To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

[Justallabitblahreally]

Hear me out, feeling a bit desperate, so maybe not thinking straight about it

We live abroad, Dd has been ill for a while and whilst being bright, she’s had to miss a lot of school and I feel it’s too much of a struggle for her now in her local school, even though she is fluent in the local language.
There are various fee paying International schools nearby, which I feel she’d be so much happier at and they would provide much more support.
They don’t cost as much as in the uk, but it’s still out of our price range.
Dh works really hard for a good wage for where we live, but the wages are very low compared to many other countries.
Dh is an essential member of the team and they really need him as can’t find workers of his level in the area, they’ve told him this and are keen to keep him.
The main shareholder in the company he works for is an extremely wealthy, multimillionaire and a thoroughly nice guy. One of his Dd’s has had similar issues to our Dd and he’s offered to get us appointments (him paying) with various specialists in America, luckily Dd is improving and should be ok 🙏
I was reading about how many companies recruit from abroad to bring skilled workers to their workplace. They sometimes provide them with an apartment or with school places at a nearby International school as part of the package. We own our home and his wage, although its considered good for where we are, isn’t comparable to the work he puts in.

I feel like it’s crunch time, Dd needs an English speaking school and style of teaching. If we can’t have her in a school like that, I believe we should return to the uk.

Would it be crazy to propose this idea to the boss, that as part of his working contract it provides schooling for Dd? We would of course explain the reasons why and that we would have to return to the uk

Why are you avoiding answering questions?

Did your DH relocate to take up the role in his current company?
Is he on a relocation package?
How does his salary compare to others doing his role or similar roles in the country you are in?
Are you serious about returning to the UK?
How will the Int school help in comparison to hiring a tutor when she is fluent in the language?

Ask him, you never know.

Good luck.

Do you really think so? Is it cheeky?

You are absolutely right - normally people agree their package before committing to a job - health insurance, boarding school, the wage, etc. etc. the lot basically. If your dh can't fund the school easily from his salary, then it will be a big ask - basically, he is changing the terms of his employment contract to which he agreed.

Agree with this. You need to answer the questions that are relevant to giving you advice. We understand what your wishes are.

Before you ask. Find out the full school fees and figure out the annual cost, then cost over the Number of years. You will need to understand how much you are asking for.

Be aware of the possible tax implications in your country:

1. in some countries, it is tax effective for an employer to pay certain benefits to an expat/overseas hire. But only for a few years because the expat is in country temporarily. It’s attractive for the employer because of tax situation so they are happier to pay the school fees and get the expertise of the overseas hire that is not available locally. Usually 1-3 yrs.
2. in some countries, if you are a local employee (not expat) and your employer pays school fees it becomes a taxable benefit for you. So, fees are paid but you might be required to pay income tax on the school fees. And employer might have to pay tax as well. Increasing costs for you, and employer.
3. or, wherever you are it might not have any tax implications but your employer will be increasing employment costs. There might not be free company money available for school fees.
4. will other employees want this same benefit for their children?

there’s a lot for you to consider before asking

He’s only not sending them to an International school as he’s a native of the country and chooses not to, he wants his children in the school system of the country, which makes sense. He’s also incredibly wealthy, so could if he wanted to.
The ex pat thing is confusing as we are ex pats, but he was employed once we were here

It does come across as bit much to take this man’s generosity and use it as a reason as to why he should pay for your child’s education. You seem to have decided that because he’s a multimillionaire he should be ok with funding people off a sob story. I mean, he wouldn’t be a multimillionaire very long if he put his hand in his pocket for every person who came his way with their hands out, would he?

And what does his personal wealth have to do with anything?

It comes down to the health of the business. Can they afford to provide this extra? You’re entitled to ask and should, but threatening with leaving to the uk for a ‘better education’ is probably going to raise an eyebrow seeing as the whole system is falling apart.

Questions to ask yourself before you bring it up would be:
How much of a pay rise would this be in cash terms?
Does anyone else get this?
Are you romanticising the idea of paid schools?
Where do you actually want to live?
Where does your daughter want to live?
Healthcare - you mentioned she’s been ill. I hope she’s doing ok. If you want good healthcare where is best. England is hit and massive miss depending on county right now. More so than usual, I mean.

I personally think it’s cheeky, but I’m an immigrant. Plenty of children across the world have to adapt to local schools and a new language.

I think it would make more sense to figure out the costs and ask for that as a raise (and sure, explain why). If he pays your fees, surely other employees would expect similar benefits down the line or some sort of accommodation for them as well?

ex pat thing is confusing as we are ex pats, but he was employed once we were here
I think this will be a hard sell then. As expat type packages are to encourage you over

I’m reading through all posts and trying to respond?

He didn’t come on a relocation package, was employed once we were here, but these are obviously issues of living abroad. His boss is British too with one of his Dcs having long term illness also and children in the International school.
It’s not really about having a tutor. The school system, way of teaching, smaller class sizes, extra support within class etc, would be so beneficial for Dd now. If she hadn’t got ill, I think she would have been ok staying at her school, sadly lots has changed and now we have to reconsider everything

You are a “local hire” even tho you are from elsewhere.

An expat, generally, is brought in country on a special contract to keep their pay and life “whole” and not suffer for taking this 1-3 year assignment. An expat often has kept a house in country of origin and is expected to return. An expat has certain things paid for as it would cost the person too much money to get another home, pay for school when it was free in home country …etc. if would be crazy to ask person to sell home, then rent in new country, pay for school, buy a new car for a 2 year assignment - no one would do it.

How does your husband's salary compare to the same role in other companies?

This.

In addition an expat's children would not be expected to learn a new language and attend local schools as they will be moving back to their own country or will relocate to a new country every few years. The good package is because it is a temporary move.

Yes, it sounds like your husband is not an expat. He is, from the employer's perspective, local. (Nationality or origin doesn't come into it.) He was hired for a job they believe they can fill in the local market.

They very likely cannot/would be hesitant then to give him advantages over other local staff on the basis of nationality or, heaven forfend, ethnicity.

Of course, you might be able to argue an exception on the basis that his function has evolved to be an expat function (as in NOT available on the local market... but he was and there will be others) and get the expat school *package. Alternatively, see if he can get a wage increase under the local logic.

Have you considered simply networking with the school and see if they can give you a reduced fee or as hoc bursary or something? That seems just as likely to work as the employer route.

Yes, I think you’re right, this means they likely wouldn’t consider it, would they 😔

He gets paid more, not massively, but it’s more

This is incorrect. It’s absolutely standard practice for companies to pay school fees for expats but not for local hires in the UK and pretty much every other country. There is no law at all stating that you have to offer the same benefits package to all employees and I can’t imagine why you would think there was.

The schools don’t do that unfortunately

Dh has the highest role in the company, so other staff are on lower wages/benefits, would this make any difference?

Why not just ask for higher salary to cover the cost ?

I am not exactly sure why international schools so often are a bit of a clusterfuck, but here are some guesses from personal observations:

• Many people who go into international teaching are getting away from something in their home country, especially the ones that stay out their entire careers. It leads to some fucked up people.
• When expat life goes awry, it can do so very quickly. For both the teachers and the families. This is magnified in these schools.
• Entitled rich families almost by definition.
• All the challenges that TCK's have, in one school.
• Unhappy marriages.
• Schools for profit.

Just of the top of my head. Some are brilliant. Some are... not.

Well, in my personal experience at least two did. (I wasn't in the family with the bursary, but I was friends with the people in both cases.)

Has he ever asked for a raise? Is he a vital part of the management team?
It can't do any harm to ask for a raise and if they believe he is an integral part of the management team, then surely they will consider it?

Out of interest, why do you think your DD will get on better in an Int school where they will primarily speak Eng instead of the local school when she is already fluent in the local language? If you're not happy in the school, could you look at moving house so she gets into a better state school? Or as a PP suggested, try to hire a tutor to help her for a few hours every week? Having one to one tutoring can only benefit her as they can concentrate on the areas she is having the most difficulty with?

I think it’s a weird way of approaching it tbh. Surely he just goes to his boss and ask if there’s any way he can negotiate a raise?

@Justallabitblahreally

How old is your daughter and what kind of problems does she have with her health?

I'm wondering whether there are other suitable options for you.