To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

[Turmericcall]

I didn't think I'd ever want to. I was financially independent with adult DC, a happy single life and very active social life. I couldn't see any benefits to having a man in my life and only risks in marrying one!

Then I met a man who has changed everything. I'll spare you the soppy bits, but he makes me very happy and we spend a lot of time together, at home and travelling.

He's never been married. I know we can't marry, to protect my DC and to prevent things getting complicated for them and he understands that, but I'm sad that we can't.

We cannot even live together without things getting complicated. A friend's mother has recently died leaving her "new" partner of 17 years in the house. She left a will protecting her DC, but giving him the right to stay in the house while he needs it. So the DC are now faced with an indefinitely delayed inheritance and the "agro" of having him living in "their" house. OTOH she'd lived with him for 17 years, presumably she wanted him taken care of, which people here don't seem to understand when they talk about parents' estates.

Anyway, we'll carry on as we are, but it does sometimes seem a shame.

The problem arises if one spouse has no assets.

I have no idea of the finances of my aunt but she sold her house when she remarried in her early 50s.

I assume it was paid for -with a 25 year mortgage as was the norm then.

What she did with the equity is unclear. As I said, that was their choice. Neither were stupid people. They each had adult children. They clearly foresaw the issue and were together for 30 years before he died.

One option of course is to retain the property and rent it out, or sell and invest the money wisely.

It's harder if one spouse has nothing BUT children do not have a right to inheritance. Some parents might leave their assets to a donkey sanctuary and bugger their children!

Don't put your whole.life on hold to protect a hypothetical inheritance. You might need care and it go on care home costs or inheritance tax rules may change. I'd be so sad if my mother didn't live.her life to the fullest to give me some cash when she died.

I think this is the perfect scenario for buying two semi-detached properties and temporarily and perhaps illicitly cutting in a door.

my grandparents just lived across the street from one another. Honestly, I think they both liked their space anyway.

What a load of nonsense. Of course you can.

And how would you feel if you died and your husband remarried and left everything you'd paid for to his next wife instead of your children?

Of course you can marry, OP! Once you have, just make a will that shares your assets according to your wishes. You're making this way more complicated than it needs to be.

There are many examples of things going wrong and many other examples of everything being just fine. And a lot of the problems can be avoided by seeking legal advise ahead of time.

You could do that and you could live with your guy or marry your guy while still safeguarding your grown child's inheritance and etc. Best wishes.

A watertight will won't matter if she gets married - the spouse will inherit. Marriage trumps everything else, even if she put the house into a trust her husband could potentially make a claim against it and win.

I wouldn't feel anything as I'd be dead!

But knowing my H I know he wouldn't do that.

This is not just a death issue it's one faced by older divorced couples who remarry all the time.

You can absolutely marry your partner or live with them.

Maybe this is because one of my parents died when I was very young and the other has absolutely nothing to leave me, but I struggle to understand the upset/reticence when it comes to a longterm partner having a lifetime interest in the house.

If someone has chosen to be with someone and lived with them, then surely they wouldn't want them to be potentially homeless? Especially if they've been together years and years and paid towards the house (even if not in terms of mortgage, but money toward other bills and general upkeep).

I can’t see why you can’t marry or live together. Your friends will is the same situation with my mum and her partner. I will happily let him live in her house as long as he is able to because he was her DH and they lived together. Seems odd her DC are upset about that.

Has your solicitor told you it's best not to get married? With assets and adult children I'd think twice too, but I would imagine a good solictor should be able to help you find a way for everyone to get what they want.

Love’s young dream.

Who on earth told you that?

It's really interesting how different the remarks are here, in comparison to those when an adult child is worried about how their widowed parent is risking an inheritance ending up with new partner or their children.

I don't really understand the point of your post tbh OP. If you've made your mind up that dont want to get married for whatever reason that's your choice but I don't see why you have come on here to tell everyone about it.

You have to make a new Will when you marry, otherwise you are deemed to have died intestate.

It's hardly a big deal is it re write a will?

So this is coming from your children?

Have you even discussed remarriage with your children?

It would appear that even if you've done that you've not done the most obvious things - take legal advice!!!!

The sooner people realise marriage is a legal contract, as exciting as a tax return, and disentangle the idea of it being a declaration of love and validation of being chosen, the better.

Why not just have a wedding without the contract? A nice blessing and a party without the merging of assets.

In what way?

Advice that it's your, the parent's, money and that the parent is the one with agency to decide seems pretty common through both.

Talk to a solicitor.

This is rather naive. Most people don't think their spouse will do that. A lot of the time the surviving spouse doesn't even intend to do it, they just haven't thought through the consequences of their decision properly.

And sometimes it's worse than the children from the original marriage having to wait 20+ years until their step-parent dies before they can inherit anything from their parents. Sometimes the surviving parent leaves everything to their new spouse in their will, trusting them to do the right thing in their own will, and surprise surprise, the new spouse leaves everything to their own children, meaning that the entire estate of the original married couple goes to completely unrelated stepchildren who never even met the first parent to die, and their own children get nothing. There have been tons of threads on here by posters in exactly that situation.

This is why everyone should have a will, and their will should anticipate what happens to their money if their surviving spouse remarries. The younger you are the more likely it is that you don't even have a will because you know that everything will go to your spouse under the intestacy rules, and the more likely it is that if you die young your surviving spouse will go on to remarry.

That is nonsense @Azureshores

But the person in that situation has no control, can't insist their parent makes a will to make their wishes clear. You're in a very different position