To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

[Justallabitblahreally]

Hear me out, feeling a bit desperate, so maybe not thinking straight about it

We live abroad, Dd has been ill for a while and whilst being bright, she’s had to miss a lot of school and I feel it’s too much of a struggle for her now in her local school, even though she is fluent in the local language.
There are various fee paying International schools nearby, which I feel she’d be so much happier at and they would provide much more support.
They don’t cost as much as in the uk, but it’s still out of our price range.
Dh works really hard for a good wage for where we live, but the wages are very low compared to many other countries.
Dh is an essential member of the team and they really need him as can’t find workers of his level in the area, they’ve told him this and are keen to keep him.
The main shareholder in the company he works for is an extremely wealthy, multimillionaire and a thoroughly nice guy. One of his Dd’s has had similar issues to our Dd and he’s offered to get us appointments (him paying) with various specialists in America, luckily Dd is improving and should be ok 🙏
I was reading about how many companies recruit from abroad to bring skilled workers to their workplace. They sometimes provide them with an apartment or with school places at a nearby International school as part of the package. We own our home and his wage, although its considered good for where we are, isn’t comparable to the work he puts in.

I feel like it’s crunch time, Dd needs an English speaking school and style of teaching. If we can’t have her in a school like that, I believe we should return to the uk.

Would it be crazy to propose this idea to the boss, that as part of his working contract it provides schooling for Dd? We would of course explain the reasons why and that we would have to return to the uk

Sorry it’s so long 😬

*Dd’s

You can only ask - how does DH feel about asking?

All you can do is ask. It won't come down to whether its "nice" or "kind" or a "fair" thing to do. It will be whether the overall remuneration package your partner gets is competitive or actually they need him enough that they are willing to add to it to keep him.

Is this wealthy shareholder actually his boss? I think this sounds like clutching at straws to be honest. By all means raise it with his employer but it would require a new contract which you would need to ensure was valid for the length of her schooling. I certainly wouldn't be relying on someone to put their hand in their pocket out of goodwill.

You can but ask.

My late husband's daughter worked for an oil company. She was posted abroad, and the company paid all the moving costs, helped find accommodation and paid for a place at an "International" [translation - English speaking] Nursery and then International Primary School.

I was also going to ask how your dh feels about asking. If it genuinely would mean he needs to leave and you all relocate then I guess he has nothing to loose especially if his boss has been very understanding. Did you take him up on his offer of paying for treatment for her before? Or will this be the first time you've asked or received any money from him?

YANBU to ask. It's no different than going to the boss and asking for a raise, effectively. Many expat packages for specialised skilled workers in lots of parts of the world will include school fees, accommodation paid for, a flight home every year, moving costs paid for etc.

It's worth preparing the arguments just as he would if it was a salary negotiation - pull together his worth to the team, achievements and contributions he's made, etc. Basically highlighting his value to justify the "raise" ie. school fees.

Haven’t put it to him, just been thinking about it first, i’m thinking he may say it’s ridiculous, but he’s not the type who pushes for anything.

Only ask if you and DH are 100% committed to the plan that if they say no you will return to the uk. If they say no and he stays it will be seriously damaging to his credibility

Why doesn't he just ask for a pay rise and say he needs it to pay for DD's education, otherwise he may have to reluctantly consider returning to the UK.

I think it's emotionally manipulative to ask his employer to pay the school fees and you are putting him in an incredibly awkward position if he doesn't want to.

Do you work?

We didn’t take him up on his offer as we’re luckily able to receive treatment where we are and have paid for that ourselves

It would be the first time…never asked or received any money before

I certainly wouldn't frame the request the way you have in your title! But you're quite right that school fees (either in full or a part contribution) often form part of an expat package, so it's not a crazy idea in principle. But usually it would be part of the deal upfront, and from the sounds of it you're not expats in the traditional sense?

If you're serious about returning to the UK if you can't access alternative schooling where you are, then your DH can certainly make school fees or an equivalent pay rise the condition of him staying on. Then it's up to them to decide if they are willing to pay. But unless you are genuinely prepared to walk away if they say no then it would be a risky strategy.

Wishing good health to your DD.

I do, but don’t earn enough to pay for an International school, my wages would be much higher in the uk

What country are you in and how old is your daughter?
my experience of global mobility is that lots of employers pay for international school fees for many years, if not until end of compulsory school age.

No harm in asking at all. I have worked in international schools in two countries and most of our students' fees were paid by the company a parent worked for.

The problem is that this wasn’t said at the beginning of his employment, he’s been with them for five years. It’s only now we have this problem and it’s made me think about it

In my experience, school fees are a standard part of an expat package, so he should negotiate with HR. Wishing you all the best, it doesn’t sound like an easy situation for you to be in.

@Justallabitblahreally The argument used by DH's daughter was that they needed their daughter to be educated according to the English system so that she could just slot back into school when they got home.

There is a good chance that the school fees would be a business expenditure, so it would cost less for the company to pay it than increase his salary accordingly.

He should ask for a raise or renegotiate his package to include school fees.

Simple! No need to lay on loads of emotional stuff.

The company will see it in transactional terms anyway.

Higher HR cost in return for talent retention.

I don't know what the laws are where you are, but here you couldn't do it because they'd legally have to offer it to all employees and it would be seen as a benefit in kind, so taxed.

The way around it would be to have the boss do it as a loan that's paid back out of salary. Rich business owners like this because it's a way to reduce corp tax.

I would ask, but in a less direct way. Something like "We've reached the end of the school system here working for DD and sadly feel she needs an English language education. It looks like returning to the uk is likely, but I first just wanted to check that there aren't any funds put aside for employee's children to attend private schools here". If boss then wants to personally offer you money for it he can.

A lot of overseas riles come with relocatjon packages and some with school fees. Essentially, you are asking for a payrisr to the cost of the school fees. Based on your husbands salary , if this seems reasonable to you then ask for it. If you are going to return to the UK anyway if you can't get the fees covered, then why not ask as you have nothing to lose.