(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

[focuseddreamer]

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

Arses specifically?

I can't speak for all women, but I don't think I've ever lusted after a man's bottom in my life. They really aren't that attractive. Plus I've read far too many stories about men who can't wipe properly and leave skid marks in their pants and on bedsheets. A shitty arse is not a sexy arse.

I like intelligence, kindness, humour. If we are talking physical then a cheeky smile does it for me.

I think with women the face/eyes/height/hair/general physique is more noticed with attractiveness rather than a just specific body area.

lol. How does he think he knows what all women think.
I do look at men sometimes and think wow they are good looking etc. (but it’s rare - normally all ugly )

Yes, I happily eye men up in a purely physical sense.

No, I do not believe the sexes are half as fundamentally different as made out.

I can look at a good-looking man, and appreciate him physically. Not bothered if he’s “funny or intelligent” …as I wouldn’t be planning a relationship with him.

What’s his problem? Why is it so important for him to make this point? So he objectifies women constantly, does he? And he claims to know - better than you, an actual woman - what women think?

What an idiot.

When I have been put on a Friday or Saturday night I would say it can work both ways

Women assess how much of a threat a man is before assessing any physical appeallingness.

Also, he's telling you, a woman, that you don't know how women think and that he, a man, knows better than a woman how women think? Fucking nerve of him!

I agree with this. But I also don't care how funny he might be if I don't find him attractive.

The older I get the more I’m looking at men with “male eyes” so yeah I’m looking at all the physical stuff. It correlates with my sex drive getting stronger. I’ve had it all my life so what’s good for the goose etc
But I never have before! I’ve heard other women talking like that though. I’ve known men who aren’t like that. I think it’s dependant on the individual.. but it is usually a male thing I think.

Iv had the same argument with dh,iv seen him having a sly look,he said all men and women look,i said,i dont,i respect you,as a pp said i look for danger more than anything.

It's age dependent too. Now I'm 50 plus, I never so much as notice men in any kind of sexual way. I only consider them as a physical threat to me.

For me, intelligence and good sense of humour make someone look more physically attractive.

So if I was in a bar (and I was in my youth. A lot) and was talking to a bloke, if he made me laugh or was clearly intelligent then he would look really sexy. Whereas if he turned out to be dull or dim he would somehow lose the physical attractiveness a bit.

It's like the attributes that are attractive to me somehow get superimposed over the face and body.

I know that sounds weird.

But if we are talking across the street not said a word , then I can't say I take much notice. Possibly a me issue.

I very, very rarely look at a man and think "phwoar". I'd probably have to be ovulating and he would have to be a very very fine specimen.

Most men will shag/lust after anything in a skirt 🤷‍♀️ it dies down when they hit their 50's I've found although I still sometimes catch dh looking at 20 yo's and it does make me feel slightly nauseous.

We used to have a really hot guy come into the office amd all the women went crazy. I don't really think men and women are that different, maybe it's just that there really aren't enough hot men to ogle 😆

Wanted to add that it makes sense that women are more discerning as we are lumbered with a 9 month pregnancy and the baby so want to choose a good mate - it's not just physical (though it sometimes is!)

In nature men would impregnate and then fuck off - it's all about spreading the seed for them sadly.

I admire men’s bodies, but am capable of doing it without slavering, wolf-whistling, shouting ‘I’d ho through you like a pound of butter’ from scaffolding, audibly giving them marks out of ten, or having my eyes go out on cartoon springs.

So what I might be thinking about a random man’s body will remain where it should remain, inside my head.

(And an objectively conventionally-unattractive man will become suddenly devastating in my eyes if clever, articulate, knowledgeable, kind or otherwise interesting…)

There’s not that many hot men… How does he think all the average / awkward-looking / ugly men get laid? It’s more than physical.

My husband definitely looks at bums.

i look at men that hold doors open for people and think oooh he’s good looking and kind/ well mannered/ considerate. That’s the turn on for me.

sadly my husband isn’t a well mannered one

It's true. I reckon I probably find about 1 in 100 men attractive. And even then only in an abstract way.

There have only been two men in my life I've been insanely attracted to - dh and one other guy. Even the other men I went out with/shagged I could take them or leave them 😂

I notice attractive men in the same way as I notice other things of beauty, a special car, garden, painting, but I'm very rarely thinking I'd like to give him one. I do think a good rear in a pair of well fitting jeans is a thing of beauty, but again it's pleasant to look at rather than arousing, in most situations.

Are all men really like that all the time? Most I know hide it well if they are.

women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring

I don't believe men's and women's brains are "hard-wired" to do anything. Speaking as a child-free woman who has never felt "hard-wired" to have anything to do with offspring.

I don't think there's a blanket rule at all. Some people have a higher sex drive than others and some people are more visual than others, and that applies to men and women. On top of that, whether you check an attractive person out is very situational.

For example, if I'm sitting outside at a cafe with my shades on in the middle of the day doing nothing in particular, and an attractive man in sports gear runs down the pavement, I will almost certainly notice and discreetly appreciate him. I feel safe, relaxed and nothing else is holding my attention.

But if I'm in a club at 2am (and not looking to pull), I'll be much more careful about noticing attractive men because I don't want extra attention. And if I'm on a night bus I certainly won't be eyeing anyone up because safety is important.

Similarly I've been to gay bars with gay friends and they certainly don't hide it if they're attracted to other men there. In a non-gay pub they would be more mindful of their safety and be more discreet.

Wow lots of great replies, thank you! I'm just going into a meeting but will come back to this in an hour or so. 😃

Women are different around women. For years I worked in an all male environment so I hadn't noticed. Then I went to work in a primary school where the staff was all female. When we had male visitors I was astonished at all the twittering and eyelash fluttering. I thought that only happened in cartoons! Even the postman got the benefit!