DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

Never, ever give someone the power to blackmail you by doing what they ask. Take action before they do.

It's all how you have the conversation with DH.

"dsis and I were talking, I said this, she said this etc... Then she has secretly recorded me and clipped it to make it sound like I was saying this when I wasn't".

If it is genuinely out of context then your explanation should make sense.

But either way, I would rather blow up my life than let someone blackmail me.

Besides, even if she doesn't release it this time, it will always be hanging over your head until you tell the truth.

How is she blackmailing, verbally, written? If it’s written, happy days, but she’d be stupid to do that.

If it was me, I’d fight fire with fire and get a recording of her if it’s verbal and turn the tables and threaten that you’ll ruin her by using it against her to bring her down hard.

problem is with me, having had shit thrown at me one too many times, I’ve become a bit of a nutcase with this type of thing and like a fight, taking people like this down causing as much harm to them as possible.

It is difficult to advise without context. I'm imagining something like comments you made about a stepchild.

It's the timescales. Tell him and it's one hit; give in and you'll have to do so over and over.

I guess the other question is why don't you trust him to believe your side? As PPs said take evidence of the blackmail. Also think about attack being the best defence and how are you going to protect yourself from this happening again? Maybe don't spend time with her - and you need to tell DH why if you're going to get him onside with that.

Don't let this one thing spawn other secrets you need to keep from your husband.

Calmly sit your DH out and tell him factually. Your sister secretly recorded you saying something out of context, (I presume she led you to say this? If so, say that) and now she is threatening to damage the marriage. Now, I don’t know what you have said so it could go any which way but you need to get ahead of this, take ownership of what you said and why and how it impacts your DH.

Option 1 tell your dh and cross your fingers - out of context, manipulated and she thinks you will believe her over me and is trying to blackmail me as a result .. if he doesn’t take your part the relationship is already dead

option 2 have you family fall apart either quickly if she sends it or slowly if she uses it for further manipulation

you really have nothing to lose by telling him and everything to gain

Tell the people involved first. Explain the context and if she does, she'll look like a right blackmailing idiot.

Even if the shit does hit the fan, you'll still feel better if you speak up first and say you're being blackmailed.

Call her bluff. Tell your husband - the fallout is a risk you need to take.

As she sounds like a complete bitch. NC sounds good.

Tell DH she's blackmailing you ASAP, that takes her power away and will give you peace of mind. If what you've said, taken in context, isn't awful then you've nothing to worry about.
Then you can decide whether to take this further with police etc. Blackmail is illegal and I'm fairly sure recording someone without their permission is too...

Can you tell DH what you’ve told us. Tell him it’s out of context, even explain the context, without actually telling him.

Then tell DSis that you’ve told him.

You can then tell her to go ahead because you've already told him and that you want nothing more to do with her.

But if it’s fine with context, surely you just explain the context?!?

It’s always my approach. The one who goes first usually wins.

@InsufficantLizard

What is it? What did you say?

I agree with pps that blackmailing is a criminal offence, but you can't report her and go through police/criminal charges etc, without said 'thing' coming out.

Speak to your DH with full, honest context. It’ll be painful, but not as painful as this sword hanging over your head. Write it down first. And then again. Make sure you have the details straight. Keep it to hand if you’re not sure you can speak about it.

Don’t bring the ‘out of context’ stuff up until your DH has had time to process what you tell them. Telling your truth will take power away from your sister in controlling your life.

She's a blackmailer and blackmailers, if successful, come back for more. Give in to her demands and before you know it there will be another unreasonable request.

The only way to be certain this stops is to tell your DH with as much context as possible

It sounds as though whatever you’ve said is going to come out anyway. It’s better to come from you and you have the chance to explain than for him to hear it from her and then your on the back foot.

You currently have the power - use it and remove hers.

I would tell your sister you are going to tell your husband and you are also going to go to the police to report the blackmail and see what she says. Best to tell your husband first.

This.

Or, just tell your sister you're going to do this. And therefore what she has is worthless.
Tell her you've been laying groundwork by telling DH about how your sister is using AI

Ask your sister what she is going to do via text.

Take that police and report her for blackmail.

You act completely unbothered, say “oh DSIs I’ve been looking into this blackmail thing, and it’s just SO easy to fake recordings these days with AI, everyone is doing it just with a voice sample. You would look like such a prize idiot trying to frame me for saying something I never said!” And laugh.

Are you sure this recording even exists? or might she be bluffing?

@InsufficantLizard have you heard the recording that she is saying she has? is she bullshitting?

If it exists, then absolutely the best way of diffusing her is to tell DH the correct version and it will take all the wind out of her sails

And yes to getting evidence of her blackmail and tell her that you are going to the police. not even if she tells DH, report her anyway because it's against the law and you have had enough of her and her spite.

The relationship is broken anyway, she did that so fuck it, take control of this and blow her up

Good idea - if you can get a written admission from her that will help back up your version of events to DH and the police, if you decide to take it that far.

If you do what she wants this time she will keep blackmailing you in the future. I would tell my husband myself to remove the power she has. Blackmail is a criminal offence - maybe point this out to her?

I don’t know why you are referring to her as ‘D’ sis as she sounds like a piece of work. Talk to DH. It’s only going to eat at you otherwise. Personally I’d tell people what she’s done. If she’s recording you she’s likely doing it to others.