

I'd ask him to commit to cooking for me every other time we see each other and of he can't even do that there's no way I'd consider kids with him. You'd get lumped doing it all

Eek. Not father material.

Are there things he takes responsibility for instead of cooking? Things you don't like doing? My husband took over forms and paperwork that I had no interest in and I shopped and cooked. Worked for us 😊

Sheesh, just talk to the guy and offer to teach some basic cooking skills or local classes. The forner would be great thing to do as a couple. Never assume he can't cook, I know many people who wear never taught these skills

Yes !

He can cook. He chooses not to. Everyone can learn simple dishes if they want to.

when I met my DH he had been waited on hand and foot all his life and didn’t know how to cook. I made it clear that wouldn’t wash and neither would him just making toast or plain pasta as an evening meal. He turned out to be an excellent cook. Still can’t food shop for shit and buys random ingredients that won’t make meals but does other things that I’m crap at so I’m happy to do the shopping

If it's a deal breaker, jut tell him and he can choose if you're worth it or not.

Like others have said though, not everyone who doesn't cook is incompetent.

There's a lot I don't do as I have no interest in it, DH does it instead, and what he can't stand, I do.
It's a partnership and we help each other out.

He'll find someone who's happy to do the majority of the cooking and you'll find someone who likes to share it.

Why would he need a mother figure he’s more than happy to eat a ready meal ,eat out or pasta and tomato sauce

Some people have zero interest in food and just see food (any food ) as fuel

quite patronising to refer to him as needs to grow up because he has zero interest in food or cooking

we are all different

Some people just aren't interested in cooking. I'm one of them.

My parents are real foodies and have always cooked healthy, tasty meals from scratch but I honestly can't be arsed. I mostly live off toast and various toppings (today it was toasted ciabatta with smashed avocado and sundried tomatoes), frozen jacket potatoes, meat/fish (breaded or oven baked) with frozen veg and mash, frozen pizza, soup and the odd ready meal. Occasionally I'll make a few days worth of pasta and have that cold for lunches.

I get my five a day (and then some), I buy (and eat) fresh fruit. I do plenty of exercise. All my blood tests show I'm perfectly healthy. I'm just not remotely interested in cooking. If someone wants to cook for me they're more than welcome, but I'm honestly not arsed either way and will happily just feed myself.

I couldn't respect the men that many are describing on here. Are posters really claiming that if anything happened to them, their children would be under a CIN plan because their father couldn't shop and cook for them? It would mean poor health and bad teeth. If they suddenly could do it, then they just can't be arsed for you.
OP it depends on if he'd want you to cook for him. If you can still go out for the day/away and he eats cereal, or whatever, then fine. Likewise he'd have to be able to always afford take-aways. If you were ill and didn't want take-away food, then what? Can he shop for proper food? Or you are, in effect, a carer, for another adult. A lot happens over a lifetime, I wouldn't be taking the responsibility on.

DH could only put stuff in the oven when we got together. I taught him to cook and now he cooks most of the time. He especially likes recipe boxes because he needs to follow instructions and likes the ingredients being ready for him, but he can cook most stuff now as long as there's a recipe to follow.
I couldn't be with someone who can't cook, it's just a basic skill.

My dad can't/won't cook and it's pathetic. He will have bread and jam if my mum isn't there to cook for him, even if she leaves him something to heat up. It's honestly so pathetic.

I've been married for almost 23 years to a non-cook (except for pancakes, fried eggs and bacon, which he does very well - also sandwiches), and for 30 before that to another non-cook (except for sandwiches, scrambled eggs and steak which he did brilliantly). Both of them did other stuff I don't want to do and I like cooking. My children are all adults, so now if I don't feel like cooking DH and I go out and eat. Fortunately for our budget, that doesn't happen every day. If there are other aspects to what a husband does that are fine, not cooking wouldn't be (hasn't been) a deal-breaker for me.

Send him on a cookery course. But yup you know what the future holds if you stay.

My DH is a better cook than me.

Depends what else he brings to the table. My DH never cooks but on the other hand he has always done the driving because I don't drive, so I accept the fact that he does not cook.

No?

Or at least not in my experience. I'm coming up to 70. My late husband was a keen cook, and as he retired first he did most of the evening meals. He also cooked dinner every weekday when our children were babies. All my friends of similar ages have husbands who enjoy cooking. Both my son's in law cook, and one of them in particular is the main cook of the partnership.

The generation above might be a bit different, but I don't think it's usual at all for men not to cook.

But what is his plan if he decides to marry and have children? Just leave it all to mom.

Depends on whether he likes food or not. If he loves food he will learn regardless of whether he learnt growing up.

If he doesn't care, and you care about food, then be very careful. It's such a vital part of life to lose

If he has lots of other qualities and you get on well, I would try and encourage him to try and cook things you want to eat.

My DH didn't cook much when I first met him (2nd marriage for both of us). He could cook a bit, but used ready made sauces, ate a lot of pizza and occasional frozen vegetables.

I love food and like to eat a mainly wholefood diet, so I explained to him what I wanted to eat and how I made things. I also cooked lots of different meals for him so he got an idea of the kinds of meals he might be able to make.

He listened and started cooking proper food from fresh ingredients. 13 years later and he is quite a competent cook.

He doesn't love cooking like I do, but he makes decent dinner a couple of times a week and does lots of other chores.

I would explain to him that eating well is important to you and that if you are going to live together you might need to work out how that is going to work as you don't want to be the only one doing the cooking.

Where’s his self respect? Seriously! I’m not trying to be be mean. To not be able to prepare basic food like a scrambled egg - even if it’s 5 incredibly simple dishes on repeat - as an adult is pathetic! Is he expecting a woman to do it for him, like a helpless child?

I couldn't do it OP.

Firstly it will have an impact long term on his health to be having noodles and ketchup for dinner.

Secondly it's deeply unattractive that someone has got to that age without the most basic skills.

Finally, what if you had kids and then split up and he's giving them pasta ketchup for every meal? Gross.