Shall I just get up and go out?

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me, normally we don’t celebrate that much, couple of token gifts, breakfast in bed, a takeaway.
Last year I got a last minute gift voucher, with the promise of ‘next year will be really special’.
I’m going to surprise you.
Its been talked about by DP a lot, right up til Christmas, how he’s going to get me something special, we’ll go somewhere really nice, etc.
I’ve mentioned loads of semi local places that I might like to visit for the day, restaurants that look nice, things I’ve always wanted, but never bought (not that expensive).
He said he was making notes for my birthday.
Yesterday we were out shopping, and DP mentioned that he was still to organise ‘stuff’ for my birthday.
He asked me if I’d like anything in particular, would I like to get my hair/nails done, or go anywhere special!
Nothings planned is it?
Ive got no gifts.

The likelihood of one of the restaurants/pubs I might like to try having a table available, is zero.
Ditto to any hairdressers.
I bet he won’t even make me a brew!
We’ve been together nearly four years, I had the worst year last year, with terminal illness in the family, and I’ve just finalised terrible divorce, which took nearly six years.
I hope I don’t sound like a spoilt Princess, because I’m really not.
Ive barely been able to afford to feed myself for the last few years, due to legal bills, my haircuts normally just a few quid from a family member.
Ive only had my nails done twice in my life, and the gifts/days out I’ve mentioned would total less that £100 each, yes he does have the funds, he’s told me he’s set them aside, and more besides.
But to plan NOTHING?
AIBU, to just say Fuck it, get up and go out for the day on my own, to one of the places I want to go.

Sorry I’m really confused but it’s not your birthday until tomorrow so how dou know there’s nothing planned? You’re kicking off like a spoiled brat already and it’s not even your birthday. Weird behaviour. For all you know tomorrow’s going to be the best day of your life.

Exactly, people have no common sense sometimes with these things.

Are many restaurants open 9n Monday night near you? I wouldn't think they'd be full if so?

Do you really think that's going to be the case?

You don't actually know he's done nothing yet do you? All these last minute questions from him could conceivably just be to put you off the scent.

Are you at least going to let your dc see you and wish you happy birthday before you take yourself off for the day, or are you just assuming they've done nothing for you either so you're ok to ignore them and leave?

If he's this unbothered now, it's not going to get any better.

That said, he might be double bluffing. I hope so. Happy birthday for tomorrow x

I have no idea i dont know either of these people. Certainly on my birthdays the celebrations don’t happen until the actual day but if you’re all celebrating the day before I must be doing birthdays wrong.

I hope this is a double bluff but even if it is, the OP needs to sit him down (not tomorrow but later in the week) and explain that deliberately pretending to have ignored her birthday and therefore deliberately upsetting her isn’t on.

There are ways to wind someone up about a surprise (think the childish ‘I know something you don’t know’) that don’t involve deliberately upsetting the surprisee.

If it’s not a bluff, I’d seriously consider whether this relationship is going anywhere. I’d certainly not be moving in with someone who would act like this (assuming the ‘surprise’ doesn’t happen).

YANBU. In these circumstances always have a back up. If he surprises you with something unexpected then great, if not you can revert to your own plan to spoil yourself (and reassess the relationship).

Happy birthday for tomorrow. A back up plan is prudent if you are let down. If so, back up plans:
1 take yourself out for lunch
2 go to the cinema and watch a film
3 go buy a book you like
4 go for a nice walk
5 buy a cheese board (whatever you like)

…and when you get home break up with him. Say it’s not working out and you want to move on. Watch his face.

Hope it all goes well. Live once well.

I haven’t ‘kicked off’, I’ve simply asked him what he has planned, he’s told me he hasn’t made plans.
No fuss made on my part at all, that would just be undignified, nor shall I make a fuss, I wouldn’t embarrass myself.

Happy birthday for tomorrow. 🎂

Take yourself out for the day and have lunch somewhere special with a view.

On Tuesday, start making plans to leave permanently. You deserve to be treated much better than this and you need to believe that too!!

We are both off this week, my sister asked me
back in December what I was doing, as he was on night shifts, she said we could go out for the day, he said we should both book the week off go out together in the day, then out as a family in the evening.
So we both booked the week off, that time off started last Wednesday.
since then we’ve done DIY/Gardening.
Tomorrow is my 50th, and I’m going out with my sister on Tuesday.
If I’d have know he wasn’t going to bother, I’d had the day out with my sister instead.
i just feel embarrassed, and somehow ashamed.
I sure people will ask me what I’ve done for my 50th.

@wherethewildrosesgrow this is absolutely shocking in my opinion and I’d be gutted. .

You asked him what he had planned and he said nothing . What did you say ?

Do you think there is more chance he is serious or more chance he has a surprise. ?

You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about, he does, but if it makes you feel better, describe whatever you do with your sister. Nobody has to know that wasn’t your pre-planned birthday activity or that it was Tuesday not Monday.

Happy birthday for tomorrow!!! I hope you get spoiled rotton and have a wonderful day.

I hope your DP delivers. If not, then i hope you make feel him so guilty.

I'd do a bit of homework tonight and see if there's any availability for the river cruise for you want to go on, just in case he hasn't booked anything. Have a back up plan. If he really doesn't spoil you, then you have to think if you really want to be with a man like him.

Either way, I hope you have a wonderful day.

I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow. I’m hoping your DH will pull something out of the bag but if he doesn’t, I think you should enjoy what you can of the day and then the Tuesday with your sister. Then speak to him and lay it out as calmly as you are able. You are not being unreasonable at all to be disappointed. It sounds like youve been through such a hard time with your divorce and terminal illness in the family and this is your 50th. You’ve been with him 4 years and he was rubbish last year. Knowing all of this, it looks like he has not sorted anything for tomorrow (although I’m still hoping). I don’t know how he is on the day to day but this would upset me. Happy birthday for tomorrow. You deserve the best.

Op, you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about, this is his fuck up.

If you are able to, I would not react right now. I would absolutely feel hurt & disappointed by his total lack of preparation, planning & effort, but please don't let it entirely ruin your birthday by also having a big argument or a cry.

Get on Treatwell or whatever and book yourself in somewhere for hair/nails/massage, whatever floats your boat. Call at a local florist and buy yourself whichever flowers you usually resist as "too expensive/fancy for yourself".

What are your plans with your sister? Can you wear your nice dress for it? Can she organise a last minute, emergency family meal? Without the dickhead partner...

Then, when you've spent time with people who love & care about you, think about what you need to say to him. You are entitled (& right) to feel upset, disregarded, taken for granted, angry. He said "book time off, I want to spoil you, I am taking notes, I want to get you a lovely present & take you out" and had known about the time off since December. He literally has no excuse for not having planned something - and you can tell him this clearly & calmly & decide of he is worth keeping. Or not.

Again, I hope you have a happy birthday and that you enjoy your time with your sister. Xx

Happy Birthday to you! I really feel for you as I was in that same situation for too many birthdays! My DH is incapable of organising anything for my birthdays. He drags his feet until the last minute and I always end up feeling disappointed and sad. It was my birthday not long ago and the day before my birthday, we planned to go to Bicester village for a treat, (he couldn’t think of any other outings 😔 despite not living far from London).
Unfortunately, I was unwell on the day and we stayed home. The following day, (the Birthday day) I was better but we didn’t have childcare so we couldn’t go out for the day. So, I only got a cake, no card and no gift!! despite DH having the whole previous day to himself to organise a little present.
I always go out of my way to organise his birthday. Balloons, cake, cards, multiple presents from me and from the kids…. .
My point is if he is like this after only a few years together, don’t expect him to change in the future! Take yourself out and like others have said, don’t even tell him. Go to where you want to go, buy the present you want, treat yourself to a nice lunch. Take time to reevaluate your relationship.

Have a good cry tonight.
Then, have a great day tomorrow. Sack him off.

Set yourself a budget and decide what the best thing you can do with that money is. You can have a great time.

I would go for museum and afternoon tea. Get your nails done or something too. Buy a nice magazine to read whilst waiting for anything like appointments or service.

Maybe treat yourself to something nice to wear or for the house that is a 50th keepsake - doesn't have to be expensive.

At some point in the future book a nice meal with your sister or some friends so you can wear your lovely new clothes.

It's shitty of your bf but forget him and give yourself the great day you deserve.

Don’t feel embarrassed, he’s should be embarrassed. What he’s done is just cruel and I wonder what’s behind that cruelty. I think he’s still a person that you don’t know yet and I think you would be better off moving on sooner rather than later. If he lets you down like you think he will I think your best bet would be to get out the relationship quickly.

I hope I’m wrong. Happy birthday

OP, happy birthday.
Sorry that you have chosen another dud.

All words, no actions.
Why would you continue to spend time with a man like this.
You are just out of one toxic relationship, you need to take a break from men.

Your gift to him sounds like a huge gift and he does nothing for you?

Please find the self respect to realise this is awful.

You have 3 children to protect from another selfish loser.
You deserve better than this but won't get it accepting losers like this in your life.

Oh, and the continuously talking about it making promises is really ugly, nasty and unkind.

This is not a good man.

Yes, I’ll be taking DC to school as usual, collecting them after school, hopefully going
out for a meal with them, or cooking their evening meal.

Take your DCs out straight after school? Don’t cook!