Not to take husband to work everyday and pick him up

[robinsongs]

I have a 5 month old and two young children in early primary school years and mornings are pretty hectic as it is. Dh works a 10 minute drive away 20 minute walk and expects me to drive him there in the morning as I’m on maternity and pick him up when he finishes but he doesn’t have a finish time so he just texts when he’s finished, which is usually when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner or something and expects me to drop everything.
I put my foot down and said no as it’s disrupting 4 people in the morning as it’s 10 minutes each way and that’s 20 minutes cut off my morning and I have a baby to feed and then to get the others to school.

He isn’t one for taking no for an answer and has pushed and pushed and basically insisted telling the children they will be getting up earlier from now on to take daddy and I feel defeated as I have firmly said no and he’s just not accepting it because he’s decided I will.
AIBU or should I take him to work as I’m home all day and he’s working hard or should he respect my no and not push and push. He’s now asleep thinking he’s getting a lift in and picked up and I am awake feeling quite bitter that no matter how many times I made it clear I wouldn’t be taking him, it seems he’s just decided he’s getting his way and I am.
He can’t drive himself to work as there’s no parking nearby.

You're not selfish at all! He's being ridiculous over a 20 minute walk! You have to stop giving in to him. Stick to no and ignore him. He's not being very confederate is he? He wants you to drive for 40 minutes a day with a baby, when he could only walk for the same amount. He does not respect or value your time.

If he walked 20 minutes or so he'd probably find it would help with his digestion and that would speed up his lengthy toilet trips. Perfect.

Yanbu. He can walk there in 20 mins but expects you to take him when you have a baby and two young children to see to? No way, he’s being totally unreasonable and selfish. Put your foot down, once he sees you consistently saying no he is more likely to give up asking.

He is selfish and unreasonable. Stop being a doormat. Possibly a better idea to sit him down and tell him you aren’t doing it during a quiet time, not when he’s expecting a lift imminently. I don’t think it’s reasonable to get 3 kids including a 5 month old ready to give him a lift when it’s only a 20 minute walk.

This is nonsensical. He is being extremely unreasonable - assuming of course that he has two legs that work.

For the sake of the petrol money, the environment and his waistline, he should be walking. He is not a dependant child and you are not his mother.

Is there a reason why you can’t combine the school run and his drop off? If he can start at 9, then that’s what I’d do.
If he can’t finish at a set time for a lift home then he’d have to walk it.

I would actually love a 20 min ealk
to work. It’s the perfect amount of time. It’s also good for your brain and obviously body to get the exercise and fresh air.

Can’t believe how selfish he is.

I wouldn’t do the morning you have enough to do. If your cooking in the evening he has to walk but if your free I would collect him. You need a conversation about boundaries. Can he drive? Is there days he could take the car as a compromise?

@robinsongs You say you're not working at the moment but you're wrong! You ARE working. You have a baby to look after all day and you're still doing night feeds. That's a full time job and it's knackering, on top of everything else you do at home.

Don't give in to your selfish husband - just refuse to get in the car! He can't drag you to it so he's relying on wearing you down until you cave in. Stand your ground! 💐

No is a complete sentence.

carry on with your morning routine with the children.

Stick to you guns that you won’t be taking him. It’s not like he can physically put you and the kids in the car and drive the car.

I would have lost my shit by now. Tell him that you have already told him many times the answer is NO, that you are fed up of him not listening to you and that you never want to hear another word about it again. He sounds insufferable. As for the hiding in the toilet while you get the kids ready, what a lazy, useless twat.

A 20 minute walk is nothing! I can't believe he is asking you to get three small kids in a car so he can avoid what is essentially a short stroll. I walk that much just to get some fresh air most days.

Whats his reasoning for wanting to avoid the walk? Is he too tired? If so he needs to go to bed earlier. Does he feel too rushed in a morning? Needs to organise himself the night before. Does he feel like he doesn't have the energy? Needs to eat a proper breakfast / take snacks with him. Get him a nice insulated travel mug so he can have a brew on his walk and listen to a podcast or something. He needs to find a way to make that walk a nice part of his day rather than shifting his problem onto you.

20 mins walk is nothing! I get the train to work but my walk to and from the station at either end is more than that and I barely notice it. Walking is good for you! My husband sometimes used to drive me to/ from the station before we had kids but it never occurred to me to expect it once we did.

come on, it’s not hard is it. Just don’t do it. When he’s expectantly looking at you to leave, you say “I’m not taking you, I’ve told you multiple times.” And carry on with your day without this pathetic manchild hanging around

Sorry but he can't physically force you to drive him and if he did then that's abusive. Id take him today and give him a clear warning from now on you are not taking him. He needs to get up in time to walk to work. Do not cave and do not take him if he is running late. He will soon get his arse in gear. Maybe if the weather is atrocious I'd take him but absolutely not would I be waking up earlier to suit him when I've done night feeds.

A 20 minute walk is nothing!! He should 1000% be walking.
Please stick to what you've said, it's ridiculous to load children into car seats just to save him 10 minutes!!!
I used to drop and pick up my DH too but now we have a toddler it's just not practical and he is fine with that and gets the bus.

He can’t walk 20 minutes to work? He sounds pathetic! That’s nothing unless he has health issues. I enjoy a similar walk to the station to start the day.
Is he selfish in other ways. I appreciate you can take him but mornings are always hectic for families. Does he not see that?

That daily walk is great for his health. Stick to your guns op. Offer to do it in bad weather but otherwise, no.

No, he is being a dick. Disrupting everyone, alleged palaver of kids on car, coming back, then having to be hanging every night.

He shouldn't be dragging the kids in to the discussion. For that alone he can walk.

Spring is here, he can walk. Do you think he will put himself out for you and his kids every day? Of course not Would you insist on this every day? No. Because its selfish and disruptive.

He can walk, or cycle. I wouldn't think much of a bloke who got dropped off everyday by a woman,, 5 month old baby, kids in pj's then they had to pick him up again.

This sounds hugely disruptive to your morning, and so difficult with 2 young children and a baby. The morning is so rushed, you do not have time to take 20 mins out to ferry him around. And expecting everyone to get up earlier is ridiculous. And to text when you're in the middle of making dinner expecting a lift?! No way would I be doing this, but there's no way my DH would even ask if it was a simple 20 min walk...he would just walk. Your DH needs to get a bike if he doesn't want to walk. Stand firm OP!

It also isn’t much for a grown man to walk 20 minutes to work or buy himself a bike and be there in 10. If he didn’t go to the toilet for half an hour every morning he would have plenty of time!

No way would I being do this for a grown man! Jesus it’s a 20 min walk, how pathetic of him!

stay firm! He is selfish!

He can't walk 20 mins?

Is it about the distance or is it about control? Not taking no for an answer would suggest the latter.

Yes, this is as far as I would go. Tell him this - and if it doesn’t happen, no lift. He can’t force you to put your shoes on. You are giving in.

You need to get tougher with his efforts to grind you down, like you would a pestering child in the supermarket. Mine would be told, you can’t seriously be expecting a lift this morning after the night I’ve had? Don’t be ridiculous. You can walk. And ignore his calls later if it’s not convenient, or text back, no can do, I’m feeding.

And if he tries to weaponise the DC, respond clearly - silly Daddy! He thinks his legs have fallen off and he can’t walk!!

Time to practise some assertiveness.