DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

OP, genuinely not being nosey here but given its an anonymous forum, why don't you share what it is and we can help you work out/discuss what your DH's reaction might be, and how to deal with it.

In terms of your sister doing this to you, I'm so sorry you're going through that - what a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

I disagree with saying it’s AI-generated. This won’t get you anywhere, it’ll just keep things buried for longer, and make you look (and feel) awful when the truth comes out.

Presumably you trusted your sister enough (at the time) to tell her this thing you’re keeping buried. Extend that trust to your DH. Difficult conversations can feel awful at the time - you can feel so vulnerable. But my experience is that you’ll come out stronger and ready to tackle future hurdles.

With AI nowadays anyone can make a fake recording. I imagine it would be relatively easy to manipulate a recording to make it sound like you’re saying something other to what you were intending to say. I’d say that to her and remove her power.

Call the police.

I would get ahead and tell DH, then cut sister off. She sounds like a maniac

Do you know she actually had a recording? Have you heard it? Or is she possibly just saying she does.

You need to talk to DH and start with explaining that your sister is blackmailing you with a recording which would upset him if he heard it without context, so in order to diffuse the blackmail you need to start with explaining the context, and what's most important is that there's honesty between the two of you (and also apologise to him if you shouldn't really have been saying what you did even with the context). Don't tell him exactly what's in the recording until you've properly discussed it in context, and then explain what the recording says and how it could be misinterpreted.

Then never have anything to do with your sister again. That's a truly evil thing for her to have done.

Just tell your DH and explain the context. It's far easier to be upfront on honest on explaining something than trying to back peddle once he hears it out of context.

I think it really depends on what you said, I would just tell DH and explain the context if like you have said it isn't that bad with context.

Pre-empt every time. If you don't, your life will become hers to do what she likes with because this will not stop. If you can quickly get proof she is blackmailing you then do so but if you don't want to be her bitch for the rest of your life then pre-empt.

I would call her bluff. Tell her blackmail is a crime and you are going to the police.

What does she want you to do? If it's anything illegal / immoral then that might meet the threshold for a criminal offence. Have you got a recording or text etc of what she's demanding that you do. If not, then get one if possible.
This won't resolve the issue of the recording and your DH's response but she could be looking at a criminal record depending on what she's demanding you do.

As everyone's said, you do need to speak with your DH about this. But don't forget, she's openly blackmailing you so if you can get the evidence, that may go a long way to ensuring that she is seen as the problem and not whatever it was you said.

If you give into her, she will never stop. I get the people saying tell DH first, but I probably wouldn't and just wait and see and deal with it if it happens.

But I like some people suggesting that you get evidence of her blackmailing you and point out to her that it is a crime, and if she proceeds you'll press charges against her.

I agree with this. You cannot give in to blackmail as it will never end.

This is what I’d do. You can’t live your life with this hanging over you.

Honestly just tell him, he’s your husband! You should be a team. I’d believe my husband over a toxic family member

I'd just front it out. I have a private conversation with my sister and this is what I said. This is the context it was said in. She has recorder the conversation and just clipped a small part of it. Now she's trying to bribe me with a recording. I'm sorry if you feel hurt/angry/ betrayed by what I said because that was never my intention. It comes across badly because its not in context and just a snippet.

You need to tell your husband in the proper context. If it’s not that bad then what is the issue? If it’s just you ranting about him, sure don’t we all do that?

That's a very good idea.

If you cave to her demands there will absolutely be more demands.

This.

My abusive ex threatened to reveal a secret thst would blow up my brothers marriage. He had basically been intimate with other sister in law when teens but my other sil is the extremely jealous type and it would have caused serious drama.

anyway he knew rhis and threatened and threatened me. I was in bits told my brother and he said let him do his worst. He never bothered. But it really was scary for a while.

do u think she’d actually do it? If not I’d just call her bluff. And prepare yourself with an explanation if you need it

Very very likely you've been led by your sister to think it's unforgivable. Very likely your instincts that it's not that bad are closer to the mark. Tell your husband what you said and the all-important context, and tell him what your sister is threatening to do.

(Also very likely he knows what sort of person your sister is, and will thus be more inclined to take your side.)

Report her for blackmail.

Keep any messages that prove she's blackmailing you and try and record her doing it if it's face to face. Then tell DH and explain the context. Then go to the police. Don't let this shit of a person have any power over you. If you give in now, she'll do this your whole life.