To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

[Justallabitblahreally]

Hear me out, feeling a bit desperate, so maybe not thinking straight about it

We live abroad, Dd has been ill for a while and whilst being bright, she’s had to miss a lot of school and I feel it’s too much of a struggle for her now in her local school, even though she is fluent in the local language.
There are various fee paying International schools nearby, which I feel she’d be so much happier at and they would provide much more support.
They don’t cost as much as in the uk, but it’s still out of our price range.
Dh works really hard for a good wage for where we live, but the wages are very low compared to many other countries.
Dh is an essential member of the team and they really need him as can’t find workers of his level in the area, they’ve told him this and are keen to keep him.
The main shareholder in the company he works for is an extremely wealthy, multimillionaire and a thoroughly nice guy. One of his Dd’s has had similar issues to our Dd and he’s offered to get us appointments (him paying) with various specialists in America, luckily Dd is improving and should be ok 🙏
I was reading about how many companies recruit from abroad to bring skilled workers to their workplace. They sometimes provide them with an apartment or with school places at a nearby International school as part of the package. We own our home and his wage, although its considered good for where we are, isn’t comparable to the work he puts in.

I feel like it’s crunch time, Dd needs an English speaking school and style of teaching. If we can’t have her in a school like that, I believe we should return to the uk.

Would it be crazy to propose this idea to the boss, that as part of his working contract it provides schooling for Dd? We would of course explain the reasons why and that we would have to return to the uk

I'm glad your daughter is on the mend.

Genuine question - if your daughter is fluent in the local language, what will an English speaking school offer that a local one can't? Could additional tutoring do that in a more affordable way?

If you go in asking for him to pay for school for your sick daughter or you'll leave, it may well come across as emotionally blackmailing him which will do your husband's reputation no favours. Plus it puts him in a really difficult position if he cant/won't. Plus what happens if he decides to stop paying it or he dies etc?

Just ask for a raise and put a good business case together. If you threaten to leave, make sure you are willing and able to do that. Otherwise your husband will look daft and again it will damage his reputation.

Good luck.

Happy Valley 😮

Was your dh recruited locally? In which case he is understandably not on an expat contract. If he is an expat, schooling is normally standard. It doesn’t sound as if he is as you’ve paid for healthcare, which is generally provided.

As others have said, school fees are very often part of the deal when people work overseas, so I don’t think it’s an outrageous suggestion at all.

My partner owns a business and one of his employees asked for a pay rise to pay for his wife’s boob job. I am not joking. He did give him the pay rise as he said he is a good member of staff. (Nothing to do with me as we live apart, separate finances, not my business). The point being you can ask for whatever you want but the boss has the choice of saying yes or no.

My FIL worked abroad for many years and his employer paid for private education for DH and his siblings. It was part of the package when the family relocated and was applied to every country they lived in.

Was your DH employed whilst already living in the country or did he relocate to take up the job offer? It doesn't sound like this is the case as education would usually be part of the contract.

I wouldn't ask for an employer to cover school fees at this stage. If your DH is truly invaluable to the employer, then he should ask for a raise. By all means, say why he is requesting it. But you saying your DH is worth more than he is paid is all relative to the living costs of the country you are in. If we voluntarily moved to Spain, then DH's salary would halve. That doesn't mean he is being underpaid and he should be earning twice the salary.

If your DH asks for an increase in salary, then he needs to be prepared to move countries to find the salary he wants/needs.

He sounds like a very valued member of the team, so am sure something can be negotiated to accommodate this.
Absolutely no harm in trying

I think he needs to have a frank conversation about the intention of moving back to the UK if DD cannot go to the international school. Employer can then decide.

It depends. The OP's DH will be looking for a minimum of a 10K raise (e.g. of an Int. school in Spain). That is a hefty increase for someone earning e.g. 40K.

@Sleepington it's definitely worth the DH saying what the money is for rather than just a straightforward increase in salary. It may be more advantageous for the company to add school fees as part of his package, rather than set a precedent of salary for that position. I can imagine one or two positions within my team where I wouldn't want to justify an increase in base salary for that role, but might be willing to pay school fees directly to keep someone.

This is common enough even in the UK for HMRC to have guidance on how it's to be treated: https://www.gov.uk/expenses-benefits-school-fees-for-employees-child

If he isn't paid well for the work he puts in, it isn't a good wage compared with other countries, you can't earn as much as you would in the UK, and you would prefer your DD in an English speaking school, why are you staying there? (In case they call your bluff)
I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for the fees BTW, agree completely normal for expat

Is your husband an expat from his employers' point of view?

Asking because my organisation has expats from our own country + local staff at each branch, but our local staff are often from our own country too. They are however fulfilling roles that are deemed to be locally available, so they would never ever get the expat benefits. Our organisation would never ever go for it either because we do not want the tax implications, the precedent, the hassle, or the principle.

It regularly causes resentment because people see the difference in treatment but not the rationale, and while they are of course told by the organisation that they are very valuable and they are, that always means within the context of "available on the local market at local conditions".

If you are committed to going back to the UK if it doesn't work out, of course, there can be no harm in trying.

I might be being dense, but I'm not clear from your post whether or not you want to ask your bed to personally fund the school fees, as a favour to a friendly colleague, or you are looking to renegotiate a benefit package to include either school fees paid direct, or a pay rise to roughly that amount.

The first would be wildly inapproprioate, even if this person has offered to support your DH as a friend before outside of their professional relationship. The latter is fine, but I think your DH should frame it as something he's looking for as a result of the time he's built up there and to help address the Pull Factors in the UK - steer clear of any sob stories.

I think this is a very good way of putting it, regardless of the status of your husband's job.

(Also notice international schools are often expensive and prestigious, but also a bit of a clusterfuck. Go in with your eyes wide open!)

Luckily no other members of the team have kids, aside from this man (his kids are at the school Dd would go to) and another boss, who has children already in public school (he isn’t an ex pat, wouldn’t want his children in an International school)
Would this make a difference?

This is also our experience. In fact dh was an ‘expat’ in his country of nationality for a while. At another place, one Brit was very salty about not commanding the same benefits as dh and some of their colleagues. There weren’t many others so dh, the boss, a handful of Europeans and a few Americans. Everyone else local contract. His issue was he’d relocated there for the job. But so had a lot of other people as it was a new start up division.

I think this would look incredibly weird and inappropriate to most employers.

You haven’t answered if your dh is an expat. It appears not at least reading between the lines. Considering a boss isn’t sending his dcs to international school it may be a hard sell. But worth a shot if your prepared to move if not.

How much is your DH earning and how much are the school fees?

?????

How much would school fees be a year compared to what your husband currently earns? It's not unreasonable to ask for a review of pay and benefits if he's doing well/ been there a while /is thinking of leaving due to a combination of pay and family circumstances.

I guess you've never worked abroad as an "ex-pat".

The lifestyle is incredible, we live in a beautiful area, Dd has a very safe, free childhood, lots of friends, nice community etc. Would be a shame to leave in many ways. We get by okay and have a good lifestyle, just not enough for these fees unfortunately, it’s the only one thing.

This

Clusterfuck how? 😅