Toddler dad picking up and touching other people's kids at playgroups

[Babycatsarenice]

I've come across a Dad in the local park who once weirdly sort of patted my daughter's back when she was crawling past in the playground. Recently at at toddler group I saw the same Dad picking up someone else's kid and putting her on a chair and also messing about withanother kids hat. Strikes me as wierd I never really touch other people's toddlers unless to stop them falling over or falling on another kid. I think he shouldn't do this. AIBU?

I do wonder about this. People can be so hyper vigilant that are children growing up seeing all strangers as a threat? And it’s a shame, social interactions in day to day life are getting less (online shopping/self service/ online banking etc) that is it any wonder some young adults seem entirely unprepared for working life where you have to interact and work with strangers/people outside your social group and comfort zone.

And going back to the thread- aren’t most child abusers known to the child and family. Not some random father giving your kid a leg up on the climbing frame.

When I lived in the middle east it was totally normal for someone to pat your kid on the head, or given them a cheek wiggle. It was actually a really nice environment for kids because people weren’t weird about being nice to children. I’m asian and people tend to be a bit more relaxed about this kind of thing, it’s just part of being in a community really. DD got chucked around by her sports coaches all the time, her best friend had an attachment to the admin guy at one class and used to run to him for cuddles when she was upset, this guy was in no way inappropriate or strange (his own kid was in the same class) he was a proper lovely dad, it would have been sad to think anyone thought he was a weirdo.

Yes indeed.my MIL is Indian and once I took her to visit my daughter's nursery. She absolutely loves little children and was going round patting them on the head and stroking their cheeks. Perfectly natural for her and the toddlers reacted very positively. Children like physical affection. Imagine a child at nursery eight hours a day, five days a week, who is never touched. I wanted my children to be cuddled and treated affectionately whilst at nursery. I wasn't there to cuddle them but I wanted someone to. It's very comforting for them.

Why are you trying to ridicule and close down women who have concerns about men acting unusually around children?

OK message received! Tbf it was more of a stroking of my kids back AND I never said I thought it was sinister, that is highly unlikely, I just thought it was odd and didn't love it.

Not every woman who has a “concern” about something has to be treated like a delicate snowflake

Now that people are disagreeing with you, patting has become stroking.

1 in 20 children will be sexually abused in Britain (NSPCC: conservative estimation).
Everyone needs to be hypervigilant and speak out about any unusual behaviour. It's the only way to curb the infiltration of paeodphiles in public settings.

Never be shamed into not protecting children by people that seek to protect paedophiles.
There are plenty of protectors everywhere, especially on mumsnet I've noticed: seeking to ridicule and close down women who are trying to protect children.

Protecting children is far more important than protecting a man's right to touch children for no good reason in public settings.

OP. talk to the nursery.

Telling them to 'fuck off' is ok in your world?

Ok.

They'll be happy they closed down your concern.

Report to the nursery anyway OP. You've got nothing to lose. You may just protect a child.

Not reporting achieves nothing.

He PATTED A CHILD ON THE BACK?!?!

How have you not called the police already?!?!

It’s very worrying that this is the reaction to someone raising a currently mild concern about the behaviour of a man who is not observing normal boundaries around children.

She’s not making accusations but has seen behaviour that is not quite right. I imagine her plan would be not to say anything but just keep a close eye which I think is entirely correct.

Grooming of children and parents to gradually accept unacceptable behaviour is a thing. I’m not suggesting this guy is grooming but he could be. We owe it to kids to do everything we can to protect them.

Maybe because some woman treat any man who enjoys innocently playing with children as a paedophile, and consider any woman who doesn’t share their view to be guilty of child neglect.

Poor little boy, I'm glad you were there! Why was his mum laughing at him? Very odd reaction to him hurting himself.

How freaking sad!!

Where on earth did you get these statistics? Can you refer me to the relevant source

This is normal interaction with kids in a public place. He’s not enticing them into the bushes alone in the park or taking them off to change their nappies FFS.

Regarding stats....

We know that the vast majority of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) is committed by the male sex. The annual Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) published Office for National Statistics (ONS) in 2019 revealed 96% of adults asked about their experiences of child sexual abuse said it involved a male perpetrator. It is unusual for a lone perpetrator to be female.
https://fairplayforwomen.com/sexdatawrong/

My husband is from Madeira (Portuguese) and adults interact with strangers kids constantly- it’s cultural, my kids really like it and it’s only ever when a parent is right there.

If he's touching them to help them (ie sounds like he's adjusting a hat, helping onto a chair etc) I see no problem. Would you feel this way if it was a woman?

Oh please fuck off with your lies.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0145213417303320

1-3% of csa convictions being women. Estimates that around 11% of perpetrators could could be women. Even the most extreme estimates suggested are 15-20%. 20% falls far short of 50%.

Your misogyny is gross.

Edited to add:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0190740920309646
This study found 4% of perpetrators of cas of children under 8 to be female.

Oh God I always touch peoples kids! I didn’t think it was an issue at all.

I think especially when you have a little one yourself, it’s just second nature to touch other kids.

What are you worried about?

What part of his behaviour is “not observing normal boundaries around children” or “not quite right”?

Nothing he’s doing seems inappropriate or not normal.

Most parents would not think twice about touching someone else’s kid, especially when it’s helping them to do something.

I wish all men were safer around children. And yes I wish they would interact safely with children. Sadly the fear (and sometimes overeation) around men and children is based on experience. Personal or otherwise. And you don't want to send the msg to a child that all men are safe and can touch and pick them.

Having said that, @Babycatsarenice the greatest risk to children is familiar men; family, friends, partners, religious leaders that families trust etc. But You do you.

50/50?
No.
No it isn't.