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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I just get up and go out?

969 replies

wherethewildrosesgrow · 16/03/2025 09:50

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

OP posts:
Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 10:02

Just say, if he does not say anything... 'I'm going to [wherever]...are you coming?' That is all. No mention of birthdays or treats or promises.

Ixoral · 23/03/2025 12:39

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 10:02

Just say, if he does not say anything... 'I'm going to [wherever]...are you coming?' That is all. No mention of birthdays or treats or promises.

Birthday was 2 weeks ago.

CustardySergeant · 23/03/2025 12:52

Ixoral · 23/03/2025 12:39

Birthday was 2 weeks ago.

No, only 6 days. It was last Monday.

NovemberMorn · 23/03/2025 13:53

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 23/03/2025 05:54

Yes, you're right. I should look at my very healthy relationship that works well for both my husband and I, and is teaching my daughter that she should be respected and treated properly.

The fact I wouldn't stand for being forgotten, especially not while he remembers other people and stores their gifts in my home, is just one of the many reasons I very rarely have any cause for complaint in my relationship. My husband wouldn't accept it either. We are equal people of equal importance and we treat each other that way. As it should be.

She is right, you do sound insufferable, we are not talking about your relationship.
🙄
You have implied the OP would have no self-respect if she decided to stay in the relationship, you have called me a doormat for suggesting (throughout the thread) that she should give herself time to think about things, if she was happy for four years, there must be something that held them together.

I hope the OP works out what is best for her and her kids, and whatever she decides, hopefully she will disregard meaningless insults from faceless posters who like to big up themselves at the expense of others.

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 14:13

I didn't realise that the birthday was 2 weeks ago. So, now the OP should say ''I am going to.... as a late birthday celebration [now it makes sense to mention it] - are you coming?''

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/03/2025 14:35

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 14:13

I didn't realise that the birthday was 2 weeks ago. So, now the OP should say ''I am going to.... as a late birthday celebration [now it makes sense to mention it] - are you coming?''

I get the impression that you haven’t read the OP’s posts?

If not, I think you should.

pineapplecrashed · 23/03/2025 14:37

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 14:13

I didn't realise that the birthday was 2 weeks ago. So, now the OP should say ''I am going to.... as a late birthday celebration [now it makes sense to mention it] - are you coming?''

What on earth are you on about? Read OP’s posts.

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 16:39

I was talking about how she was promised the moon and a bag in which to put it.

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 16:41

I read that she was promised 'something great next year'. Unless it is a different OP.

pineapplecrashed · 23/03/2025 16:43

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 16:39

I was talking about how she was promised the moon and a bag in which to put it.

Yeah, but I suspect OP wasn’t keen on doing anything with him after that..

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/03/2025 16:55

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 16:41

I read that she was promised 'something great next year'. Unless it is a different OP.

Yes, that was what he said last year, & then despite talking about how great this year was going to be, he let her down.

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 17:03

@EmpressaurusKitty - And that is why I said she ought to say she was going out somewhere, as a belated birthday celebration / gift to herself, and ask whether he would like to go.

EmpressaurusKitty · 23/03/2025 17:04

Tanjamaltija · 23/03/2025 17:03

@EmpressaurusKitty - And that is why I said she ought to say she was going out somewhere, as a belated birthday celebration / gift to herself, and ask whether he would like to go.

If she does, I hope it cheers her up.

loopsielu · 24/03/2025 16:10

HomeBodyClub · 16/03/2025 10:03

How do you expect to have a special day when you can barely afford the basics?

Not even your birthday yet.

Bet you are loads of fun on birthdays! A birthday doesnt have to cost the earth, its the effort that counts

goody2shooz · 24/03/2025 16:56

@Tanjamaltija why on earth would she invite him along? After he’d promised x, y and said, had suggestions made, and done Jack 💩? After all his lies and no effort at all, I sincerely hope she dumped him.

Tanjamaltija · 27/03/2025 17:18

Sarcasm; meant to indicate she does not ''need'' him to ''take'' her anywhere; she can go under her own steam.

Tanjamaltija · 27/03/2025 17:24

That's her choice. Now he's shown his true colours, she can take him or leave him.

TheseCalmSeas · 27/03/2025 18:02

Tanjamaltija · 27/03/2025 17:24

That's her choice. Now he's shown his true colours, she can take him or leave him.

Thankfully she’s left him

NovemberMorn · 28/03/2025 12:34

TheseCalmSeas · 27/03/2025 18:02

Thankfully she’s left him

She acted on the spur of the moment because she was so hurt. There have been no updates since, so no one knows whether they have split up or not.

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