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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

447 replies

robinsongs · 24/03/2025 03:50

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

OP posts:
moveoveralice · 24/03/2025 06:06

Good grief what a lazy man child he is. Unless it's is absolutely pissing down he can bloody well walk.

He could reframe his attitude and entitlement and use this time to get his steps in, listen to a podcast or some music. It is a mere 20 minutes, so he could see it as an opportunity to up his fitness levels rather than impose this on his wife and young kids.

Blondebrownorred · 24/03/2025 06:07

How lazy he is! 20 minutes must be about a mile. No way would i be giving him a lift.

Nosleepforthismum · 24/03/2025 06:09

Lazy fucker. My kids walk 20 minutes to and from their preschool every day. They are 3 and 1.

Theres no way I’d be making mornings and evenings with three kids more difficult than it needs to be. He can run or cycle. Buy an umbrella if it rains.

Cheesetoastiees · 24/03/2025 06:10

Just refuse completely. Say you’re not because it’s very selfish to inconvenience four people because he’s too lazy to walk especially saying as your still doing night feeds. Just become deaf to him and don’t get the kids ready for him (sounds way enough if he’s on the toilet for 30 minutes).
Maybe once a week if it’s convenient (however sounds like he’ll winge if he gets a one to get another lift) or if the weather is horrendous.

You might have a row about it and he might be late but hopefully he’ll recognise how selfish he’s being and that’ll put a stop to it.

45redballoons · 24/03/2025 06:11

I'm stunned so many people think he is reasonable not wanting to walk it. Unless there is a health condition or it is unsafe to walk then he should absolutely be walking no question.

I WFH and it's a 20 minute walk to nursery, I felt very guilty taking the car during the winter because I couldn't deal with the 45 minute walk back on toddler time in the rain and cold. Now it's brighter we always walk.

RebeccaRebekah · 24/03/2025 06:12

This is terrible maths. If he walks, it's 40 minutes of his day. If you drive him, it's 40 minutes of your day plus 20 minutes of his day plus 40 minutes of your three children's day. A 20 minute time saving for him for a 160 minutes of inconvenience for the rest of you. He can't make that up to you by getting out of bed 10 minutes earlier!

Smellslikeburnttoat · 24/03/2025 06:12

He can’t walk TWENTY MINUTES? Is he very fat? I’d worry about the health of a person refusing a daily walk.

He’s being monstrous

Doingmybest12 · 24/03/2025 06:12

Can his getting to work time be shifted so it fits in with the school run, or suggest the children still go to breakfast club some days , or he can take responsibility for getting the older two ready and in the car while you sort baby and drive. He can't have it all ways. Definitely a fixed time to come home or walk because it's just disrespectful to expect someone to wait and drop everything. Did you talk about this before baby no 3 came along?

MaySea · 24/03/2025 06:14

“Are you sure you don’t want to take me to work” Of course I'm bloody sure!

It sounds like the lazy prick could do with the exercise, have you considered hiring a childminder to walk him?

LoudSnoringDog · 24/03/2025 06:15

What a lazy selfish twat. He should walk!!! And where on earth is he working that he can’t park a car???

moose62 · 24/03/2025 06:19

He is unreasonable but you are obviously giving in when he is whining....so if he gets his way once he knows you will give in. Don't! Get up later so you can't take him.

Smokeyblueblack · 24/03/2025 06:19

I find the " he isn't one for taking no for an answer " really disturbing.

If this extends to the whole of your relationship as well as the selfish insistence on you providing him with an unnecessary taxi service OP I would worry about being married to a man like that.

Climbinghigher · 24/03/2025 06:19

Do a deal. He gets the school aged kids ready & in the car while you look after the baby. Then you’ll drive him.

There’s no way I’d be driving him a 20 minute walk with three kids at the two busiest times of the day unless it was hammering down or he had huge amounts to carry.

My husband is next to me. I explained the scenario & he raised an eyebrow & said ‘how’s that discussion going?’

It’s concerning he won’t accept your refusal. What will he do when you just refuse?

banivani · 24/03/2025 06:19

If a 20 minute walk is the equivalent of 10 minutes in the car then it’s just not economical in the broad sense of the word to drive. Clearly you’re just clogging up roads and I’m annoyed both on your behalf and on the behalf of traffic. I mean generally say you walk at 6 km/h so that means you’d be driving at 12 km/h? That’s practically parking lot speed. What’s the point? Nope, bike!

I agree with all the others that it’s not fair on you and the kids.

ThereWillBeGold · 24/03/2025 06:19

He is being awful and selfish. He can't walk 20 minutes. If he walked quickly it would only be about 15 minutes!
If he says again you are to drive him, say he can get up every weekend with the kids while you get a lie in. Put your foot down.

finallydecorating · 24/03/2025 06:22

I think you need to stand your ground in the morning.

Stay calm but say "this isn't just about the lift now, this is also about you just not listening to me. I said clearly no lift yesterday. I meant it. No lift. You need to walk."

I'd take him when it's raining but not otherwise.

Toddlerteaplease · 24/03/2025 06:24

I’d make him walk. 20 minutes is nothing. And it’s good for him.

HopingForTheBest25 · 24/03/2025 06:25

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got! He isn't taking you seriously because you say one thing but end up giving in. It's a 20 minute walk - that's nothing in terms of a commute to work.
Even if it's raining, umbrellas exist - you shouldn't be dragging out 3 kids who should be having a relaxed breakfast and an easy start to the day.
Your 'd' h sounds like he's bullying you a bit. Maybe you should start taking 20 minutes in the bathroom of a morning and not have time to ferry him to work!

tatattataa · 24/03/2025 06:26

IMO it takes more than 20 minutes of prep to get a 6 month old out the house, in the car, making sure you have everything to load and unload to the car - therefore it’s more time efficient for him to walk.
if this was me I’d tell him to stop being so lazy.

backoncrack · 24/03/2025 06:31

I’d sit him down and say you are sick of him pressuring/bullying you to take him to work. It’s not fair on you or any of the kids and you won’t be doing it (you could offer for extreme weather) . Tell him you are not discussing it further and if he can’t accept the benefits of walking he needs to find another solution.

Nettleteaser101 · 24/03/2025 06:31

I wonder where these selfish men come from. So many on here. Do these women have such bad choices in men or are they like this before they move in together.
Just say no and don't budge. You have as much rights as he does. Sit in the toilet in the morning and let him get on with it. Do exactly as he does he might be going to work but you are working looking after the children which isn't a 9 to 5 job. Then you will be going to work after maternity leave so you have to sort your bounderys out now.

Strikeback · 24/03/2025 06:31

20 minutes? Jesus. My daughter walks further than this to get to school. He is lazy.

Reallybadidea · 24/03/2025 06:32

@robinsongs do you think he'd do the same for you, if roles were reversed? I suspect you wouldn't ask though.

Please remember that you're on maternity leave, not annual leave. You're looking after a baby and 2 other children. That isn't not working, it's work in a different way. Maybe harder than being at work (it was for me!)

CousinBob · 24/03/2025 06:32

Pudmyboy · 24/03/2025 04:46

How about: if he wants a lift, he gets the kids up, gives them breakfast, gets them washed and dressed and ready to go out, you can get your much-needed sleep, come down with the baby and in your onesie or similar, so all you have to do is get in the car and drive him to work and come home

I agree with this

Zanatdy · 24/03/2025 06:34

God i’d love to live close enough to walk. It is really 20 mins walk if it’s 10 mins drive? Either way his behaviour is not on. Won’t take no for an answer? Who does he think he is. Let him wake the kids up earlier and get them ready (sure he doesn’t do this anyway), i’d just sit there and remind him I said no. He sounds vile. Sorry.