Husband calling me by name in front of kids

[Minniemousse8]

My husband has gradually started calling me by my name when talking to our kids. For example, ‘Can you tell Helen that dinner is ready’ instead of ‘Can you tell mum’. Not all the time, but much more frequently.

I feel quite an emotional reaction to this. Like it’s somehow a demotion of parental status - as if I’m their step-mum (I am a step-mum also), or some lady down the road.

I’ve asked him to please not do it and explained why, but it’s obvious he feels I am overreacting and it frustrates him that I care.

AIBU to want him to cut this out? Or am I over sensitive?

Have you asked him why he continues to do this despite you asking him not to?

I think it's incorrect if him on two counts. First, you've asked him not to do it but he persists. Second, you are not Susan or Sharon to the children you are Mum. If he speaks to the children about his mother, does he say Grandma or does he say Mabel or Doreen? I'm first-name to adults because my function is different, but I'd be Mum to my child because that acknowledges the actual relationship.

Personally don’t think the age is relevant. Can’t even see why he would do this at any age 🤣

Or does he say mom and dad when he is on about their grandparents, his own parents 🤣🤣🤣 it could get very confusing ha ha

It’s a sign of disrespect and undermining you as a parent. Unless you are their Stepparent, (I call my SM by her first name and only call my biological mum ‘mum’. Otherwise the kids will start calling you by your real name. The fact that you have asked him not to do it, but he continues is another telltale sign he’s disrespecting you!

YANBU!!

I had the opposite problem. My first children were born in the 1960s and called me by my first name. Quite the thing in those days. When I married for the second time and had another couple of children, my husband hated any of them calling me by name and sabotaged it by always referring to me as Mum or Mummy. For a few years the older ones stuck it out, but gradually over the years 'Mum' crept in and I lost my personal identity and became a generic parent. I never forgave him.

I can’t believe that 30% think YABU. It’s really off to do this. I’ve never heard anyone do this - apart from a couple I knew who insisted their kids cal them by their first names - which I find really weird. I think it is denying the parent- child relationship.
you need to put your foot down and make it clear that he stops doing it NOW.
tbh your DH sounds a bit of a knob.

No, I want her to refer to him as Dad when she speaks about him to me. I was saying the OPs husband is disrespectful

Just give him a really stupid nickname and use that with the kids....

Oh, and just tell him to stop - period!

I would hate this. I am Chris to many people, but only my two dds get to call me Mum. I will be their Mum however old they get.
I would pick him up on it every time. One mistake would be understandable, repeatedly doing it is weird. There must be some reason he isn’t acknowledging?

We are a mixed family of birth, step and foster kids. My middle birth child (38) has always called me by my first name and now my grandchildren call me a mixture of Gran, first name and various pet names. I really have no issue what I am called, I’m the mother and grandmother, all loved equally. 🥰

I would think he is looking for a reaction out f you. This makes no sense. Why would he slowly start doing this

What matters is that you have said to him , you don’t like it & he still does it !

I've called my mum by her first name all my life because she has treated me differently to my siblings and I never felt like she was a real mum. No one else has ever referred to her as her name to me though. They've always said your mum. So even to me this seems weird. I would never call my husband by his name to the kids. He isn't doing it unconsciously. Men lie about the things they do all the time as if they can't help it.

I find it so peculiar that you think there is some conscious motive to a man referring to his partner by her name to their kids. I do it all the time. I have no ulterior motive. Sometimes I say ‘could you ask your dad to….’ Other times I say ‘would you pass this on to David’
(my dh name isn’t really David 😂)

It’s not denying anything 😂
it’s also not disrespectful. Referring to their mother as ‘that bitch’ would be disrespectful. But their name? Nah. That’s just normal.

use of a title is not the singular means by which we denote a role. You don’t cease to be a mother by not being called ‘mum’. It’s ridiculous to suggest this in any way denies a role

Has he got your replacement lined up by any chance and doesn’t want to get the names mixed up?

I got completely ripped to shreds for calling my Auntie Carol just ‘Carol’ by my Dad, so ‘titles’ are definitely important to some people

It wouldn't bother me.

• odd that you find my comment about denying parent- child relationship screamingly funny with an emoji to make your reaction clear
• I did not say it is disrespectful to call a parent by their first name
• You cannot compare referring to someone as “that bitch” and using their first name. Worlds apart.
• “use of a title is not the singular means…” Really? Well, blow me down; I’d never have thought of that all by myself.

Yes. Titles are important to a lot of people and they do suggest respect. Tbh I find people whose children call them by their first names have their heads up their arses, think they are so special and they can be quite superior.

It would still be weird. If I talk to my adult DS about his dad (we are not together), I call him “your dad”. It would be weird to call him “Alastair” as that’s not what my DS calls him.

Yes, that’s fine but the OP isn’t happy with this. If you don’t mind, that’s great.

Given that you’ve drip fed that he has cognitive issues after a surgery I think you should give him a bit of a break