DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

My sister has done similar. I have nothing to do with her.

Tell him you had suspicions so gave her what she wanted/was coercing you into saying and waited.
You were right. Does he think you should go to the police?

Take her power away and reveal all yourself. It’s the only way. Then go non contact with your horrible sister.

Sounds like a magazine title this, and it being something small I wonder if it will be in a magazine tomorrow. 🤔

Aside from that depends on context id speak to him as you will be bribed time and time again over something small

Are you certain she actually has this recording?

Blackmail is a serious offence and DSis could be imprisoned for it if it ever went to court. You do need to come clean with DH though even if the whole thing could blow up in your face. If you have evidence then you can show this to DH but this sounds like it has been going on for sometime - he surely can't not have been aware of the undercurrents within the family. The fall out from that has to be better than being blackmailed forever and a day by your DSis.
Your DH may or may not be understanding about the 'comment' made in whatever context it was made but at you will be free of an evil DSis who resorts to blackmail for her own ends and you will regain your peace of mind.

If what you said is only bad taken out of context then just explain it to DH and your family with the context, so for example if the recording is that you said ‘I’d sleep with DH’s brother’ but the context is you were playing a game of ‘would you rather’ and the choices were his brother and his dad just explain that. If it’s something that’s only bad because she’s removed all context you should be able to clear it up pretty easily by just explaining the situation behind why you said it.

But what happens next time?,and the time after that?.It will never end and OP will be on edge for the rest of her life.
Me personally I'd tell my DH and never speak to the sister again.Id rather that than have someone have a hold over me like that and bowing to her every demand.

Do you have evidence of what she wants you to do? Texts? You could text her and tell her you’ve sought legal advice and that what she is proposing is blackmail and if shes illegally recorded you then the police have told you they will arrest her. Call her fuckibg bluff right back at her..

You just have to tell him. If you do what she wants now she will know she has you. Next time (and the million times after) what she wants will just get more and more ridiculous.

Your sister sounds like a sneaky manipulative cow 😮.

If you have evidence of her blackmail you could report it or at least make that threat back to her.
but I think honesty is the best answer with your husband though. Explain that it was taken out of context.

Dark humour and unfiltered thoughts is rife within my friendship group, none of
us would expect anyone to be recording - actually given me the fear.

The relationship is dead. If people are going to take her side you're better off without them. Go go the feds.

Hi, sorry you are having to deal with this. You do not say what the subject matter is or what she is demanding you do for her silence and obviously you do not have to if you don't feel comfortable sharing it, but it would be easier for some PPs to give you relatable advice. Only you know how DH will react so I will not say you should tell him as that could break up your marriage, just as not telling him and he finding out about it anyway. What I would say is that you cannot live with the sword of Damocles hanging over you. I had a sister almost 2 years older than me who bullied me throughout our childhood and for most of the years following, she embarrassed me, took my money that I had hidden towards food and the rent, whilst I was at work on numerous occasions but as I was staying at her flat at the time, having returned to the area from London, I felt unable to do anything about it. She would show me up in front of people on nights out and was a jealous, spiteful, evil person. There are so many instances of her nasty behaviour and some horrific things that she did to me and others including our Mother. who she treated terribly. I turned on her when I was in my 20's when Mother (no drama queen) took an overdose of tablets to try and end it, because of evil sister showing her up in local pub and getting all of so called friends to laugh or move to another table for absolutely nothing, except she was an evil bitch and all her "friends" who were actually our Mother's friends, were frightened of her. When I found out what had happened from my Auntie, (who rang me at work after calling at Mothers and finding her unconcious. Father used to work away so he was not at home at the time), I marched into the pub and threatened her and the so called friends, with what would happen if Mother did not make it. I swear I would have done time for the pack of bullies - I was no longer frightened of her ever again. She also did something after that - about 6/7 years later (1983) that was so horrific that I had a breakdown and never spoke to her again. I blanked her every time she was near me, although Mother and Father thought I should make up with her a few years later WTF!! I never did speak to her again even after our parents died in 1988 (Father) and 1993 (Mother) and for over 35 years totally ignored her. She died about 7 years ago, of Cancer but I never visited her in hospital or went to her funeral although my younger sister insisted on giving me a blow by blow account. I was sad - not for not visiting her but for the fact that because of her evil personality and actions all those years ago, I could not visit her but it still made me sad that I should have spent the last hours with a dying sister but I could never forgive her for what she had done. I still suffer severe MH problems because of it, but I really cannot discuss it on here as it was so terrible and I will end up not being able to sleep for months just remembering.

Are you older or younger than your sister?. Just trying to get an idea of the sibling dynamic. When was this conversation that affects your DH, as in last month, last year, 10 years ago? Is what she is asking you to do illegal in any way? I believe if you went to the Police regarding the blackmail, they would be interested - years ago they may not have been any reaction by Police but there is so much in the media now regarding bullying, co-ercive control, that they do take notice even if just to cover their own backs. Is there anything in the recorded conversation between you and your sister, which could be explained away as bravado or meant as a joke by you? They say attack is the best form of defence so you may just have to tell your DH, explaining your anger towards your sister, is due to her exaggerating/lying about the facts and telling him that you are reporting it to the Police as she is twisting everything, trying to blackmail you to do her bidding, and that you are not going to put up with bullying behaviour from anyone, just in case he jumps on the bandwagon of aggression with her, towards you. Good luck, I really hope you sort it.

Talk to her about it while recording the conversation. Do a couple of trial runs with tv on to check sound is picked ok. Ask specific question/cover required topics to clear your name/prove it’s taken out of context and being done out of spite. Don’t reveal you’ve recorded the conversation at the time- wait until you can check it’s worked incase you need to get further proof. Take many, many deep breaths before, during and after each step. Either bite the bullet and calmly explain situation to husband. OR call her bluff and just let her do what she’s going to do. If she tells your husband then play tit for tat.
Honest is the best policy in a marriage, and mutual trust a foundation. You can choose to be honest and talk to your DH about it all either before or after her big reveal.
Quite frankly, drama like this makes me feel exhausted just thinking about it. So there’s only so much I could be arsed with. Your husband can either believe you or not. Either way, put an end to this shit once and for all. Grey rock, grey rock, grey rock.
FYI I haven’t read all the posts

Back already having read your second post. Speak to your husband ffs. You said yourself you know you should. If he knows your sister and trusts you then it shouldn’t be an issue. Either way, NC with her from this moment onwards. Life is way too short for this shit.

It doesn’t look like the OP is going to come back to the thread. But if she does, IMO the only thing to do is come clean to her DH, and then have nothing more to do with her toxic sister.

Set your phone to record all calls. Then phone her (or wait till she phones you) and try to reason with her. See if this lures her into repeating her threats. Say to her what you have posted here-that she knows she is twisting things etc, then beg her not to deliberately do this. In other words, capture her blackmail on a recording.
Easy for a stranger to say, but blackmailers thrive on fear and shame. Hold your head up, play the recording to all relevant people, and watch her power over you dissolve.
You may have to deal with painful fallout, but that feeling of dread will have gone.

I think you only have one choice. If you say nothing, it will be worse when it comes out. And if it doesn't, you will always be wondering if and when it will come out. And if it does it will be worse. I think hold your hands up to DH explain.

If you do what she wants, she'll eventually send it anyway, as there will be something I the future you're not prepare to do.

Blackmail is a crime, so maybe you could use that angle.

Record her threats and then tell her you're going to the police.

I'd speak to the police. It's blackmail.

What will the Police do about it?

Does she record all your conversations, or just the ones where she's hoping to trip you up into saying something she can cut and paste and fuck you up with?

I'd ask her that, for a start, preferably with witnesses around. In a lighthearted manner as if you don't really acre but are curious. Then I would laughingly tell the story....

Pressed post by mistake...

I'd do it that way ^^ as my brother once said to me when we were children, "if something bad happens thinkg of how to turn it into a funny story" so that's what I'd do. It works really well in all circumstances I've encountered in 67 years. Admittedly, not your exact circumstances, but not so far off, either.

Tell him the truth, give him the context. Surely he'll believe you? Does he know that your sister is a bit odd?

If someone played me a recording of my partner saying something about me in an attempt to cause an issue between us (assuming it wasn't something horrendous like admitting they don't love me/love someone else/confessing an affair etc) I'd assume they were bonkers!

I'd block her and go NC with her. Block her on everything, and block her on your husband's things if you can. And no I wouldn't tell him. I'd ride it out and hope she won't do it.

Are you really sure she has the recording, that it even exists, and she isn't just bluffing to get what she wants?

OP, AI can create unbelievably realistic voice matched recording if you give it a sample.