Husband calling me by name in front of kids

[Minniemousse8]

My husband has gradually started calling me by my name when talking to our kids. For example, ‘Can you tell Helen that dinner is ready’ instead of ‘Can you tell mum’. Not all the time, but much more frequently.

I feel quite an emotional reaction to this. Like it’s somehow a demotion of parental status - as if I’m their step-mum (I am a step-mum also), or some lady down the road.

I’ve asked him to please not do it and explained why, but it’s obvious he feels I am overreacting and it frustrates him that I care.

AIBU to want him to cut this out? Or am I over sensitive?

Turn it around and start addressing him as his name.
I would be annoyed too!

I agree, start doing it with him!

YANBU. Why is he doing this. Even now my Mum says Dad when she’s talking about my Dad to me and I’m mid 40s. I think it’s disrespectful

do the same to him but give him a nickname.

Yup, it would annoy me if I'd asked my partner to not do it.

Do the same.

Yes that’s a weird one, just calmly start saying, ‘Richard, child A wants to show you something/show Richard what you have written…’. If you’re in the vicinity why doesn’t he just address you directly. Ask him does he now want his children to speak to him using his first name. Perhaps it’ll sink in that he’s being a twat.

How old are your kids? I’d see a big difference between doing this in front of a four year old (odd and I can see why you’re upset) and doing it with teen or adult DC (no big deal).

for me the issue is you’ve told him you don’t like it but because he doesn’t see any issue he continues to do it… so his feelings matter more than yours. It’s disrespectful

if you call him by his name will he double down to prove a point?

They are 11 & 14.

You’ve told him you don’t like it (and understandably so) and he’s continuing to do it. I’d guess he’s doing it on purpose. The reason will depend partly on how old your children are. It’s a nasty thing to do IMO.

Just seen your DC are 11 and 14. Hmm, well this sounds like he thinks you’re ‘babying’ them or something. How does he refer to his mum?

Sounds quite juvenile. Is he a plonker in other ways? I’d imagine this is just one example of him being a bit of an idiot.

I disagree that the age of your DC makes any difference at all. They could be adults and it would be weird and wrong.

Is it to do with your his other child/ren calling you by your name so he thinks they all should? What's his explanation?

My kids call us by mum/dad or or first names interchangeably (6, 8, 10yrs old) so I wouldnt care BUT you have told him you do so he should stop it. That he keeps doing it when he knows it upsets you makes him a dickhead.

Do your children still call you mum?

I feel like if that were the case, he would have done it the whole time we’ve been parents together. His other children are adults and live away from home.

Is it because he feels awkward calling you "mum" with your shared kids but "name" with your step kids? Do your step kids still have their own mum in their lives?

Wet, very strange. I wouldn’t let this go.

This is my thought too. If my dad started calling my mum by her first name to me, I’d wonder if they had just had a argument!

It has occurred to me on many occasions to see if he likes it himself. I wondered if that might be a bit petty. But it bugs me!

My nephew (9yrs) calls his parents by their first name and it really irrationally annoys me!! They also refer to each other in front of him as their names and not mummy and daddy, quite often! I think they think they r quirky and he is mature or something..

Don’t start doing the same, it will send the wrong message to your DC. Correct him each and every time. Save your revenge for when he’s in public or with people whose opinion matters and start using an annoying nickname. Even better, make it the female version of his own name.

No, not a plonker at all. All in all good chap. I think it thinks of it as something he can’t control.

I’ve been a step mum for 17 years or so, so I don’t get why this would change now. Yes, their mum is still around.

Weird!! Any idea why he's doing it?! Does it cooncide with any other weird behaviour? Has he bumped his head?!

I’m clearly an anomaly here but it wouldn’t bother me, and I can’t quite see why someone’s first name is disrespectful. I’m not trying to be argumentative but I’m obviously missing a trick. I mean, if he was saying ‘tell shithead dinner is ready’ that’s obviously entirely different but a first name?

Blimey not a hill to die on my adult kids have called us and all family members by name for many years I think hearing adults talk about mummy and daddy is a bit infantilising but we are clearly an outlier family but honestly it’s not a crime.