Toddler dad picking up and touching other people's kids at playgroups

[Babycatsarenice]

I've come across a Dad in the local park who once weirdly sort of patted my daughter's back when she was crawling past in the playground. Recently at at toddler group I saw the same Dad picking up someone else's kid and putting her on a chair and also messing about withanother kids hat. Strikes me as wierd I never really touch other people's toddlers unless to stop them falling over or falling on another kid. I think he shouldn't do this. AIBU?

I honestly think you’re the weird one.

He PLAYED WITH A HAT.

Definitely a nonce. Call 101. Now.

DH has always been a toddler magnet...for no apparent reason they always gravitate towards him and climb on him - and he loves it and enjoys making them laugh. You'd almost certainly find him 'weird' as you do this other poor fellow who your implying is a nonce

Some people happen to like playing with small kids?

Would you feel the same way if he was a woman?

@ImoutahereWhy should she? Women are a completely different risk profile to children. You’d be completely ignoring the data to think men and women pose a remotely similar risk to children.

I think he's a brave man because he will get reactions like this, but I wish it was different and men (anyone actually) were allowed to interact with children in public.

This may be true but what risk does a man interacting with a child who's under close supervision from it's parent, at a toddler group, present?

Unless it's to help a child struggling physically I don't want any random unknown adults touching my children, even if it's patting their back or fiddling with their hat, keep your hands to yourselves fgs.

I personally wouldn’t see a problem with it- I know you never know but with kids I’d do the same too, none of those things seem particularly dodgy

It’s a natural social interaction from another parent in a public setting. Maybe not one you’d choose, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong.

DH once had to leap to save a random small child from falling about 4 feet off something wobbly she had climbed on, the parents didn't even say thank you and just looked at him like he had 3 heads before hurrying the child away.

I think if this dad is helping the kids it's fine. Patting their back possibly a little unusual, I would probably not do this myself to someone else's child.

I’m sure most people here would be ok with some random playing with your children 🙄

of course it’s weird, unless he’s playing with friends’ children. And the touching would seriously annoy me, it doesn’t have to imply anything dark, just don’t randomly touch people (specially children!)

OP, have a word with yourself please. You are looking for something sinister where it doesn’t exist.

This will be another reason today's young people are so anxious. Growing up they werent allowed any interactions with anyone outside their immediate circle

A few weeks ago at a toddler group a little one fell over and hit his head. It was a nasty bump and I tried to get his Mum’s attention (apparently she had seen but was having a conversation…). He put his arms out for me and I picked him up and took him to his Mum (who laughed at him). She hasn’t spoken to me since. I’d imagine she didn’t like that I touched him and I’m a woman but I felt so sad for him and was worried.

He’s not violating them in any way. Sounds like you’re making things weird that aren’t.

Actually with sexual and physical abuse of small children it's actually about 50/50. And women pose as much risk as men.
However media reporting is not as equal.

Just look at how many kids get sexually assaulted in nurseries where it's predominantly female career.

I'm personally aware of a family that the son was sexually abused by his female neighbour.

Cases of teachers having affairs with their students is almost always a female teacher!

Lots of cases don't get reported until the children are adults because we indoctrinate our children about the bad man and tell them don't let men touch you in your no no square , rather than don't let anyone touch you in your no no square!

This

So because he’s a man interacting with children, in a perfectly harmless way, you think that’s weird?

It’s actually not “50/50” or anything even close, despite what you say.

I think you're reaction is very weird, but clearly not uncommon unfortunately.

A little girl fell off from a step quite high up on a raised platform a couple of weeks ago.
3 parents stood there watching - asking her if she was ok - but none dare to actually touch her until I picked her up and helped her down the equipment.
The mum was grateful once I found her at least, but I found the attitude of the people around so weird.

maybe this poor chap is ignored by the mums at the toddler group so interacts with the children to make himself feel in some way part of the group and less of an outsider?
not everyone is a predator and it’s always the ones you least expect.

Do you know if he knows the parents of the other two toddlers?

When my kids were younger I had to be very active and participate in games etc at playgrounds and such because my oldest is ASD (for him to understand social rules and to protect other kids). So I was the "playmum" and I had kids all over coming up for hugs etc. I actually had to gently decline hugs or be discreet about it because my son got jealous but I'm sure I would have been treated like a paedophile if I'd been a male.

My dad was the fun dad. All kids loved him. They must have felt his maturity level was close to theirs 😆. He wasn't touchy feely creepy but would maybe pat a back as the dad you're talking about. There is nothing weird or sexual about patting a back!!! I think you need therapy.

This crap is exactly why so many men won't follow their dreams and work in nurseries or schools, having a penis doesn't mean someone is a wrongun.