To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

[Justallabitblahreally]

Hear me out, feeling a bit desperate, so maybe not thinking straight about it

We live abroad, Dd has been ill for a while and whilst being bright, she’s had to miss a lot of school and I feel it’s too much of a struggle for her now in her local school, even though she is fluent in the local language.
There are various fee paying International schools nearby, which I feel she’d be so much happier at and they would provide much more support.
They don’t cost as much as in the uk, but it’s still out of our price range.
Dh works really hard for a good wage for where we live, but the wages are very low compared to many other countries.
Dh is an essential member of the team and they really need him as can’t find workers of his level in the area, they’ve told him this and are keen to keep him.
The main shareholder in the company he works for is an extremely wealthy, multimillionaire and a thoroughly nice guy. One of his Dd’s has had similar issues to our Dd and he’s offered to get us appointments (him paying) with various specialists in America, luckily Dd is improving and should be ok 🙏
I was reading about how many companies recruit from abroad to bring skilled workers to their workplace. They sometimes provide them with an apartment or with school places at a nearby International school as part of the package. We own our home and his wage, although its considered good for where we are, isn’t comparable to the work he puts in.

I feel like it’s crunch time, Dd needs an English speaking school and style of teaching. If we can’t have her in a school like that, I believe we should return to the uk.

Would it be crazy to propose this idea to the boss, that as part of his working contract it provides schooling for Dd? We would of course explain the reasons why and that we would have to return to the uk

Well what about a more generalised conversation with the boss about the state of the education your daughter is receiving ad that you’d love to send her to another private school but sadly can’t afford it etc

I think asking for a pay rise would be a cleaner way of handling this. You can say you need it to pay for the English speaking school.

The show starts with a man going to his boss to ask for a pay rise so he can send his daughter to private school. The boss says no, so he colludes with some villains to kidnap the boss's daughter to get money from him and it all spirals from there...

Oh..I see! 😅 yes I have seen HV but don’t remember that part, what was the outcome, did the boss agree?? 😂

It’s fantastic that Dd is fluent in another language, I’m hoping that she’ll retain it as she plays with many friends using her second language and attends clubs etc, so if anything, we’d maybe get a tutor in this language if we see signs she’s losing it?

You are now going to try to afford Int school fees AND a native language tutor.

Where do you see yourself living long term? Where do you think your DD is going to go to secondary school and where is she going to go to uni?

Have you seriously thought about this or is it all nonsense?

There really isn’t though sadly, I’ve looked into everything

I’m sorry I don’t feel comfortable naming the country, I do really appreciate peoples advice though

@Justallabitblahreally

Which language is she fluent in, OP?

I was in Foyles yesterday buying books in the Languages section; I wasn't looking for books for children, but I could see that they had a great selection of suitable books for young learners of languages.

Why do I not remember this 🙈 I think maybe I only watched the most recent series, with that great actor when he escaped prison.
Seems a bit extreme to send your kids to private school 😂

? I’ve seriously thought about it all, it’s all I’ve thought about. I wouldn’t be trying to afford both school fees and a tutor would I? If they were to pay it (highly unlikely) we could have a tutor IF her language skills dropped (we could afford this as isn’t hugely expensive where we are) but I don’t think her language would lessen as we use it daily,
In an ideal world, we’d stay where we are, she’d go to the International school, take her exams and if she wanted to, go to university either where we are or another country.
If this can’t happen, we will see how her school goes, but I don’t think it will work, so we will move back and have to make our life in the uk

I think you have answered your own question.

Very often people return to their home country for educational reasons.

However you may be equally unhappy with schools in the UK. Read the threads on this forum, look at the discussion threads about Adolescence's portrayal of UK schools and you might decide that the last thing you will ever do is move back to the UK.

Can you and your DH afford private school in the UK if you didn't like the education system?

Or because he is highly skilled could he look at relocating and negotiating a good package that includes school fees elsewhere?

Why is everyone making this so complicated?

If DH is the most senior person in this country's branch bar the boss, it's entirely expected that he would be able to negotiate a custom compensation package. It possibly sounds like he didn't do that when he started due to his personality, but that doesn't make it weird (or "frankly embarrassing" as one PP put it?!) - it's entirely standard!

Even if he is a local employee, he can still negotiate for a raise just as he would as a senior employee of a British company.

The only thing I wouldn't do is ask the boss personally for money. It may be that he decides, on hearing your request, to fund it himself for some reason - I don't know the norms of the country you're in - but it would be weird to ask that directly.

I also would not write the request in an email. I'd set up a 1-1 meeting with the boss and explain the situation. It seems that you will go back to the UK in any case if you can't get private school, so there is no downside to being direct.

I live abroad in a very similar situation/ professional set up.
It is incredibly common in these situations that schooling/education, spousal visas, additional contract bonuses to cover flights for visits home etc. are included as part of the standard salary package for international staff who are working in a role that couldn't be recruited for locally.

Research similar companies in the industry and find out what their salary packages are before proposing it, just to give yourselves some facts to fall back on if it opens a discussion rather than a black or white answer.

Yes. Does your DH have opportunity to chat face to face one to one with the boss? If so he could bring it up then and just say about how your dds illness means you think she would be better off in an English speaking school with a different style, and is there any way at all this could be covered by the company.

If he doesn't have that opportunity then a similarly worded email would do.

What does your DH think? He knows the boss and the work culture so I imagine he would be better placed to word it. If you don't ask you won't get.

And the Happy Valley reference is totally irrelevant, unless you suspect your DH will do something nefarious if he gets a no!

As others have said, most expats get schooling included as part of the package so you certainly should ask.

Not unreasonable at all. He should ask for his package to he reviewed noting that compatible positions include school fees and ask if his package could be reviewed to include that.
I wouldn’t justify this with your DDs position but instead with the contribution he brings to the company and the market rate for the role he does.

Winter 8090 seems to have rational advice there.

If asking politely doesn't work, I suggest you keep DD in her cheaper native school, if you can't afford the International one.
Seek and pay for some teachers from the IS to tutor your child in a couple of subject areas and maybe pay for your child to take up a hobby that can transfer to a later school and be joyous for her throughout her whole life.

When you move back to the UK expect that your DD will start a year behind her same age peers so that she can catch up without stress.

Otherwise, have you approached the International school to see if your DD would qualify for a bursary or lower fees due to her bringing special qualities to the school? Is she great at English, sporty, gifted in science, musci etc.?

He’s not an expat, he’s a local hire just like his colleagues.

I've a feeling it's Portugal and this is the OP whose daughter has PANS/Pandas and has missed a lot of school. Previously OP was talking about moving back to the UK and trying to just start again in reception although her daughter is a year or two older. I could be mistaken of course

I think the other crucial element to this is are both you and your husband British, or is this the home country of your DH (or he is a native speaker of the language there?) because I don't think your DH would be considered an expat if this is his country of origin

He’s not an expat because he’s on a local contract. You can be an expat and have the same nationality as the country you are in, it all depends on your contract.

In which case the only reason to try and move her to a private school would be the workload, but then again the international school will still be located in Portugal and the workload will be similar. Portugal just has a lot of tests and homework for children, it always has (even though parents have tried to control this for a number of years now).

I can’t imagine anything more miserable than taking a 7 year old out of school in Portugal and chucking them back in the UK, though.

@Justallabitblahreally initially I had missed your DD is 7. That is really young and she’s still adapting, don’t panic. Children are very resilient.

But yes, the workload is Portugal won’t go down. You can always try and liaise with the teacher so that they can make accommodations for her and help her catch up.

have you considered a private school but not an international one?

where i’m from in Spain, a very good private school is only €400/month and nowadays most of them teach some subject in English.

I think it might be Cyprus.

Is there a possibility of paying 50% of school fees & asking for a raise to cover the remaining 50%?

Op I’d negotiate this a different way, but you’ll need to be prepared to execute on it.

I would say “we need to move back to the UK so DD can go to an English school, she is so far behind, local school is not going to help and we don’t see another way through this as we can’t afford the international/private schools”

then you shut up. You wait to see what he says. He might offer to fix the situation without you actually asking.

Risk is he will say ok, and you move back, but it seems that you might have to do that anyway for your DD.

I've a feeling it's Portugal and this is the OP whose daughter has PANS/Pandas and has missed a lot of school. Previously OP was talking about moving back to the UK and trying to just start again in reception although her daughter is a year or two older. I could be mistaken of course

Whether or not this is the case, I think OP may be looking through rose coloured glasses thinking the UK public schooling system will solve the problem. I think OP needs to really investigate whether the UK system will be supportive of her child’s SEN. If you listen to a lot of people with SEN kids, the struggles many face to achieve a special needs educational learning plan, then even with one the ‘want’ of schools to work with you, it will likely be a very different scenario to that on paper of how UK schools ‘should’ work well in this regard. So in practice may not be the panacea envisaged. I imagine with PANS you’d struggle with recognition of educational adjustments even in the UK system.