Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

[robinsongs]

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

I can see both sides on this one. If cold or wet then I would be giving a lift. I would also suggest he gets a bike and cycles (much quicker).
I think he needs a better plan if he doesn't want to walk, do you have two cars or will it cause a problem if he did take the car and manage to find somewhere to park?
I also think that because it's a man people are saying he should walk, but if it was the other way round people would say you are a team, he should pick you up.

I remember when. dd was newborn, I had to take DH (now ex!) to and from work as he couldn't drive. It was fair enough as the location meant it was impossible to walk but he worked split shifts and expected me to pick him up for the 3 hours he was off in the afternoons then back again.
He couldn't understand why it was a problem as I was off work anyway, that really took the piss!
Currently though I walk 20 minutes to work uphill, yeah it's hard sometimes but you get used to it.
Don't forget it won't be doing the car any good all these small journeys with the engine barely getting warm, tell him it might well cost more in petrol/maintenance and that might persuade him.

He sounds deeply unpleasant and I wish you rid of him. Sorry to hear this.

tell him it might well cost more in petrol/maintenance and that might persuade him

Absolutely not, OP should not have to justify why she doesn’t want to give him a lift. He should be a grown up and accept it as a no.

He can’t drive, doesn’t own a car and can use his legs. And bonus he’s out of OP hair longer.

I'm really irritated for you OP especially regarding his attitude of continuing to keep pushing after you've said no. 20 minutes walk is nothing and its ridiculous hes expecting you all to rearrange your day to drop him off and pick him up.

I do quite like the idea of pp who said you could offer to do it if he sorted absolutely everything for the oldest two. Otherwise stick to your guns and remind him you've said no, and you won't be discussing it again.

Is he like this in other areas of life?

Your husband is a selfish bully, but you probably already know this.

No fucking way should you chauffeur him around.

YANBU. My husband works four days a week's Nd used to offer to give me a lift to work on the day he had off with our toddler - we'd all travel down together, get a coffee and a pastry bear my office and then they'd head off on their day. Then my toddler started swimming lessons at 10am that morning and husband said he would stop driving down because it made the mornings a bit rushed. Not a problem, I said, I'll start getting the bus in.

Sorry just tell him to fuck off, you have an enough on your plate. He wants a lift he can learn to drive and buy his own car. He sounds like a completely selfish twat

Why all the bike suggestions? It's an incredibly manageable walking distance. My 3 year old walks with their brother for longer than that for school AND back again! And we could easily drive it but do it for the fresh air and exercise. OP's husband is being embarrassingly lazy unless he has a medical condition.

Yanbu and your DH is one of the misogynistic arseholes that thinks maternity leave = free holiday doing nothing. You stand your ground. You have enough to deal with without pandering to his desire for an easy life. A lifestyle with a 20min walk twice a day is much healthier than one in which such exercise is avoided, and he should be grownup enough to make his own travel arrangements.

Are you likely to start driving him again once maternity leave is over and you are back to work?

If it was literally a case of he hops in the car while you're taking the others to school anyway then it's not changing your routine or adding another demand. So i would say that's ok. But if you're having to get up earlier and take the kids with you then no, he can walk. Or get a bus. Or cycle.

Absolutely no way I would be picking up. 20 minute walk is really not that far at all.

I agree with the posters saying that a 20 minute walk sounds perfect! Just a nice length. What a lazy man he is. YANBU OP - hold your ground.

Omg this thread is Mekong me angry for you OP. I actually can’t believe the staggering selfish of someone who would put 4 people out, three of them children and one a sleep deprived mum, to save himself a total of 20 minutes a day - that is 20 minutes walk less ten minutes drive x 2. Unbelievable. I feel awful for you that he’s putting this pressure on. The disrespect of boundaries would make me furious too.

What’s your definition of necessary though? Becuase arguably any further and they need a second car. It would be far worse to be driving an hour round, than 20 mins round.

I'm having trouble getting my head round a grown man, (no disabilities?) getting stroppy because he has to walk a whole 20 minutes to work, unless he has to cross a swamp or a minefield en route. Our DC has been walking for longer than that to get to school since they were four.
Perhaps it's a culture thing. We're in a big city, and we walk or use public transport for most journeys, despite having two cars, it's just what people do here. Tell him to buy a pair of comfy trainers and grow up, he's got no business making three other people alter their morning routine for this nonsense, and its a terrible example to set the children that a 20 minute walk is "too much".

Of course he’s being unreasonable to expect this every day. Maybe on the odd occasion if there is bad weather I would give him a lift. How far is it? A 10 minute drive is not the same as a 20 minute walk?

20 minutes walk is nothing, I do that walk to work and back. My DCs do that walk every day to school. People are making out like it’s miles!
I put some headphones in, listen to some music and actually I enjoy the walk home as it’s relaxing after a day at work. Plus it’s healthier.

DH cycles to work and has never expected me to give him a lift and vice versa. Occasionally he has given me a lift if he is WFH but I don’t expect it.

I think getting a baby and 2 kids in the car in the morning is a big hassle getting everyone up out and dressed. Unless the weather was very bad I don’t see why he can’t walk.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.

I think his refusal to take no for an answer is a bigger problem than the lift giving.

I don't think there are two valid sides to this argument, he's just being selfish Him needing to leave a few minutes earlier to walk or cycle it's not the same as inconveniencing 4 other people. It would not matter if you were a SAHM and not planning to return to work, getting three kids into the car twice a day so that he doesn't have to walk is a massive PITA and no reasonable person would ask.

Unless he plans to put a gun to your head I have no idea how he proposes to make you drive him. Stand firm and remind him you told him you would not be driving him.

The weather makes no difference, how does he think people without someone they can bully into chauffeuring them manage. He can dress for the weather and get some exercise. I say this as someone who did spend a couple of years cycling to the train station, before 6 in the morning, whatever the weather. I survived.

I wouldn’t want to add chaos to chaos just so a grown man can’t walk 20 mins.

it would be a no from me during normal weather. Yes I would do it on rainy days

Please

PLEASE

PLEASE

Don't take him into work today.

Your DH is a selfish dick. If he gets the necessary clothing for all weather conditions he will be fine. The undermining behaviour is a worry. What happens if the children are ill?

He’s a selfish twat. A 20 minute walk will do him good.

He is riding roughshod over your feelings and opinions, and boundaries. This is a much bigger problem than the lifts. He is forcing and quite frankly bullying. I would tell him to back off, and stop pestering like a toddler and keep saying no and mean it.

The fact he uses your dc is not healthy, it’s toxic behaviour. I wouldn’t be happy with this at all. This all needs nipping in the bud, don’t hold back. He really does need to know it isn’t acceptable.

He can walk - it really isn’t far.
I would buy him an umbrella and would not engage with the subject again. He needs to learn to respect you op.

The disruption isn't worth the effort.

Don't take him. Refuse. A 20 minute walk is nothing.

You need to just stop taking him. You’re enabling this shitty unreasonable behaviour by ‘caving’. You need to have a word with yourself and point blank refuse to do anymore lifts. What kind of man is happy to inconvenience his whole family just to make ‘his’ life slightly easier. Not exactly a hero amoung men is he!!