That we still need dinner

[Littlebittiredoflife]

DH is saying we don't need dinner tonight as we've already had three meals. Our "meals" were 2 or 3 American pancakes for breakfast with fruit and a drizzle of syrup, smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel with crisps, cucumber and tomato for lunch and a scone with jam and cream. Admittedly lunch was around 2:30pm and scone around 5:30pm.

I know it's not the healthiest day and we could do with a bit more veg for sure but aibu to think that we do all need an evening meal still? DH is often saying do we actually need dinner if we end up eating lunch late. I'm not the best judge of food as I overeat but I'm sure DC will still need feeding this evening

This is one of those bizarre times when people quote you but appear to be responding to someone else who made an entirely different argument utterly unrelated to one's own.

Nowhere, nowhere did I say a bagel with cream cheese and salmon was unhealthy, so I have no idea why you have drafted a detailed post haranguing me for saying this.

I said it was not a snack. Because it is not. It is a meal. Its quite a decent lunch. Not a snack.

FWIW, I don't consider any foods healthy or unhealthy. In fact I consider thinking about foods in these terms to be an unhealthy mindset. Entire diets are healthy or unhealthy, not individual foods. A diet where one considered three pancakes to be a snack would be an unhealthy diet. A diet where one considered a bagel with cream cheese and salmon to be a snack would be unhealthy. As one would would be seriously overeating. And thereby would become obese.

Ignoring the snide comment at the end…

“I can see why we have such an obesity problem” does conflate eating bagels with being obese.

There has also been an assortment of “a bagel and scone?! You better have a salad” etc etc.

No I didn't, see my response above.

My post and its point is simple and clear.

I have no idea what issues you have of your own that are causing you to so badly misinterpret it.

That’s a matter of opinion, really.

I wouldn’t, for example, have it at lunch - because I don’t like salmon. But I also wouldn’t refer to it as a decent lunch, or as someone did earlier in the thread a “large” lunch.

We all have different appetites of course, and different attitudes toward food, but if OP was still hungry (or in fact just wanted to eat) after her bagel and scone, I don’t think there’s any judgement attached to that.

Its really not a matter of opinion that if you are eating high fat and high calorie food for snacks that you will become obese ( unless you are an artic explorer or similar) . That's a matter of thermodynamics, not opinion.

And I wasn't responding to OP. I was responding to those posters who were describing three pancakes with syrup and fruit as a snack, or bagel with cream cheese and salmon and salad as a snack.

I don’t have any issues of my own.

My point is that in this thread, and one a matter of days ago, there’s been lots of (relatively judgmental) talk about when and what people should eat.

The end of the subject on whether OP should eat again is was she hungry and did she want to. Beyond that, it’s not (in my view) up to other people what someone else eats.

The reason I responded to you on that, is because you really did say that there’s no wonder we have an obesity problem when someone considers a bagel a snack. IMO that passes unnecessary judgement on other people’s eating habits and preferences.

The top and bottom of it tbh, is that I find fat shaming and food judgement tedious and unnecessary.

Yes, it is no wonder that we have an obesity problem when a bagel with cream cheese and salmon and salad is considered a snack ( I notice you have to distort what I said by just refering to a ' bagel' to try to make your point sound reasonable, rather indicates you know its not really). And when three pancakes with syrup and fruit is considered a ' snack.' (notice you are leaving that out too).

Its also not a surprise that we have an obesity problem when helping people to see what normal volumes of food to eat are like, is labelled as 'fat shaming'. Labelling and dismissing being the tactic of choice of those who do not have facts and reason on their side.

There have been posts on here when overweight women have realised how much they are overeating when they go away with women who are healthy weights and realise how much less these women eat. I've had friends in RL come to the same realisation.

It is very easy for people to lose sight of what normal portions and meals look like. Its helpful for people to come to the realisation of what normal balanced eating and portions are like. Its daft to hide reality from people and its sure not kind.

@IlooklikeNigella

sure they’d be ok every so often to eat without their parents! Better than that, than having to force something down that you’re not hungry for just for the sake of it

A Bagel with cream cheese, salmon and salad is NOT a snack! It really isn’t. It’s a meal.

Genuinely couldn’t be friends with someone who tried to tell me what to eat, to be honest 😂

I’ve got no issue with people making healthier choices for themselves, and making decisions about their own food volume and how it helps them avoid obesity.

What I never understand is why they can’t do it quietly and desperately want to educate people, who often - don’t particularly want to listen.

I don't think anyone had said the pancakes or the bagel are a snack, have they? People have said the bagel is a normal and not massive lunch, but not a snack. The only thing a lot of people have called a snack is the scone, because it is a snack and not a meal. To boost it's 'not a snack' status a few people have referred to it as a crema tea but the OP never called it that, just a scone with jam and cream.

@SleeplessInWherever

i don’t think that poster is trying to tell you what to eat though. She is merely pointing out that a bagel with cream cheese salmon and salad isn’t a snack, because it isn’t. Not sure why this seems to be getting some people’s backs up!

You appear to be badly missing the point of Mumsnet - its a site for people to NOT be quiet, but to express their opinions, and to respond to opinions that others raise on the thread. That's literally the entire point of Mumsnet.

And OP chose to start a thread asking people their thoughts about volumes of food eaten in a day.

Its remarkable that you are now claiming your umbrage is with people expressing their opinions about volumes of food eaten. On a thread asking about opinions on volumes of food.

Given the context, your argument is bonkers.

She actually asked whether to cook an evening meal, not the nutritional value of a scone (which was shared by someone else earlier).

In one of her responses, she mentioned they had eaten but she wasn’t happy to share what, I wonder why that was.

That may not have been your intention, but I don’t think in her OP she asked for a telling off, which many have taken the opportunity to give.

This is mad.

Firstly, i am not responsible for anything anyone else has said, so you can leave that out of your responses to me.

OP wrote about what they had eaten in the day and what people thought about eating another full meal. That is overtly a post about volumes of food.

You are clearly of the opinion that no-one should be answered honestly, no matter how directly they are asking a question, but instead one should always assume other humans are inherently fragile and one should always answer, even if one is lying, to make them feel good about themselves and that they are already enough and are perfectly fine exactly as they are.

I hold a different view that if someone has asked a question they deserve to be answered honestly. I believe humans are inherently capable and are able to cope with discomfort in order to develop and grow. ( And on a point of accuracy here, I was not even answering OP but other posters).

Avoiding causing initial discomfort hurts people in the long run.

The extreme view you have that people should not be answered honestly, even with simple facts, on the assumption that facts and honesty may hurt their feelings, even though they have initiated the conversation, I think is a terrible way to think about and treat other people.

That would all be fair enough if it was the view I held.

I actually think that whether OP made and ate dinner, depended not on what she’d already had but on if she was hungry, or wanted to eat again.

I don’t put any other value or judgement on it, if you want/need food - eat it, if you don’t, don’t.

That’s what I said in my own initial response to her - if she wants to eat she should, her husband didn’t have to.

I think genuinely that judging others on what they choose to do with their own bodies, at either end of the “food scale”, is wrong.

Guess what. If you look at all my responses you will see that I also told OP that if she is hungry she should eat.

As I have said, berating people for talking about their views on eating food on a thread started to ask for opinions about eating food, is beyond unreasonable of you. I think you know this.

You have flailed around all over the place in your responses to me, accusing me of things I have not said, throwing other posters comments at me and switching and baiting as you are unable to defend your positions as I have responded to them, but instead throwing yet another accusation out, with your back against the wall final argument being ;' yeah well, so what if the thread was started to ask people about their views on eating, its so mean of you all to have given your views on eating!'

From start to finish you have been utterly unreasonable. I'll leave you to it.

Not sure what this has descended into. Happy to consider all the responses and was clearly expecting some people to need another meal and others not to as there is already a discrepancy between mine and my DHs opinion. I can't feel if my children are hungry and at least one of them will eat whatever food is on offer even if they don't like it much. The other won't eat if they don't feel hungry, even if they like the food and will not eat food they don't like even if they are hungry.

I myself struggle to know when I am actually hungry and can always eat more. I am trying to work on this and my weight so wanted to get some opinions from others- especially as DH often says we won't need dinner later after a late lunch.

Today we've had porridge and a salad for lunch so hopefully that balances out yesterdays carbs (including the evening ones) 😅

I can see that you did in your first response, yes.

However, the point I initially replied to was that you can see how people are obese if they don’t consider a bagel with cream cheese a substantial meal (paraphrased).

For some people, it isn’t. Certainly not meal “enough” to not want to eat again after. You’re clearly not one of them and that’s alright, but it was judgmental - linking the bagel snack debate to obesity at all just comes off all pearl clutching and reprimanding.

It was judgmental mainly because having a bagel with those toppings, is hardly like having a 14inch pizza for lunch. And because “I can see why people are obese” assigns some sort of value to whether they are or not.

This did come up again when you spoke of overweight women seeing healthier women’s food choices and learning from them. Like really fat people just need showing the light, and don’t just like cake 😂

It may not have been your intention, I don’t know, but the healthy/thin do have a habit of lecturing those who don’t follow their diet/healthy life style.

Depends on your ages, sizes, how sedentary you are and the portions sizes, which would give the calorie count. As a 55 year old women who is 5' 4", under 9 stone and only 'moderately' active at best, if that little lot added up to 1600 calories or more, I wouldn't need tea as I'd have eaten my requirements already. I'd be surprised if it was enough for an average man though, so unless your H is tiny, elderly and sedentary I'd have thought he should be eating more than that. Is he well? Does he often complain of poor appetite?