(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

[focuseddreamer]

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

I agree. Also don’t really understand how a middle aged man can feel attracted to a woman in their early twenties.

I’m 47 and find men around my age attractive. A 25 year old just leaves me cold.

Im not saying you can’t see and appreciate beauty - it’s the actual ‘phwoar’ that is absent for me (and I’d wager most women) and present for men.

I know quite a few men who would like to think women were thinking “ ‘cor look at the arse on that.” I don’t think that.

I might subconsciously notice broad shoulders but it’s more because makes me think of “metaphorical” broad shoulders - ie; is linked to a character trait. I couldn’t give two hoots about a man’s bottom and I find it vaguely offputting when I sense a man is very aware of his derrière.

I, 53yo F, definitely do look at men’s bums. I really appreciate a man with a great arse. I also love a good thirst trap on Instagram.

I think women do, but personally I think it's a involuntary split second judgement and is probably hardwired in to identify potential mates which is then shelved unless required.

I don’t even notice men.

They don’t interest me.

I am going to put my hand up and say, I am 100% objectifying men. So do many of my female friends. The difference is that we openly talk about it whereas many women won't. I'm not sure why... I guess it doesn't bode well to admit you do something that you criticize men for doing.

With comments like that, tell your husband, the 1970's are calling, and they want him back! 😂

I can't tell if this is light hearted on your side or a genuine bugbear in your relationship, but to be totally honest the "men are just hard-wired to do that" is the kind of thought I used to have when I had very low expectations of men. I don't think it's a useful/helpful thought, it's more of a way not to deal with something that you find upsetting by pretending it's inevitable and all men would do that so I can't get upset if mine does.

On average I imagine more men do this than women, but I would not say it's all men or a hard-wired thing and if it bothers you, that is legitimate.

No, I don't think most women objectify men in the same manner men do women. I mean, he'd be forgiven for thinking that they do though, from petty things like diet coke brake adverts, the (male written) female characters in movies and books and the continual insistence that women are the same as men in general language, we lead with the idea that there is just a sliver of paper difference between the sexes.

I don't think noticing a good looking man shows a lack of respect for your partner.

Why would it? We don't go blind when we are in a relationship.

I basically size men up by their physical appearance too I'm afraid. Doesn't mean I'd ever act on it or that I'd ever voice it... but yeah I often mentally undress them and not even just the ones I'd be attracted to. You wouldn't think I would do that if you met me.
When you don't know someone the only way you can think of them is based on how they look.

Yep, you definitely have a husband problem! Unless there was a secret vote that made him a spokeswoman for all women, then I’ll get back in my box and put the blinkers on so I’m not tempted to eye up another man again!

Why on earth do you bother mentally undressing men you wouldn’t even be attracted to?!

I’d rather rummage through my neighbour’s wheelie bin …

As a generalization I think it's true to say women notice men that was less, or maybe differently, than men notice women.

There are some exceptions, though particularly among younger women, I think sometimes it's more chatter than the same kind of focus many men will have on nearby female bums.

I also think that bums specifically are a huge deal for many men, much more so than breasts even, and women tend to focus on other things as much or more in men. I've known a lot of women, for example, who are really attracted by men with beautiful/strong hands and forearms.

Honestly I don't know!!! I just do it! I always have

When I worked in a bar in my youth I got to hear how men talked about women as there was a TV next to the bar and it was always set to music videos. Most if not all of the men just criticised the woman for not being perfect, I rarely heard a compliment from any of these unattractive men about these stunning singer/models that they definitely wouldn’t say no despite having no chance.
It’s like no woman is actually good enough for them in their eyes.

I agree it’s different. Not to say women don’t, but I think they notice different physical attributes - so more deep voice, broad shoulders rather than boobs and bum ( or penis and butt). I have seldom found myself gazing at a man’s crotch.

No, I don't sit there and try to be intelligent about attraction. It's a physical thing and humans are visual creatures. I can appreciate intelligence, kindness, and humour in a man but I can't guess at all those things if he's just in the same vicinity as me and I've not met him.

If I see an attractive man of any age I do think cor he's got a lovely whatever I've spotted. My friends and women colleagues throughout my adult life have been similar and I've worked with and for people from all walks of life bar royalty so it's not a class thing.

There is nothing wrong with appreciating someone physically, it's just how or if it is expressed in public that makes it weird or not.

YANBU

I think this plays a part in why men hate women so much, they assume women think like them so a womans actions look like deliberate moves to manipulate and "win" or when a woman goes off sex with him she's playing games and " withholding " to punish him, they don't understand or appreciate the pov of a woman.

Men compete and women collaborate in relationships.

There are several women on this very thread who say they objectify men physically, including me. If you don't, that's great, but please don't generalise for all of us.

Since meeting my husband I don’t look at other men at all tbh. The only one I complimented recently was Alan Ritchson for making Henry Cavill look insignificant next to him, not an easy thing to do.

I am only interested in masculinity really so I find a lot of the traditionally good looking guys to be more feminine generally. I wouldn’t be looking solely at a bum or a smile, it would be a package for me.

I also quite like large hands and a strong jaw, or nice eyes or a luxuriant head of hair. So it’s physical, but less overtly sexual.

Totally, most men don't make much effort

Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women

I'd not bother expecting a civilised debate from someone with this attitude. Love it when men think they know what women think better than they do themselves. Not.

That tallies with my experience too.

Men seek perfection whereas women notice nice attributes.