DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

Just to add to the sea of voices: you have to tell your dh everything.

Do not try to appeal to your sister's better side: she doesn't have one. The phrase "never negotiate with terrorists" applies. If you give her what she wants, she will want more. And then she'll want more. And you'll be living your life as your sister's bitch, doing whatever she says and you'll be so much further down the rabbit hole of deceit that when she eventually tells your dh anyway, and she will, you will look even worse.

Tell him everything: what you said, the context, her recording you, and the blackmail. He may be hurt, but you can discuss it and work through it and he will hopefully support you.

Your relationship with your sister is over. Once your dh knows, I'd tell her plainly that blackmail is a criminal offence and you want no further contact from her. Then refuse to discuss it further. Zero contact.

Terrible advice.... where does it end?

OP don't be blackmailed, explain everything to your husband, make sure you emphasise it was out of context. Boot this woman out of your life.

Really????

this is pathetic. You would allow yourself to be bullied and blackmailed??

Get evidence of her blackmail. If it is all verbal, get that recorded, if written then keep it.

Then when have evidence, tell her you are going to the police due to blackmail.

Can you make it sound as though you don't take it seriously to your DH? Something along the lines of
"OMG you'll never guess what she's trying to do! She only recorded me saying .... and cut it to sound really bad. Now she's blackmailing me. Can you believe it"
Then he'll ask you what you said and you can tell him. Might take the sting out a bit.

I’d urgently seek legal advice. I believe this amounts to entrapment and blackmail. It may be possible to get an injunction or order to prevent her sharing with other people and requiring her to destroy it.

You’re entitled to privacy and you don’t have to divulge anything to your DH you don’t want to.

This thread is weird.

I’d suggest doing this by email or message, as secretly recording calls could be entrapment or a breach of privacy.

But agree with the idea generally. Proof of the blackmail would be helpful evidence for a court (for civil legal action) or the police.

However, if you don’t want to seek a court order to prevent her sharing the information, a stern letter from a solicitor stating how she’s breaking the law, and the repercussions if she proceeds to share the information, may suffice.

Clearly you talk to your DH and explain the circumstances in full and what your sister has done and is going to do.

Is she actually demanding something from you in return for silence, such as money?

Or just enjoying watching you squirm?

She has control over you right now - which may be her end goal.

Take control back.

Can you make it sound as though you don't take it seriously to your DH? Something along the lines of
"OMG you'll never guess what she's trying to do! She only recorded me saying .... and cut it to sound really bad. Now she's blackmailing me. Can you believe it"
Then he'll ask you what you said and you can tell him. Might take the sting out a bit.

I think this is a great way to handle her. Damage limitation and minimising it.

Making her an object of ridicule, rather pathetic.

'That's sis all over, being silly again! 🤷‍♀️ Do we think she's going a bit ... You know ...? Might she need some sort of help?'

It will reduce her power over you.

And show her the law regarding blackmail. She could do with a shock.

@2JFDIYOLO - @InsufficantLizard doesn't want to say exactly what her sister is demanding she does, but in her OP, she says, "She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable)."

Definitely. Especially as the OP is really not coming back. Either because the story is complete fiction or because there really is no context that puts her in a better light. It’s definitely fishy that she wouldn’t give us any details at all.

Tell your DH. Don’t ever let yourself be blackmailed. If he knows what she’s like he’ll be more inclined to be on your side. If she tells him first and you have to do a lot of explaining afterwards that will go much worse for you. It’s a horrible situation to be in, but I think damage control is absolutely the way to go. You can’t let someone this horrible hold this power over you. Depending on what was said, can you say that she tricked you into saying it? The fact that she has recorded it and is now attempting to blackmail you with it makes the notion of her tricking you into it very plausible. It sort of fits with her behaviour if you see what I mean.

Unless you tell him you’ll forever worry about it

OP, what happened? Are you ok?