(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

[focuseddreamer]

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

I think 'These men will shag anything is wishful thinking'...
I like confidence and forwardness, this can be problematic as confident and forward men attract women all the time. DP says he can appreciate a handsome man, looks at how they dress, his physique, posture, manner etc. As for women let's just say he's easy to get along with and knows it...

I definitely eye up men.

I also think men eye up women - but for relationships they care waaaay more about personality. So actually the two sexes are very similar imo.

I also grew up with two brothers - so I know how men think/talk about women and know how women think/talk about men they fancy. Stereotypes try to say men and women are different in this regard but we're really not, we're the same

I think you are exactly right. You’ve explained it well.

^Totally this. He sounds like an arrogant arse.

I agree with you OP - most women do not look at men the same way as most men look at women.

Men are way way WAY more motivated by sex than women are.

When you're younger it's more physical but I think as you grow older you're more attracted to humour, kindness etc. Also think men are attracted by looks, women more by suave and sexiness

Wasn’t apparent until later

Yes scroll back. There was a lot of guff upthread about how women simply affect “ horror” and “ disgust “ ( or similar wording ) when claiming they don’t consider them broadly attractive.

He is wrong. Please show him the countless evidence of good looking women with less good looking men. One goes for what they see, other goes more for how it makes them feel. A generalisation yes but generalisations come from anecdotal evidence!

And also tell
him to stop effing mansplaining. Or at least play him at his own game; “no, you’re wrong! Men go for women who are funny and charismatic first! Then looks!”

I think a lot of nonsense is talked about women looking always for a good mate from a genetic point of view- there is a slight element of that, but it is not high in the mix.
On the other hand I do think women look at men lustfully (I certainly have, in the past) but mostly women don't look at body parts in isolation, they assess the whole man, I would like to sleep with him, not look at the biceps on that!

I once went out with a phwooor bloke. It wasn’t enough, sadly, even though he was also kind and caring.

I find an intelligent sense of humour the sexiest thing of all.

Wait until perimenopause hits. I literally look at almost every guy as a potential bed slave 😂

And I have never had these thoughts/feelings before.

Just a few weeks ago I met this guy who had a meeting with someone I know and I chatted to him for a bit first. Never in my life have I ever looked at someone for the first time and thought “fuck yes” before 😂

@TomatoSandwiches
theres a lot you say that I agree with. It's the nature/nurture debate. Nature means men go for the dopamine rush where women go for the oxytocin. Dopamine hit comes from the chase for men whether comes to winning a partner or winning a race. Gaming etc can fit into the desire to compete and win but also that it nurtures the brain to think in certain ways, as you describe in your post.