To be daunted at being a single mum again.?

[MediterraneanHouse]

Just found out I’m pregnant yesterday. I’m 29 with a 7 year old. My mum said she’ll help out as much as possible which I’m really grateful for.

The baby is due late September/October.. I’d got down to a Size 8 at Xmas and now I found out I’m pregnant!

I was 22 when I had my daughter and although I had my mum’s support it’s really hard being a single mum. AIBU to feel daunted 2nd time around?

For your mums sake might be better not to do it to her a 3rd time, you will cope as you have no choice

It’s weird that you think reckless procreation is inherent to womanhood.

lol - how many times are you going to bid us farewell and then return?!

I think so far you’ve insulted women who have children out of marriage, women who have children with different dads, women who value their appearance…

Women throughout history have fought so that we can have agency and the freedom to choose how best to live our own lives. Why reduce us back to only being valid as a wife to a man? Or mother of children within a marriage?

So if we value fitness over what we’re supposed to be doing (ie. Child bearing) we are less than? If we don’t want a marriage but want kids, we’re wrong?

You think that your comments are harmless, but in fact your way of thinking undermines the movement that has given you your freedoms today.

Let’s say we go with your thinking, and in order for every woman to have kids, they have to be married, what do you think that would do for the safety and progress of women? I’m sure you can think of countries where that is the case…

You’re defo entitled to your opinions but understand that your opinions are rooted in misogyny and are dangerous in the end for all women.

Agency over one’s own life is one thing. No one disputes that is a good thing.

Carelessly and repeatedly producing new human beings into disadvantaged situations, to their detriment and to the burden of society, is quite another.

But what about what OP has said shows that her kids are born into disadvantage?’ All we know is that she’s not in a relationship with the Dad - but they get on well.

Oh and we know that she has a supportive family (mum) another child, and likes to stay thin!!

What about this means that the child is born into disadvantage?

There are countless scientific and scholarly studies that show outcomes are statistically better for children raised in two parent families. Objectively, the children of single parents are disadvantaged.

It’s also a disadvantage and burden for the taxpayer and people who have to step in to pick up the slack, such as the grandmothers.

Well with that logic @TheSnootiestFox kids are also disadvantaged.

Is your suggestion then that only married people have children?

Yes.

I keep popping back because my phone keeps pinging, instead of commenting on the OP you seem intent with arguing with me 😂

Of course kids do better if born into a stable relationship. Most, and actually this wasn't the case with me at all, but most women either earn less than their partner or give up some hours at work to be at home with small children. There are eleventy billion threads on here about being protected by marriage if you do. It's not about misogyny or goods and chattels, it's about women protecting themselves financially and more importantly protecting their children's future. I do think women who have children outside of a marriage, unless very independently wealthy, are being daft. I've made my views on multiple baby dad's clear before. I'm not going to repeat myself. Again, that is in the best interest of the children. And as for keeping fit, we'll I'm very bothered about my self presentation and live in the gym myself, so I'm not sure where your getting that I'm insulting similar women from - I just said that it was strange that the OPs first thought on discovering an unplanned pregnancy was 'oh no, I've just got down to a size 8 too!' It just makes them sound vacuous. My priority was a healthy baby and then I knew I'd pick up the pieces of my body afterwards 😂 I'm bothered about how I look but it's not the be all and end all now I have children.

I'm not insulting anyone - I'm just merely pointing out some facts. Having an unplanned pregnancy these days is unnecessary, unfair on the baby and unfair on the existing child. Nothing dangerous about that point of view at all. I'm muting my phone now so rant away 😂

I'm sorry but there are also lots of two parent families on the benefit system due to low pay and there are also a fair amount of single parents who earn decent money and own houses etc - I haven't claimed anything past child benefit for years now, being a high rate tax payer doesn't qualify you to claim.

And it's not exactly a new thing for grandparents to help out with childcare. Lots of my married friends get help and in lots of cases they have had more help than me.

My children have a very nice life, a much nicer life than if I had stayed with my abusive ex and actually much nicer to than lots of families living in poverty.

I'm sorry but I just don't get it. You already raised one dc as a single parent and you did not take precautions to not wind up pregnant again? Not clutching pearls, things can go wrong in a relationship but you're not even in one. Your mother is not your partner and relying on her instead of a partner is unfair to her but it's also not optimal for the dc to not have a father around as you have noticed with your first. I feel sorry for single mums with shit dads but most didn't aim for it to be that way while your main preoccupation seems to be your weight. It's just sad.

How does it make any difference to the child?

@TheSnootiestFox you can turn off notifications, I have mine switched off because I hate them and am never interested in anyone's reply 😄

OP was the man not using condoms? Will he not be parenting the child 50/50? Co-parenting rather than lone parent?

I referred to scientific studies using objective data, of which there are 100s that back up my statement. No one ever said that there aren’t exceptions and outliers.

Also: Data from the Family Resources Survey (FRS) in 2020/21 showed that 50% of single parent families were claiming income-related benefits, compared to 15% of couples with children and a 16% average across all households.

Also: https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/CDP-2023-0061/CDP-2023-0061.pdf

I’m sure he’ll be thrilled

Please dont feel sorry for us single mums, we don't need your pity, thank you.

This, she pops back up after leaving, more than Stephen fry on twitter

Each to their own but there is a bias in the opinions levelled at the op

Single parents can and do raise happy children. There's a group of men going around shaming single mums and discriminating against them

And typically, the ones who shame single mums aren't particularly wealthy or intelligent themselves 🙄 to be looking down their nose at anyone

Hi congratulations you want the baby your daughter happy baby's dad seems to be on board so it could be a lot worse I hope all goes well for you and baby x

You just like to judge everyone 😄

Blended families can be some of the best families

Being accepting of different family types doesn't indicate a lack of intelligence - being bigoted about something that deviates from how you live your life does 🙄

'A strong male role model' - so if a man is weak, then what? If a man is disabled and bed bound? What is a strong male role model? 😄

A strong woman can be a role model for a man, in the same way that a strong man can be a role model for a woman. It's misogyny like yours that causes problems, not a lack of strong people

Plus, male and female role models exist outside of mum and dad. Kids need community, but most of all, happy, strong and sane care givers

Yes please do have a nice day

It’s the offspring who I feel sorry for.

😭😭 I feel sorry for your offspring, lumbered with a rigid and judgemental parent, unable to live life on their own terms

But the end result is Not the same if this OP ends up on benefits and raising two children without a father. And so many of you are cheering her on. We see this scenario time and again, and then blame the government for policies that starve children while refusing to hold people accountable for their behaviour. I don’t want to shame the OP but I don’t understand her point of view and lack of understanding.

But the children of divorced parents could also end up if a household reliant on benefits.

Does your negative judgement of ‘single mothers’ extend to women who have left partners due to abuse? Is that the woman’s fault also? Perhaps she should have seen it coming? Maybe she triggered him, amiright?