DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

Why would he believe her over you? If you want her to stop threatening you you have to tell him.

Without knowing the context police may be inappropriate.

For all we know the dsis might have recording of OP saying DM's signature lemon drizzle cake tastes like socks and unless OP gives dsis her secret scone recipe she is going to tell her.

Or she has a recoding of OP saying she fantasises about shagging her BIL because he is hot and her dh is getting a bit boring and unless she gives her a lift to Tesco on Saturday morning she will tell.

Police are really not going to be interested in family playground drama!

This. Presuming whatever she’s got over you isn’t illegal then she’ll come out of it worse.

OP - is it slagging your DH off ?

He will likely get over that, particularly if it was during a rough patch.

You don’t give into terrorists.

She’s planning to throw a bomb into your family and she will continue to do so, regardless of what “ransom” you pay her.

Tell her to do what she must and manage the fall out, at least she’s rewarded you of her plans so you can work out how best to defuse the situation 🤷‍♀️

So you say it first and you let people's response be the measure of whether you want them in your life. If someone can't understand that you misspoke or were taken out of context then why bother.

Tell your DH about it and explain the context and that she’s been blackmailing you - you could even say she’s made it sound worse by faking bits with AI, whether that’s a morally ok thing to tell your DH or not only you can decide

You are stuck either way, so just tell DH. You said with context it’s not that bad. The only way this will blow up your family is if you let it. Get ahead, tell him, laugh it off. Let your DSis do whatever she wants. Clearly she wants something from you and is trying very hard to get it. DH should be aware of that also.

You said it so own it. If it's out of context then explain the context.

What did you say, and what does she want from you? Impossible to comment without the facts.

I'd get proof that she was blackmailing me then tell her and threaten to go to the police. Tell her that blackmail is a crime (unlike, I'm guessing, whatever it is she has on you?). If she doesn't back off then go to the police and then tell your dh everything. He'll find out anyway, even if you give in to her blackmail threats as she'll keep coming back for more and you'll be in a constant state of panic. Better you tell dh in your own words before she gets chance to but I'd definitely report her to the police, if only to stop her doing it to anyone else.

If your family will be destroyed then at least have it be at your hand and take away the power she feels be doing it, and hearing the explanation from you will be the best chance you have of mitigating the damage.

Show him the messages from SIL with the context if he's a decent man he'll be out raged that someone is trying to hurt you in this way

She sounds like an unhinged bitch that would tell him regardless

I’d tell your dh so you have control. Then tell your sis you have told him, won’t be blackmailed then kick her out of your life for good

I'd leave it alone and avoid her. If she ever does it she will come off worse because noone likes people that behave that way and deep down she probably knows it.

Once she's done it she has lost all control and power and that's what she actually wants.

What did you say? If it is something like "I hate DH's mum", I would just tell your DH and say you were having a bad day.

If it is something like "I hate DH, I'm planning to leave him, and never let him see his children again", I'm not sure there could be a good context.

I think you need to say what the recording says in order for anyone here to give you any real advice.

Then you tell him first, in context. You say it's not that bad in context, right? So tell him the whole thing

Then you can end by saying that she threatened to edit it to make it sound awful if you didn't do what she wanted you to do.

You aren't stuck, you tell your DH and explain the truth. If you ignore your sister, the blackmail always hangs over you. If you give her what she wants, do you really think she'll just delete the tape? She will escalate this further

You can never give in to blackmail. I would point out to her that by disclosing the information she will likely destroy her relationship with your DH as well.
I would call her bluff, don’t engage with her at all about anything but in the meantime get your ducks in order if she does disclose so you have time to prepare what to say to DH.

Get evidence of the blackmail threat and tell her you will take it to the police

This.

And come clean to DH. If context is relevant maybe he will understand? Can you say anymore about what was said? How did she come to have a recording?!

If someone was blackmailing me unless my family’s lives were at risk I’d tell them to jog on.
And if you and your dh are so vulnerable from a random recording (assuming no cheating, gambling or criminal activity) then your relationship is at risk anyway.

The only things my partner could say that would ruin our relationship was that he loved/wanted someone else and not me, but i can see how context could take it from statement to hypothetical if i'd died etc, but she must have had great timing for something like that.

If it’s not that bad in context, then tell your partner the context before he hears the message out of context. Apologise for what you said and move on.

If you give her whatever it is that she wants, she’ll just weaponise it again and again.

She sounds v angry at you to resort to such a measure. Worth thinking about.