To feel my DP essentially kicked me out this morning?

[AnotherNaCha]

Quick background, relationship of 9 months, is very loving and respectful and have been very grateful to find each other etc. However, DP is artistic and seems to have the temperament to go with it and is also pretty low energy (likewise so am ok with it).

We don’t live together and both have small children so see each other every Sunday night and every second weekend usually Friday-Monday.

This weekend we were celebrating an achievement of his, I took him out and paid etc.

This morning in his in bed, I revealed some quite vulnerable MH issues I had at uni (over 25 years ago), we often talk deeply etc. But he said nothing, went to have a shower and then said he felt “weird” just wanted to potter so he’d meet me at mine later. I said clearly I’ve done something (as the emotional shift was palpable), he said no and it wasn’t fair as he was just being honest.

I left and later cancelled this evening when the day was almost over and hadn’t heard from him. He was fine with that. Didn’t ask any questions.

AIBU to feel like crap? Or maybe it was too much for him and he just wanted space? It’s like the more I give him, the less he wants to give back. He never makes plans for us and I just feel maybe it’s all a bit one-sided and not sure what to do. Thank you 🙏🏼

Sounds like you might of possibly touched a nerve

What do you mean by ‘artistic’, and ‘the temperament to go with it’?

He sounds like an immature person and a poor communicator. Throw him back.

Hmm you have been together plenty long enough that you revealing vulnerable and personal things is appropriate.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who responded like that to me.

Some people shut down conversations like that because they don't enjoy things that kill their "vibe". They try to train you not to talk about those things by ignoring them and freezing you out so you get the message.

Unless there's some serious backstory where he has trauma regarding someone in his life with mental health issues, I would be seriously considering whether I wanted to continue to relationship.

He seems very quiet, gentle and reserved mostly but then has a quite random fiery streak. Possibly autistic but is an artist by trade

You over emotionally dumped about something 25 years ago after 9 months of seeing each other a couple of times a week. He's allowed to take time to process what you said and you then cancelled the evening. He should run.

Maybe he was trying to celebrate his achievement and felt you clouded it by getting deep about something or he needed time to digest whatever it is you said.

This is bollocks.

I work with artists and they don't share those traits at all.

A knob is a knob, it has nothing to do with art.

Haha, well, maybe. He does the same however, but maybe I was just too much this morning. A “sorry you went through that” would be all I needed. And I laughed it off and changed the subject swiftly. Am not even sure it’s that why he suddenly needed space

I’d be very wary of deciding that there’s an ‘artistic temperament’, especially if you’re essentially explaining away bad temper. I write novels for a living, and the majority of my friends are writers, painters, or musicians, and I honestly don’t think any of us has any emotional territory in common. I mean, I’m quite bad-tempered, but that has nothing to do with what I do for a living, So I wouldn’t use that to give any kind of legitimacy to ‘fiery’ behaviour.

Yeah it wasn’t a massive thing he’d done though… (passed a basic test)

I am through with trying to analyse people - just want a reality check to know I wasn’t the dick here

Yes. Thank you. My mum was an artist and not like that, but prone to depression so maybe that’s why I said it.

I do have a history of giving people too many chances but equally want to be fair in my own responses

I do think it was an odd time to talk about this when he was presumably on a high from his achievement. It shifted the focus from him and his achievement onto you.

Given it was 25 years ago so no immediate rush could it not have waited a few days.

He isn't willing to support when you're vulnerable with him. I imagine there isn't a future between you.

This. Get some therapy. Dont trauma dump when someone is celebrating.

I’m wondering why you felt the need to bring up something from 25 years ago? Was it relevant to the conversation?

Thanks. Am in therapy and he’d literally just passed a basic test that I was bigging up for him.

You haven't been seeing each other very long so I think calling him partner is really pushing it. You two were celebrating something he did and then the next morning you trauma dumped stuff from 25 years ago on him, do I have that right?

I think you killed the celebratory vibe stone dead and he was not ready for that.

That said, I've had a couple long term relationships with a sculptor and a musician and known a ton of artists and there is no such thing as an "artistic temperament".

I’d had a dream remembering it and we always share dreams in the morning, so kind of. It was a stretch of not leaving my room for a few days and not having any friends at one point - so hardly super traumatic for him to cope with!

It was a big enough of a deal for you to celebrate with a meal and call it an achievement 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think a lazy Sunday morning it bed was the right time to trauma dump.

You seem to be downplaying it all now. In your OP you said it was about vunerable MH issues and a deep chat. Now you’re being blasé.

OK, less traumatic than I thought, but a red flag re you potentially being needy and reliant on him in the future, I'd want to think about that.

It was a big enough deal as I’m a nice supportive person who enjoys bigging up loved ones successes. It wasn’t a trauma dump and I really don’t know if that’s what triggered his booting me out.

I don't understand this. You're setting up tests for him to pass? Like emotional tests? You helped him pass some literal test?

Huh?

Ok, right bloke here talking, mid 50s, grew up when you could catch being gay!

men are not trained for certain things...we can't cry, show weakness, be receptive to other people's bad news...which is why under 50 we are most likely to die of suicide.

he's in the middle of a celebration weekend....you share something shite. 5 years into a relationship he pushes aside all the butch man shite and thinks about you. 9 months and he's thinking wtf, why now. Next week I'm cutting the heart out of the people who hurt her. But today I don't know what to say, how to react