To feel my DP essentially kicked me out this morning?

[AnotherNaCha]

Quick background, relationship of 9 months, is very loving and respectful and have been very grateful to find each other etc. However, DP is artistic and seems to have the temperament to go with it and is also pretty low energy (likewise so am ok with it).

We don’t live together and both have small children so see each other every Sunday night and every second weekend usually Friday-Monday.

This weekend we were celebrating an achievement of his, I took him out and paid etc.

This morning in his in bed, I revealed some quite vulnerable MH issues I had at uni (over 25 years ago), we often talk deeply etc. But he said nothing, went to have a shower and then said he felt “weird” just wanted to potter so he’d meet me at mine later. I said clearly I’ve done something (as the emotional shift was palpable), he said no and it wasn’t fair as he was just being honest.

I left and later cancelled this evening when the day was almost over and hadn’t heard from him. He was fine with that. Didn’t ask any questions.

AIBU to feel like crap? Or maybe it was too much for him and he just wanted space? It’s like the more I give him, the less he wants to give back. He never makes plans for us and I just feel maybe it’s all a bit one-sided and not sure what to do. Thank you 🙏🏼

Haha… actually, could be. He was in the bathroom a lot and felt weird. And he had a separate takeaway to me last night 😂

I wouldn't like that at all, myself. I want to feel like my significant other is there for me and has my back, when something comes up that calls for it, not only dependent on his mood at the time. So being suddenly invited to leave after sharing one of my darker moments would be a red flag to me.

It's supposed to go both ways. But here you've gone out of your way to make a fuss over him for a minor achievement. And he's left you hanging emotionally when you showed vulnerability.

Of course we can only guess at his reasons for suddenly feeling the need to be alone but if he shows you this attitude even semi-frequently, it might be time to reconsider if he's the one for you. Good luck with it.

Oh yuck yeah I don’t want to come across like that! I’ve been the more independent one I’d say, but can see the tables turning if I keep on like this

Not leaving your room for a few days and having no friends for a while - 25 years ago…
Just why did you feel the need to share this?
What response we were you hoping for?

Why didn't you just do that in the first place instead of cancelling and over analysing when you have no clue why?

Strange response, op

You shouldn’t have to second guess what you can and can’t say. An emotionally mature man should be able to deal with this without withdrawing. Walking on eggshells trying to figure out how to please someone is the worst - don’t do it. If he can’t handle all of you he’s not for you.

This was my thinking too.

For me at 9 months I'd be expecting more from a relationship and to be able to talk about difficult/ heavy/ emotive topics and get a supportive response. Otherwise what's the future in the relationship.

I think op, you've said you aren't even sure that your disclosure is the issue here so I think people have jumped on that a bit quickly. It could be that he felt exhausted or unwell or maybe it triggered something with his own mental health that he hasn't shared yet.

The bit that would worry me is that you say he blows hot and cold on you and has a temper - those are red flags and I would be very wary of that type of behaviour. I think you need to step back and look at how often that is actually happening because if its relatively regularly then tbh I'd be rethinking the relationship altogether, especially if you're interested in a future with someone.

See! The mystery is solved.

As long as it wasn't his driving test.

He had a dodgy curry and you’ve got off down the Yellow Brick Lane (the Jeff Goldblum one)

Christ, what's with people and their obsession with accusing people of trauma dumping on the internet these days.....is it the new buzz phrase that people get a kick out of using? At least it replaces 'virtue signalling' I suppose. Sounds like he just had some other thing on his mind, maybe had an artistic idea he wanted to get on with.

@Annascaulwhy wouldn’t she share this and be vulnerable with her partner ? Maybe she was hoping for connection and to be seen and loved for who she is? Your responses are strange not OPs

I'm actually now team he had imminent shits coming on and needed you out of there. See how it goes this week.

You weren’t trauma dumping. A lot of people on here don’t know the meaning of the phrase.

He sounds like a complete lightweight. How dare he make you feel bad about it.

Personally I’d fuck the delicate little prick off.

A minor incident that took place 25 years ago is not who she is?

Strange things happening on MN tonight.

Two pages in and no one has diagnosed autism or ADHD.

vulnerability doesn’t mean telling others what happened to us from across a cafe table or from behind a microphone

and then going home from the experience feeling just as alone as you did before

vulnerability means allowing your human heart blanket to get sewn to other heart blankets

it’s about connection

we don’t share for status
we do it for synergy

we don’t confess for clout
we do it to build community

we tell our tale
to invite others
to tell theirs

it’s the sacred cycle
of storytelling

we gather in a circle of trust and
say “here is my journey”

then we listen to
the other journeys
that are shared

we take space
then we give space

we pour
then we absorb

we speak
then we listen

we are storytellers
then we are witnesses

vulnerability isn’t just about
grave digging in our past
to expose our skeletons

it’s about sewing quilts

here is my patch
here is your patch
here is their patch
here is us

here is our story

~ john “patchwork heart” roedel

(art by the absolutely cosmically gifted
Paula Jones Fine Artist )

(johnroedel.com)

I feel like this guy has shat on OPs heart blanket.

Can somebody else find the vomit emoji for me please?

I really don’t understand the majority of comments on this thread. Most people at some point in their lives have had to deal with trauma. Part of a relationship is being able to share intimate details of yourself, being able to communicate about the past without judgement and with compassion. It’s a huge lack of communication, if the other person can’t listen actively and at the very least acknowledge negative periods in their partner’s lives as well as the positive.

you put yourself in a position of vulnerability, and he didn’t have the capacity to communicate, acknowledge, or even communicate his own feelings from that day. To me I would find that so infuriating, disrespectful and the fact that he lacked empathy for the person he should be closest to. What happens if something negative were to happen in the future in your life? Would he be supportive? Would he be able to cope?

Opening up about your past to your partner in my opinion should never be viewed as over sharing. At nine months you should be able to communicate.

I would now question whether he would be supportive in your life, and worth it.

Why are you struggling to find it? Surely it’s right there with the others? Near all the letters you just bashed.

Or did you just want to be bitchy and try to engage others in it with you, by way of your weird comment?

Heart blanket 🤣

Come on, that poem was probably the naffest thing I've ever read.

And isn't going to help the OP, who seems to be perfectly capable of judging what happened, in any way.

Purple Ronnie birthday cards had more poetic power than that drivel.