To ask Dh’s boss to fund private school for our Dd school

[Justallabitblahreally]

Hear me out, feeling a bit desperate, so maybe not thinking straight about it

We live abroad, Dd has been ill for a while and whilst being bright, she’s had to miss a lot of school and I feel it’s too much of a struggle for her now in her local school, even though she is fluent in the local language.
There are various fee paying International schools nearby, which I feel she’d be so much happier at and they would provide much more support.
They don’t cost as much as in the uk, but it’s still out of our price range.
Dh works really hard for a good wage for where we live, but the wages are very low compared to many other countries.
Dh is an essential member of the team and they really need him as can’t find workers of his level in the area, they’ve told him this and are keen to keep him.
The main shareholder in the company he works for is an extremely wealthy, multimillionaire and a thoroughly nice guy. One of his Dd’s has had similar issues to our Dd and he’s offered to get us appointments (him paying) with various specialists in America, luckily Dd is improving and should be ok 🙏
I was reading about how many companies recruit from abroad to bring skilled workers to their workplace. They sometimes provide them with an apartment or with school places at a nearby International school as part of the package. We own our home and his wage, although its considered good for where we are, isn’t comparable to the work he puts in.

I feel like it’s crunch time, Dd needs an English speaking school and style of teaching. If we can’t have her in a school like that, I believe we should return to the uk.

Would it be crazy to propose this idea to the boss, that as part of his working contract it provides schooling for Dd? We would of course explain the reasons why and that we would have to return to the uk

I’m a bit confused as to your husbands employment situation… if he relocated for the job, as in moved to the country you’re now living in, then yes, I suppose it could be argued that it might be fair to ask his employer to cover school fees to give your daughter a comparable education to what she’d be receiving if you hadn’t moved countries.
If, however, you were already living there and your husband took the job, then no, I don’t be his employer should have a responsibility towards your daughter’s school fees.

He wasn't hired on an expat contract.

They were already living and working there, they own a house in that country, their DD has grown up there and is fluent in the language of the country. 5 years ago, the OP's husband got a job at his current place.

I agree with you, in these circumstances, the employer doesn't have any responsibility towards their DD's tuition.

It can't hurt to ask, though of course your DH must be the one to do the asking. And not with any hint of delivering an ultimatum or the employer may well decide to cut his losses and hire someone else.

I attended some international schools that were excellent with absolutely brilliant teachers. I don't recognise the negative description that someone wrote above, that was absolutely not my experience. Of course, some international schools may be dire, so in your shoes I would thoroughly investigate the particular school you're considering.

Your DD may thrive in such a setting. She may thrive in a school in the UK. But there is no guarantee. Education is in something of a crisis in the UK, and many schools are (sadly) appalling. But even more importantly, I fear that you are expecting something that no school can actually deliver. It's entirely understandable that you are concerned for your child since she has been very ill and missed a great deal of school. Have you possibly latched onto the idea of a new school as the answer to everything? That if she can only attend the international school or a school in the UK, all will be well? I could be completely off base here, but I just thought I'd mention this possibility.

Schooling is sometimes part of the ex-pat package but not always, it really depends on how your husband was recruited, and what level he is.
Expecting it retrospectively is a lot, however- you can ask , but don't be surprised if you are turned down.
Also what are you basing your belief your daughter needs the level of support an International school would provide? If she is bright it is most likely that she will catch up without any problems in the school she is in.

I think its a really cheeky ask. However your husband could approach his manager and explain the situation and ask for a payrise which would help with school fees. They may then offer to pay.

It's worth a try. Some companies offer help towards private school fees.

I’d ask, it’s quite a common thing for companies to do. You’ve nothing to lose by asking!

You need to be very careful if you do it this way, unless you really mean that you will return to the U.K. as much as they want your DH, no one is indispensable and they may start the process of finding someone else to replace him. How does DH feel about it? Are you in a country where tax laws and employment law is more lax than the U.K., if so some points a previous poster made won’t apply to you.

I think it's both fair to expect that a smaller, more intimate school would be a better setting for OP's daughter, and also that an "international" school might not be.

I have some personal experience with international schools. My experience wasn't "toxic" but it's a very distinct way of life and the kinds of people who grow up in them have a particular outlook on the world which is different from mainstream society. They get very used to people coming and going, and not having a strong sense of their own culture. Some people experience it positively and others negatively. OP's daughter already has had a lot of disruption in her life.

Expat packages have changed over the years. Gone are the days when you got schooling / housing / home leave trips etc ... unless you work for a major conglomerate or are in a hardship location. Most companies now push to put expats on local packages, especially if you are in a 'developed' country.
Rather than ask for him to cover schooling costs, I would suggest requesting a pay rise and explain the reason why if questioned. At least that way any bonuses and future salary increases are tied to pay, as they won't apply to an allowance like schooling.

surely you would of thought about your daughter and her schooling before you moved.no you shouldn’t be asking for anyone to pay for your daughter.

Yes definitely I would ask, they can only say no.

i would probably approach some schools first to obtain costs and enquire about scholarships and bursaries and apply for those as it lots of these schools provide means tested bursaries then you would know what you are short by and could ask him if he’d consider covering the remainder

Then I would suggest that your husband needs to ask for a payrise. By all means set out the motivation for it. As someone pointed out, it may be something that the company can do tax effectively, or if he's under market value a pay rise will take care of it.

He can negotiate his salary without holding a gun to his employers head. It sounds as though you already have a good relationship with him, so it's not that difficult to have a quiet conversation to say " we are concerned about daughter's progress in school due to her illness. School X is unaffordable on my current salary and @Justallabitblahreally would earn significantly more back in the UK. We're considering whether we need to move back to the UK so she can have more support"

Or

I've informally benchmarked my salary with some of the international recruitment agencies who bring people in from overseas to do my role. I understand that market rates are circa X which is Y above my current salary. In addition there are other benefits like healthcare, private schooling, flights home etc. I'd like to discuss my current package with you as a long standing employee to reevaluate my salary. I'd like to do quite quickly as the situation with daughter has brought home to us that we need to make some changes to give her the educational support she needs which isn't available here without private schooling.

I agree with the previous poster that ‘all in’ ex pat packages are rarely offered now. Your DH needs to ask for a pay rise. Some bosses will agree to pay for school fees or medical bills but they will expect total loyalty and alot of extra work. A friend of ours paid for her PAs kid’s boarding school in the UK so mum was always available for her. (She was earning millions though) and my big boss has paid medical fees for staff family members. We absolutely don’t offer school fees for voluntary moves of location though. Not in this economy.

One of the bosses is British and all children in the International school, the other one is native to the country so his children are in a local
school as he doesn’t want them
in an International school learning in English, which makes complete sense.

What disruptions has she had?

I don’t see what relevance where the bosses kids go to school is. It’s up to him what he spends his money on, so to say if it’s good enough for his kids, why not others, is totally irrelevant. Just because he sends his kids to a private school doesn’t mean he’ll pay for everyone’s.

She wasn’t born!

I never said that? I was responding to a post above
I was just sharing details about which children go where

Just meant her illness and stopping/starting school.

If it were me I'd be pursuing this option strongly fwiw. The advantages of smaller classes and home-language tuition are very strong.

It's just something to keep in mind. It is one further step down the path of a strange and unusual identity compared to "just" being the foreign kid in the local classroom.

Sorry I was also replying to the post above yours!

I lived abroad for many years. Some schools were great for my kids and some weren’t. I learned that there are no hard and fast rules. If you aren’t happy and the company wants you to stay then there is always a solution. People who have never left the uk really have no idea of how it works. Definitely see if you can negotiate a package where the company pays for the school. It is in their interest.

It’s not irrelevant in terms of sympathy. They’ll be asking to move their kid to a private school even though their child is fluent, so it makes sense to direct the question to the boss that would be more sympathetic.

I don’t really understand the need for the international school though, unless they plan to move around. There’s private day schools that are more affordable and just as good, if not better at times. Their DD grew up there so she’s fluent, she doesn’t need to be taught in English.

Where are you based?
in the UK that isn’t true. School fees are a remuneration offered to many senior positions. Taxes may apply, but is often cheaper than paying the school fees.

There aren’t though.