To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

[Justallabitblahreally]

Hear me out, feeling a bit desperate, so maybe not thinking straight about it

We live abroad, Dd has been ill for a while and whilst being bright, she’s had to miss a lot of school and I feel it’s too much of a struggle for her now in her local school, even though she is fluent in the local language.
There are various fee paying International schools nearby, which I feel she’d be so much happier at and they would provide much more support.
They don’t cost as much as in the uk, but it’s still out of our price range.
Dh works really hard for a good wage for where we live, but the wages are very low compared to many other countries.
Dh is an essential member of the team and they really need him as can’t find workers of his level in the area, they’ve told him this and are keen to keep him.
The main shareholder in the company he works for is an extremely wealthy, multimillionaire and a thoroughly nice guy. One of his Dd’s has had similar issues to our Dd and he’s offered to get us appointments (him paying) with various specialists in America, luckily Dd is improving and should be ok 🙏
I was reading about how many companies recruit from abroad to bring skilled workers to their workplace. They sometimes provide them with an apartment or with school places at a nearby International school as part of the package. We own our home and his wage, although its considered good for where we are, isn’t comparable to the work he puts in.

I feel like it’s crunch time, Dd needs an English speaking school and style of teaching. If we can’t have her in a school like that, I believe we should return to the uk.

Would it be crazy to propose this idea to the boss, that as part of his working contract it provides schooling for Dd? We would of course explain the reasons why and that we would have to return to the uk

My DC went to International Schools for all their schooling, they have done very well and went to british universities. Always been great schools.
it would have been good to ask at the start of their posting to have schooling included.
Ask, he can only say no but might reject it as it will set a precedent if he agrees to it.

So whilst many expat packages include private schooling, be aware these are very expensive ! So you are basically asking for a massive pay rise for DH.
Only DH can judge whether he's worth it and whether his boss will agree. I know someone whose package didn't include school fees and was unable to renegotiate once he had kids so that was that. Your DH may be successful.

However personally I'd not do the DD illness angle. I think it's simply that you are reaching the end of the road in the state system and want DD to have schooling in English and would he consider including this as part of the package. But maybe this guy is more prone to heart strings being pulled. It really depends

I would leave it up to your DH as he knows his employers better than you do, presumably.

I agree with your view on boarding school and not being something to have as an option.

You need to have a plan if the answer is no in my opinion. Probably a plan to return to the UK.

💯 this

Do you work, OP?

I don't think you can ask this of your DH. It's not fair. He can start looking for other jobs and give his employer the heads up that he needs to find somewhere with a suitable affordable school and see if his employer wants to up his offer ( if they want him that much).

I think this generally would come under 'parental responsibility'. As a local hire or because of the ex-pat choice.

If DH's contract is due for renegotiation soon, he could try to get this included in the package, but it seems much less likely as a local hire. He may be better trying to get his salary increased to cover fees.

This would be an unusual thing to include unless your DH is working at a school you'd like your child to attend.

I don't think it's a good idea. It puts him in a very awkward position. And he could feel he can't show such favouritism to one person. Other workers may have family difficulties too.

It's not clear from your OP if this wealthy shareholder is your DH's direct boss. Is he responsible for contract negotiations/salary? Or are you hoping he will "sponsor" your DD's schooling in the way he offered to pay for healthcare?

Talk w DH, evaluate you financial situation and prioritize. If your child is top priority and u want to stay. Find cheapest place to live, cut back on extras. try for a merit based pay rise (not I need money to buy things) and pay for the school or move back to home country.

OP I really feel for you and your DD’s situation, but I think you might be clutching at straws. Some things to consider:

Absolutely do not suggest that DH will leave unless you are 100% committed to following through. He would lose all credibility for every future negotiation.

What are your realistic options of UK schools based on where you would live / places available for out of cycle admissions? I would look at this in detail so that you can compare DD’s current school fairly. Small classes in UK state schools are not the norm…

One of my main reservations about international schools is the constant churn of kids who are moving countries every 2 years. This could be pretty hard for your DD as friendships can be transient and she will always be the one being left behind.

I agree with a PP that a good option might be for your DH to look for jobs in a different country as an expat, which will include relocation expenses and school fees will be the norm. Best of luck to you.

Yes

Tbh a lot of expats or people working abroad are not on fancy contracts or have a high high salary. We always hear about the % with the great oppotunities of course.

I see no reason why your husband's job should cover a private school for one child of an employee.
But of course you can ask.

You are not in the same situation at all. Read the thread.

The OP’s husband is a local hire. They were living in the country, had bought their own house, for years before the husband got this job. He is not on an expat package at all.

People are grasping at the word expat as OP has not been clear enough.

OP and her husband moved to the country because they wanted to live there. . They worked. They bought a house to live their lives in the sun. They had a daughter.

Five years ago the OP’s husband applied/was offered a new job with a local company. He has been doing well there. His salary is on par with the local salary, if not a little higher because of his experience/skillset.

The OP would now like him to ask for an additional 10K per annum (and a fixed contract for 11 years to cover primary/secondary) which realistically, depending on the country he is in, could be up to a 25% salary increase.

Of course he could ask but…..

i lived in “European sun” for few years. There was a great state school & an English speaking international school.

There was constant complaints about cost of the private, it was unfair, charging too much, even tho fraction of UK private cost.

Many UK families moved there after an amazing holiday. Love the lifestyle. Rent an instagrammable home with garden & maybe pool or a good view. Buy a car. Put the kids in the private school. Where jobs at first seemed good - food is so inexpensive! After couple of years things get expensive, the school is almost affordable (could never in uk) and the job is stagnant or ends. Their wealthy friends living there with ease driving luxury cars, the mums going £££ lunches, driving latest luxury car. Paying school is a struggle and eventually they aren’t paying and complaining how bad the school is, it’s the worst money grubbing & bad teaching.
So they go local because it’s amazing the kids learn the language & they are locals!!! Then mum & dad are at parent conference, don’t understand well enough the curriculum and why child isn’t top of class. Mum & dad, maybe their language not that good so not getting everything they can from teacher and learning support - how do we get that??? Where do we get an education psych? Evaluation? How do I help with homework? How do I support learning in this language??
Now local school is terrible, the worst.

Some kids, do thrive in local but for those who don’t … it can be very tricky.

Maybe try to find a person who can help you and your child get back into local & catch up. DC still young. Can get a bilingual teacher or tutor to help once a week til you catch up?? & help liaise with local school ti help get needed support??

They also tend to have very high turnover of students as families arrive and depart and sporadic attendance among students as taking holiday/visits home during term time is the norm.

I agree with others that you can ask but you need to frame it differently
Ask if its possible to change your DH's renumeration package to include school fees. It may be tax deductable for the company but make sure you also understand the tax position for your DH if this happens.

... but he risks a lot...

(and his rich boss' kids attend local state school).

I think it would be interesting to know how the local school compares with the local school she'd attend if you moved back to the UK - as presumably as your husband is making more money where he is, you'd still be looking at a state school here so wouldn't it be a similar situation? If she's comfortable with either language then you'd have her in a school with large class sizes and many of the same challenges after you move.

I cannot imagine a workplace caring at all about someone's child's schooling as a case for a raise. Seems like that would break all sorts of HR rules to even discuss. If you don't think he is being paid appropriately, that's a question about his salary and depending on how his workplace is structured, asking for a review. Where I work there's no mechanism for that so if you can't afford the life you want on what you are paid, and have skills with demand elsewhere, you can get a better paying job somewhere else. But I work in a large company with very structured and transparent pay rates.

I think you need to put everything on the table that is an option, but it would honestly never occur to me to ask my workplace for this sort of consideration unless I was in an incredibly privileged position - headhunted, expat on a major contract, etc - and as your daughter is so young that's a huge outlay for years to come.

I think you have to choose between staying at your school and figuring out how to support her or moving back - but be careful you don't just create the same issues here.

My dad's employer paid for my school fees. And it was a ridiculously expensive $21k/year. However, it was part of his benefits package. If your husband has applied "as a local" then it is tricky. It is a massive pay rise. Your husband could ask for a meeting with the boss and inquire if the company has a policy regarding school fees and go from there.

This is an important point. If it’s good enough for his kid, why wouldn’t it be for others?

@Justallabitblahreally additionally, is the boss local? He might be more sympathetic if he’s also foreign, but a local + his children in a local school, it might just come across as ludicrous.

This thread probably shows the misuse of the word expat too. You’re immigrants.

I’d also think carefully about this. If the boss did agree, what would happen if he changed his mind down the line, moved on himself or your dh decided this job wasn’t for him. He’d be beholden to the company for however many years your dd has left in education.

If he agreed, the safest way would be an upfront full payment to the school or, at a push, a formal pay rise to cover the costs. It’s a lot to ask but if he is truly valued by this company then it’s worth a punt. If he says no then you’ll need to look at whether returning to the Uk can meet her and your needs (although it sounds nice where you are and it’s a shitshow at home).

Think about what happens if your DH wants to leave his job and can’t because DD is now settled in a private school. He should be asking for a pay rise to the tune of whatever it costs for the education, that way you have options.