Shall I just get up and go out?

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

Happy birthday for tomorrow. Say you are going though and why.

I would go out one way....

A lot of hairdressers/restaurants are shut on a Monday. Are you/he working tomorrow? Coujd he be planning something for the weekend?

If he’s really done nothing, then to be honest I’d go out myself but also think about ending things. It’s so depressing when someone treats you like that.

I don’t think you sound spoiled at all, this would really upset me.

If, after bigging it up for so long, he hadn't been arsed to put ANY effort in (bar moving his mouth) I'd not be arsed to put any more effort into this relationship.

He chose not to prepare anything, which to me is a clear indicator that he doesn't value you.

I'd go out for the day, and end the relationship as my gift to myself.

Happy birthday @wherethewildrosesgrow . Sorry but you've swopped one crap man for another. Tell him you're off out and just go, if he's actually got something booked he'll tell you

I think I’d just be honest and ask him if he’s actually planned anything for tomorrow and if not just say in that case I’ll be taking myself off for the day and pleasing myself.
And then plan to never spend another birthday with him.
Sounds like you’ve had a really shitty time of it. You don’t sound like a spoilt princess for expecting a bit of effort for a birthday when he’s actively been chatting about it and ‘making notes’.
what a shit. Happy birthday for tomorrow 💐

Hold on, so tomorrow is your Birthday? How do you know he hasn't got something planned to take you out somewhere nice tomorrow night? Some nice gifts?

If after spending months making a fuss and saying he's going to make it special he's done nothing at all which sounds likely given his comment yesterday then honestly I would leave the relationship.

How do you know you've got no gifts? Your birthday is tomorrow! Are you sure he hasn't got something up his sleeve?

How do you expect to have a special day when you can barely afford the basics?

Not even your birthday yet.

Happy birthday, definitely take the day out and enjoy.

I used to live my life controlled and restricted by a partner. Spent many special days waiting for the planned good stuff to appear then in tears when nothing did. I would always think it was some kind of funny bluff that nothing was planned and be shocked if really wasn't. I've had some amazing experiences in last couple years that I've planed and done solo or with a friend even if it seemed scary to organise and just do it. I'm not sure if you have any spare cash but hopefully you can afford to treat yourself.

Dont even think about the relationship right now, you can come to that later just focus on looking after you and enjoying

After four years you should be able to ask him what he has planned. It isn't a healthy relationship if you can't communicate.

This

He could be leading you into thinking he's done nothing and then surprise you with something major tomorrow. You did say he had promised ‘next year will be really special. I’m going to surprise you'

Don't get your knickers in a twist until tomorrow.

If tomorrow comes and goes and he doesn't bother doing anything and hasn't kept his promise, then you'd have every right to be upset and do something for yourself.

I would have a backup day planned, just in case.

@wherethewildrosesgrow I would ask him today what he has planned for tomorrow. if he says nothing yet, then dont say another word about it. get up, shower, dress and go out by yourself tomorrow. he will know you are angry at him and just might arrange something for the evening but dont count on it. i would say you need to find another dp though!

I agree.

It’s St Patrick’s Day tomorrow. Find an Irish pub, even if you just drink soda water.

Just ask him what he has planned for you for tomorrow. If he hasn't done anything then tell him not to bother and go book yourself something like a spa day

Hopefully find something you can enjoy for tomorrow to book x

Check out Monday spa deals with afternoon tea? Actually don’t wait until he is up tomorrow to see if anything actually happens as you ve able to book this, ask a final time what is happening then book

Oh yes, hopefully he will surprise you with something special x

I agree with the others.

• He doesn't value you.
• He's selfish.
• YOU need to go out on your birthday on your own.
• Do lovely things that you want to do, for yourself.

And don't tell him what you're doing. Just disappear. He'll work it out throughout the day. And if he does surprise you and pull something out of the bag (metaphorically) you can always excuse your day out as an extra shift at work or an essential task that you'd forgotten. BUT he's not going to have anything planned, is he?

And a big Happy Birthday chick. Love yourself the way you deserve. 💖

I think you may have a small chance that he has planned something but is trying to create the element of surprise for you. But I doubt it.

In which case I’d be getting a one way ticket out of there (as a pp mentioned).

I don’t understand why women finally get the courage to leave a crap relationship/husband and then fall in to another one.
Show yourself a bit of love, for heavens sake.

Wish posters wouldn't do the 'ooh maybe he's got a surprise planned' when he clearly hasn't. He said yesterday he'd got nothing organised, which was clearly his attempt to nudge OP into saying 'oh, it's fine, you don't need to do anything even though you've promised for months you will' 🙄

Hope you've gone out or are going OP. Tell him he's let you down after all the empty promises. And bin him

Book to go to a spa and get treatments and ask him to treat you, before you say what or how many treatments you get. I would not accept being treated like this. Obviously he doesn't get how important this is for you and has missed all the hints.

Happy birthday for tomorrow, I would go and do something you will enjoy today. Your significant other has had plenty of time to organise a special day.... enjoy yourself x