To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

[Turmericcall]

I didn't think I'd ever want to. I was financially independent with adult DC, a happy single life and very active social life. I couldn't see any benefits to having a man in my life and only risks in marrying one!

Then I met a man who has changed everything. I'll spare you the soppy bits, but he makes me very happy and we spend a lot of time together, at home and travelling.

He's never been married. I know we can't marry, to protect my DC and to prevent things getting complicated for them and he understands that, but I'm sad that we can't.

We cannot even live together without things getting complicated. A friend's mother has recently died leaving her "new" partner of 17 years in the house. She left a will protecting her DC, but giving him the right to stay in the house while he needs it. So the DC are now faced with an indefinitely delayed inheritance and the "agro" of having him living in "their" house. OTOH she'd lived with him for 17 years, presumably she wanted him taken care of, which people here don't seem to understand when they talk about parents' estates.

Anyway, we'll carry on as we are, but it does sometimes seem a shame.

You can marry. You just would rather not.

Um.. You can marry? You're choosing not to, and seemingly blaming your kids existence for that?

Pre-nups and wills exist, use them.

What on earth are you talking about? Of course you can marry. Worried about inheritances etc? Make a watertight will and then get married.

I cannot see anything in what you have written that should prevent your from marrying him or living with him.
If you want to protect your adult children’s inheritance then write a will and ensure that it is honoured in the event of marriage (get a solicitor to check it). Be honest with your partner and children about your wishes.

You can marry, you just don’t want the legal consequences (which is fine, I wouldn’t either). You absolutely can live together without having to leave your partner a life interest in your house, your friend’s mother made that choice.

As this is something that clearly matters to you, speaking to a solicitor would be a good investment.

Your will doesn't have to look like your friend's will.

I'm not sure I understand, are you saying you won't get married to protect your (adult?) children's inheritance?

How do you know you all your property equity won't be used paying for care fees when you're older?

Does your new partner not have any assets of his own with which to keep a roof over his head?

A good solicitor will advise you on Will making but marriage invalidates a Will so has to be written after the wedding.
If you really don’t want a legal marriage you can have a Commitment Ceremony wherever you choose. Friend had hers in a woodland, it was lovely.

Why can’t you live together?

"new" partner of 17 years

FFS - it's not that unusual to leave a long term partner a lifetime interest in the home.
I can imagine the comments if it was a female partner who was left homeless on the death of a long-term partner.

No one is stopping you marrying. Have you taken legal advice on how best to protect your children's inheritance in the event of marriage? Of course you can live together. You don't have to give him the right to live there for life and postpone your children's inheritance. Doesn't your partner have any assets of his own, such as somewhere he could live if you predeceased him, assuming he's your age?

Make a watertight will and then get married

Don't do this, marriage supersedes a will - do it the other way around and then you're fine.

Exactly, I agree but it does also affect the children

No, get married and THEN make a watertight will. Marriage invalidates any existing wills.

Edited because I wrote incorrect information

I'm a bit confused - there are legally ways to protect your children's inheritance, have you spoken to a solicitor yourself?

Agree. There would be MN outrage.

Keep your own properties and rent one out. State in your will that if hes in yours he has to move out within 6 weeks to his own property.

There are many ways to keep life simple but that you could marry.
A decent will is top priority.
Not living in the family home (or moving the new partner into your home) is usually the biggest problem because who wants their children to be lumbered as landlords for an indeterminate period of time? You could sell any property and jointly rent for example.

There are solutions if you want to do it.

Wrong way round! The marriage will invalidate the will, you need to do the will afterwards.

A marriage will give rights in any event. So I probably wouldn't marry in OP's position. But I would live together - just ensure he has a fallback home elsewhere that he can rent out for now

There is such a thing as making a Will in anticipation of marriage.

A 'normal' Will be trumped by Marriage. The latter will not.

You can get married 👰‍♀️

I don't think your friends situation is particularly complex

Her mother's partner has lived there fir 17 years and her mother wanted them to remain protected in their home once she died.

It doesn't affect the children unless they are selfish or money grabbing. No one is entitled to an inheritance. Their mother could have lived for many more years "delaying" their inheritance, or sold her house to go traveling or needed care.

You can get married, and you can protect your assets if you want. Or you can do as your doing now, but its a choice you make and no option has been taken away from you

Why don’t you just discreetly book an appointment with a local solicitor who specialises in wills / family law and explain your case. They should be able to give you sound advice. You obviously don’t have to take their advice.

Sorry, the correct term is 'contemplation' of marriage.

Do a quick google, and find a solicitor who specialises in these.

Of course you can marry. You are choosing not to. Plus being rather dramatic with it 🙄