Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

[robinsongs]

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

Round here, it could be this; but just as easily a 10-minute drive at commuting time could get you about half a mile, if that. But i can believe a 10-minute drive could be a mile. Lots of places with 20mph zones, traffic lights, queues at junctions etc.

Strapping one child in car seat takes about 3 mins, times 3 plus coats on/off etc probably take at least 10mins to get ready to go.

I think DH would be better off walking, it's good exercise, child free tine and no worries about traffic or parking Ir getting a screaming household into the car.

Buy him a decent raincoat, headphones and a rucsac, he'll be fine.

YANBU.

Sleep is important and how very inconvenient!

It’s not going to change unless you are firm every single day.

No is a full sentence. Just keep saying “No”.

Your thread just popped up on fb, Bored Panda !

If it's torrential rain, it's kind of you to offer to take him or offer to collect him. He needs to invest in a bike or a pair of walking trainers. I like to leave twenty minutes to walk to the station but my friend can't understand why I don't get a cab.

Unless he walks incredibly fast, it's probably around a mile. I'd expect a kid to walk that back from school! He expects a lift just to save ten minutes?! You wouldn't do that for a kid at Secondary and I think he needs to realise he's a grown man.

It sounds more of a control issue than the matter of a lift to work. You've said you won't and he says you shall. I'd be very wary of a man so keen to bend my neck. He's taking advantage of your tiredness and vulnerability, which suggests his ego is more important to him than either your wellbeing or your attempt to set boundaries. If you knuckle under to this, you're lost. Bike, bus, Uber or walk.

tell him he’s not your kid, he’s an adult and sort his own very short walk out. Have you said he’s being very inconsiderate to you? Ask him if he cares that he’s being inconsiderate?

I can't believe some are saying you are unreasonable and should compromise 🤷‍♀️. You have a new baby, your looking after 3 children, you're up in the night doing feeds and then expected to take and pick up the selfish lazy man child because he can't walk for 20 minutes and also expects you to wait around till he finishes work at an unknown time. Do you also have to prepare the evening meal for you all? Sorry OP but you need to stand up to him and tell him no

I woukd do it while on Maternity Leave. You might need it reciprocated at some point. I definitely would not do it when I was back at work as it would be too hectic.

Unbelievable! A 20 minute walk is nothing, what a pathetic specimen! I used to drive to the train station, commute 45 mins THEN walk 20 minutes the other end, in all weathers. He needs a good waterproof backpack and a brolly.

Kept me fit without having to think about it. When I stopped to have kids and never went far since, I have found it much harder to keep active. Stick to your guns and tell him to get a grip!

Your husband Is lazy, make him walk. Not fair on you or the kids disrupting your day. That's not far at all. I walk 20mins to work and back 5 days a week, rain or shine.

Obviously, get a bike. But if he spends more than the timed run to his work on said bike, be prepared for assorted MNers to chime in that cycling is always indicative of an affair.

I would just say no and not do it.
He cannot physically force you into the car to drive him.

It's not selfish. He's ridiculous

Tell him to get stuffed. He’s being lazy and entitled and stick to it. I walk 20 minutes to work and back again daily because it’s a waste of time taking the car given the traffic and morning mayhem on the roads. Saving money on fuel and I’m getting exercise. Don’t be a push over, he’s being unreasonable. If you do relent and fetch him home, make him get his own tea!

20 minutes walk and this bully can’t bother doing that? It’s nothing. Just don’t take him. How horrible he is to bully you this way.

That’s what a normal person would do.

It’s seems ludicrous to ask- what does he say if you challenge him? As in “dh, I have said no. You are being rude , presumptuous and disrespectful to continue to push this. I have made myself clear- it’s time you stop attempting to bully and coerce me through persistence and emotional blackmail. It’s not ok and particularly abhorrent when you are dragging the children into your bullying tactics. Stop it”

If that’s not a conversation you can have there are other underlying issues of communication and lack of respect within the relationship.

That’s that then.
did the OP reappear?

So in the afternoons, he texts you, you spend ten minutes getting the baby ready for the car, drive ten minutes, pick him up, and drive ten minutes back? FFS he would be home faster if he walked, the lazy fucker

your dh sounds like a very self-entitled #@## - he obviously either doesn't understand or care about the difficult and tiring logistics involved in getting 3 children up/dressed and ferried to school, and is being very selfish making this demand on you. Absolutely do not give in to this, because it will set a precedent for him, thinking he is 'Lord and Master' and can rule the roost. He needs to grow up a bit, so you need to stand firm. Btw I would love a job which involves just a 20 minute walk there - nice time to blow away the cobwebs and maybe listen to music, nice start to the day, he sounds quite lazy.

For everyone saying just to drive him if bloody bad weather, surely that is definitely not the time to be putting 3 young children in any car at any time of the day unless absolutely necessary. Can be so dangerous.

Sorry to say, I agree with most that this is such a controlling behaviour. I had the same kind of marriage, which luckily I did leave. I'm not saying to do the same but I do wish I'd stuck up for myself more than just give in to avoid any argument. Good luck with putting your foot down xx

But it's not hectic getting three kids into and back out of a car twice a day, for no good reason, for a 10-minute journey?
Aye right.

A 10 minutes drive is not a 5-6 mile walk.... I walk 20 minutes and do 1-2 miles.

@robinsongs just no mama!!
He is being completely unreasonable.
It's twenty bloody minutes. Honestly I can't believe his laziness and I understand how he grinds you down but you are not a mother to a man child as well as children children. Stop saying yes darling. Stick to your guns or he'll be able to take the piss on other things.

When he asks you over again, "are you sure you don't want to take me?" You just say "I can't take you. It's only twenty minutes, you'll be fine."
If he comes back with something else, carry on. "No I've told you already that I can't."
Talk to him like a child if he behaves like one which is the feel I get here.
"Why can't you just accept that I've said no?" "No means no!"
"You have legs, you can be there in 15 if you speed walk."

Personally I'd make a comment on how I didn't realise I was gaining a man child as well as a newborn.

Please stick to what you need to do for you and sleep when baby sleeps x