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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

447 replies

robinsongs · 24/03/2025 03:50

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

OP posts:
whysomanyleafblowers · 24/03/2025 03:59

What about a bike? I’d take him if raining.
Does he help with the other children with breakfast etc. When he gets home does he help with the children? Do you work or not?

I don’t work just look after the children I drive my husband to work on an evening he gets an uber home

StubbornStool · 24/03/2025 04:00

He’s weird

tell him to fuck off

Original poster
robinsongs · 24/03/2025 04:03

He has considered getting a bike but doesn’t because he thinks he can just persuade me to take him. He does get up earlier to help with the breakfast so I can feed baby but it’s the same time as he’d get up if walking. I don’t work at the moment as youngest is only 5 months.

OP posts:
Whycanineverthinkofone · 24/03/2025 04:04

Do you work? Will you be going back after mat leave?

20 min walk isn’t much but I can understand if it’s cold and wet. Bike?

does he help with the kids in the morning? If he wants a lift he absolutely needs to help you get the kids sorted.

what will he do in the school holidays when kids don’t have to be at school? Does he still expect everyone to get up and cater to him?

if you go back to work what then?

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 24/03/2025 04:10

Fuck that. Can he drive himself, bus, bike? It’s hardly far.

Natsku · 24/03/2025 04:10

There is no way in hell I'd be driving an able bodied person when its just a 20 minute walk, as my DD well knows from the times she's asked me for a lift to school when its raining or cold (exception being if its very very cold, like -20 or colder, though I walk in that and generally encourage them not to be pathetic)

Tell him he needs to walk or get a bike and you may make exceptions for bad weather but it will be your decision whether the weather is bad enough.

Original poster
robinsongs · 24/03/2025 04:12

I did used to take him before I had the baby as I was taking the children to breakfast club about that time until I started maternity but always made it clear once baby arrived I wasn’t at work I wouldn’t be dragging us all out at that time and he reluctantly accepted but over the months has pushed and pushed to get me to.
last week I caved and picked him up a couple of times making it clear I wasn’t going to be doing it all the time but he goes on and on about it. “Are you sure you don’t want to take me to work” until he grinds me down and I haven’t agreed in fact the opposite I’ve said no and it means nothing, as far as he’s concerned he’s getting a lift and told the children no matter how much I assert my no it falls on deaf ears.

OP posts:
Original poster
robinsongs · 24/03/2025 04:21

In the winter I absolutely refused and he seemed more understanding as the car would be frozen and I had a newborn then so he did make his own way. He’s just worming his way back into getting a lift again and I’m more upset at his disregard for any boundaries.

OP posts:
Rowgtfc72 · 24/03/2025 04:29

Dh has two days off this week.i have a half hour bike ride to work. Even if it was chucking it down I wouldn't expect a lift. I'm a grown up and responsible for myself!

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/03/2025 04:30

No this is pretty outrageous. It will be taking you a lot longer than 20 mins to sort out the chaos of taking and picking him up every day. He can walk himself there and back or get a taxi/uber.

Original poster
robinsongs · 24/03/2025 04:32

Whycanineverthinkofone · 24/03/2025 04:04

Do you work? Will you be going back after mat leave?

20 min walk isn’t much but I can understand if it’s cold and wet. Bike?

does he help with the kids in the morning? If he wants a lift he absolutely needs to help you get the kids sorted.

what will he do in the school holidays when kids don’t have to be at school? Does he still expect everyone to get up and cater to him?

if you go back to work what then?

He does help with their breakfast but will spend half an hour on the toilet so he isn’t available to help much. In the holidays he’d still expect everyone up to take to take him.

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 24/03/2025 04:34

I think you’re being unreasonable 😬
I don’t think it’s much to scoop the kids up in their Jimmy’s, bung them in the car, run DH to work and carry on once he’s dropped off. But it would be a fixed time each day to establish the routine with the DC. Regarding home time, I’d fix him a 30 min pick up window if he wants a lift, outside of that he’s walking. If he has a laptop he can finish up work when he’s home, or take shorter lunch breaks, or walk.
That said, as someone active I’d happily walk 20mins providing it wasn’t raining and was fairly flat. If not I’d want a lift for the up hill section.

justasmalltownmum · 24/03/2025 04:37

I would just keep repeating no.

Original poster
robinsongs · 24/03/2025 04:38

I think also I am still doing night feeds and so I don’t relish having to get up half an hour early when I’m tired which is selfish but I need all the sleep I can get. I know I’m supposed to be sleeping now but I did a night feed at 3 and can’t get back to sleep.

OP posts:
Pudmyboy · 24/03/2025 04:39

JustMyView13 · 24/03/2025 04:34

I think you’re being unreasonable 😬
I don’t think it’s much to scoop the kids up in their Jimmy’s, bung them in the car, run DH to work and carry on once he’s dropped off. But it would be a fixed time each day to establish the routine with the DC. Regarding home time, I’d fix him a 30 min pick up window if he wants a lift, outside of that he’s walking. If he has a laptop he can finish up work when he’s home, or take shorter lunch breaks, or walk.
That said, as someone active I’d happily walk 20mins providing it wasn’t raining and was fairly flat. If not I’d want a lift for the up hill section.

Yes because kids always get out of bed, go to the toilet and then sit quietly ready to calmly sit in the back of the car where they will sit still, in silence, till they are back home. They won't be grouchy whiny needing Mr Ted complaining about being hungry needing the toilet squabbling because they are tired from being made to get up earlier than usual....

Natsku · 24/03/2025 04:39

robinsongs · 24/03/2025 04:38

I think also I am still doing night feeds and so I don’t relish having to get up half an hour early when I’m tired which is selfish but I need all the sleep I can get. I know I’m supposed to be sleeping now but I did a night feed at 3 and can’t get back to sleep.

That's not selfish, sleep is necessary, a lift to work is not. You are sleep deprived and need all the sleep you can get.

Tbrh · 24/03/2025 04:40

WTF? I can't believe this, how would he normally get himself there? Ugh.

whatisforteamum · 24/03/2025 04:40

Ridiculous of him to expect a lift in the morning with all you need to get done.
I can do a 3 mile walk each day and will admit when it's raining it's grim.I nearer 60 though.
Why not suggest a Fri lift or occasional pick up.
Or point out the health benefits of exercise.

whatisforteamum · 24/03/2025 04:41

15 miles a week to work I mean.**

Pudmyboy · 24/03/2025 04:42

robinsongs · 24/03/2025 04:38

I think also I am still doing night feeds and so I don’t relish having to get up half an hour early when I’m tired which is selfish but I need all the sleep I can get. I know I’m supposed to be sleeping now but I did a night feed at 3 and can’t get back to sleep.

Why on earth do you consider your need for sleep selfish? Aside for it being a basic human need, you need your sleep to be able to look after 3 children!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 24/03/2025 04:45

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/03/2025 04:30

No this is pretty outrageous. It will be taking you a lot longer than 20 mins to sort out the chaos of taking and picking him up every day. He can walk himself there and back or get a taxi/uber.

This....

It's appalling he's happy to mess up, what? 4 people's sleep /getting ready time as he's too lazy to walk 20 mins...

Stuff that...

I'd only be taking him if it was literally such appalling weather that you coudlbt stand up in the wind... Which would be once or so a year.

He's also showing your kids that boundaries, specifically your boundaries, don't mean anything... And you get what you want by grinding down the person.

An appalling example.. Please don't let him continue.

AliBaliBee1234 · 24/03/2025 04:46

Is there a reason why he doesn't want to walk? I live close-ish to work but it's not the safest route that i'd want to be doing before a shift. Is he already on his feet all day?

Pudmyboy · 24/03/2025 04:46

How about: if he wants a lift, he gets the kids up, gives them breakfast, gets them washed and dressed and ready to go out, you can get your much-needed sleep, come down with the baby and in your onesie or similar, so all you have to do is get in the car and drive him to work and come home

TryForSpring · 24/03/2025 04:47

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.

He's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? This isn't going to be the only thing he overrides you on.

beetr00 · 24/03/2025 04:47

JustMyView13 · 24/03/2025 04:34

I think you’re being unreasonable 😬
I don’t think it’s much to scoop the kids up in their Jimmy’s, bung them in the car, run DH to work and carry on once he’s dropped off. But it would be a fixed time each day to establish the routine with the DC. Regarding home time, I’d fix him a 30 min pick up window if he wants a lift, outside of that he’s walking. If he has a laptop he can finish up work when he’s home, or take shorter lunch breaks, or walk.
That said, as someone active I’d happily walk 20mins providing it wasn’t raining and was fairly flat. If not I’d want a lift for the up hill section.

Oh no, please! @JustMyView13

It's not just scooping up 3 children in their pj's, having their breakfast, dressing them and getting them into their car seats, just so their Dad doesn't have a 20 min walk to work?

So, in the words of John McEnroe...

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