To be a little bit sad I can't ever marry

[Turmericcall]

I didn't think I'd ever want to. I was financially independent with adult DC, a happy single life and very active social life. I couldn't see any benefits to having a man in my life and only risks in marrying one!

Then I met a man who has changed everything. I'll spare you the soppy bits, but he makes me very happy and we spend a lot of time together, at home and travelling.

He's never been married. I know we can't marry, to protect my DC and to prevent things getting complicated for them and he understands that, but I'm sad that we can't.

We cannot even live together without things getting complicated. A friend's mother has recently died leaving her "new" partner of 17 years in the house. She left a will protecting her DC, but giving him the right to stay in the house while he needs it. So the DC are now faced with an indefinitely delayed inheritance and the "agro" of having him living in "their" house. OTOH she'd lived with him for 17 years, presumably she wanted him taken care of, which people here don't seem to understand when they talk about parents' estates.

Anyway, we'll carry on as we are, but it does sometimes seem a shame.

If anything happened to DH or between us that meant we were no longer together, I would never bring another man into DDs life and everything DH and I have worked for would be hers.

But not marrying again, not living with another man, that would be a choice I made. It is a won't not a can't and that's the same for OP. She won't marry or live with this man and she's complaining it's sad that she can't.

She can. She's choosing not to. And it's a perfectly fine choice, the same one I would make. She shouldn't therefore be acting all woe is me like it's being forced on her.

I completely understand OP, this is one reason why I don't ever want to marry (even though I'd love to).

Literally every penny you spend ‘reduces DCs inheritance’. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spend it. It’s your life to live now, not theirs to control because of what happens when you’re gone. I really think you are being massively unreasonable not to have the relationship you want, for the sake of possible future complications for them. You can work out what’s fair for them and for DP, get it in writing, and still move in together. I honestly think you are being ridiculous. Ask your children if they would genuinely want you not to have this relationship for the sake of their inheritance. Which, frankly, might end up all being spent on care homes anyway.

Life is for living.

A PP pointed out that there are disadvantages to not marrying, and they're not negligible. Google it - "unmarried couples generally have fewer legal rights and protections compared to married couples, particularly in matters of property, inheritance, and healthcare decisions."

Yes, but if you're the one with the assets...

If you want to choose your assets over the relationship you want because you CBA to do paperwork, then that's entirely on you.

Or, see a financial adviser and a solicitor, take their advice, do the paperwork and do what makes you happy.

Lock the assets in a trust, sign them over to DC now or sell everything and sail into the sunset. You’ve been given a million examples of how and why you’re being ridiculous. If you want to marry, do it. If you want to protect your children’s “Inheritance” first, go right ahead. There are plenty ways to do it.

Have you actually looked into the option to do a will "in contemplation of marriage"?

This is crazy. You’ve been told over and over, you CAN protect your assets.
You are choosing not to marry and then asking for sympathy.
Yes, YABU to feel sad about this, because it’s not true. If you choose not to marry, it’s on you, and you are choosing to be sad. Fill your boots.