DSis threatening to destroy my family with secret recording what do I do?

[InsufficantLizard]

NC for this because it’s beyond messy, and I feel sick even typing it.

Long story short, DSis and I have always had a strained relationship, but we were civil for the sake of DM. Well, that’s out the window now. She’s been holding onto a secret recording of me saying something (out of context, obviously) that could genuinely ruin my marriage and family life if it got out. She’s now threatening to send it to DH and possibly others unless I do what she wants (not going into details, but it’s completely unreasonable).

I feel like I’m in a nightmare. DH would be absolutely gutted if he heard it, even though I swear it’s not what it sounds like. I don’t know whether to try and reason with her (unlikely to work), preemptively tell DH (but risk blowing everything up myself), or just wait and see if she actually does it.

For context, DSis has always been a bit of a drama queen, but this is next level. I just don’t understand how my own sister could be so cruel.

What would you do? Anyone been in a similar situation? Handhold needed, please. I feel sick. 😞

I agree with this

Can you get evidence of the blackmail? Maybe look at going the legal route.

You need to get out in front of it - if you try and wait it out you'll be forever wondering if she will bring it up again

Explain the exact context and what you said. Hope he understands. Then cut all contact and never speak to her again

The only thing you can do is take back the control. Sit your DH down and say that you have something to talk to him about. Explain the context, explain the manipulation of the sound recording in that the relevant part is cut off, grovel as it sounds like you did say something that would hurt DH, context or not. Explain you never wanted it tonget back to him as you were ashamed and sorry the moment the words left your mouth, but that now your sister has recorded it and is using it as blackmail to control you.

Then message your sister and say you've told your husband what has happened, and any further attempts to manipulate you based on a recording will be filed with the police as blackmail.

you have sensibly name changed and this site is anonymous

therefore, you probably should put what is is she has a recording of so we can help you

i bet that is isn’t that bad anyway.

she is a blackmailing bitch - don’t do what she wants.

Blackmailing is illegal.

why don’t you just write what she’s got a recording of and we can help you more?

Where has she recorded it? Can you get a hold of it and delete it?

I would talk to my DH, come clean about what I said, explain the context, and tell him I'm being blackmailed by my sister. I would then cut all contact with her completely and forever. If you give her what she wants, she will only ask for more and it will become a viscious circle. Your sister sounds utterly toxic. Do you have her threats in writing as a text message?

As others have said it's difficult to advise without knowing the details but your dh is likely to find out anyway either from dsis or if you tell him. Wouldn't it be better if you were honest with him and it came from you rather than dsis

This. You need to get in first OP.

If you can explain the context, why would DH react badly? Is he not reasonable?
I think you need to tell us what you said, and the context,for more helpful responses.
I wouldn't give in to her blackmail - she'd hold it iver you for ever if tou did.

You are not stuck. Get that out of your head.
Try being bloody furious at your sister. Refuse to play her game. Cut her off now. Be the adult.
Then, tell your DH everything.
Done and dusted.

It sounds like the recording suggests you had an affair but you didn't? I know someone who threatened their close family member in a similar (very awful) way and the person being blackmailed said "just do it then, shows what type of person you are", the blackmailer never did it, in fact claimed they never would do it.

Do not give into your sister's demands, either tell DH the full story or call her bluff. Your relationship with your sister is over anyway.

I think she would send it to him eventually anyway. Her threats and demands will escalate until you feel you have to tell him. So do it now. Explain the out of context thing fully.

OP disappeared I see

I noticed that. How typical. 🙄

First of all, ignore anyone saying to go along with her demands, because it's not as if this recording ceases to exist if you do. If you give in, she WILL do this again, because you'll have showed her the leverage works.

Second, you need to come clean with your DH. TELL him the context, and tell him generally what was said. You don't really need to be specific because once he knows whatever the worst bit is, your sister will probably not bother sharing the specifics.

You really need to get in there first so that you're the one controlling the narrative. If she gets in first, she gets to dictate the terms and leave him thinking the worst.

I would tell your DH first because you’ll destroy her perceived power in one fell swoop. Then, you can explain the context to him. If he’s a reasonable person then he’ll understand and he can ask any questions he has.

Telling your DH takes away all of her power. You have no choice. He may angry over it initially, but explain the context and how she's twisting it. It's far worse if he hears it from her.

When this Is all out in the open i would then go nc with dsis she sounds vile

How do you know she actually has a recording and isn’t bluffing ? Have you heard it ?

Mate, just tell him. If it’s that you think some bloke at work is gorgeous or you’re complaining about the light bouncing of your husbands head, it’s really not that bad.

Exactly this.

Ooooh good point. Otherwise she must have been recording constantly to get the one piece of falsely incriminating evidence. Unlikely.

And I would also keep copies of any malicious messages she sends, but once you’ve spoke to your husband, I would block all communication with her. You don’t need someone like this in your life.