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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

1000 replies

ForTidyShaker · 15/03/2025 10:21

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

OP posts:
CoastalCalm · 15/03/2025 10:23

I’d refund the cake and the cake only

lilyboleyn · 15/03/2025 10:24

If he destroyed the cake only, you pay for the cake only, and maybe a bottle of wine. Not the whole shebang.

KnickerlessFlannel · 15/03/2025 10:25

She's not sent you the cost of the cake, she's sent you the cost of the replacement desserts as she didn't serve the cake. There's always a huge mark up in soft play so I can assume that it would be easy for 20ish kids to spend that.
So I think the price could be correct. I still think she's a huge CF for asking you for it, but you did offer. Maybe wires have been crossed

stayathomer · 15/03/2025 10:25

Oh god that’s awful! She sounded nice about it but my god I’d never ask someone to pay that amount!! I’m very torn though, you offered to pay and while I’d have lied and said ‘ah it cost thirty if that’s ok’ she didn’t so … 😬

purpleme12 · 15/03/2025 10:25

If you're absolutely sure you know the cake it is then pay the amount for the cake. Maybe slightly more to make up for what happened.

But no, not loads more

YouveGotAFastCar · 15/03/2025 10:26

You said you’d cover the cost… I think you need to stick to that. You can’t have expected individual desserts for a birthday party to have cost significantly less? I guess it depends on how many children but desserts are usually £8 each or so, so £110 “only” covers 12 kids or so…

You didn’t specify you’d cover the cost of the cake, and I guess she didn’t need that back in the moment; she needed alternative dessert.

I’d never have had the balls to send the full invoice but you did offer, and some people clearly do!!

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 15/03/2025 10:27

No I wouldn't pay that. Either pay for the replacement cake or if you prefer pay for the cost of a standard ice cream for the kids from the venue.

PrincessofWells · 15/03/2025 10:27

What was the hostess supposed to do. The cake was destroyed and the children had an expectation of cake so she bought desserts. You should be paying for the cake and desserts if asked.

Had I been the hostess I would have just said really, don't worry about it. But she hasn't so you do need to cover her losses.

OneFineDay13 · 15/03/2025 10:27

Surely the whole cake wasn't destroyed maybe only a few slices?! And the rest could be used no ? seems quite cheeky to send you that high cost of ice cream.

FatherFrosty · 15/03/2025 10:27

What a cunt.
presumably he didn’t destroy the entire cake? Come could have been salvaged. It wasn’t malicious. If she chose to buy more that’s on her. I’m pretty sure someone could have nipped to a supermarket and bought a traybake cake for a tenner

SpringingIntoSummerLobelia · 15/03/2025 10:28

aaaah what a difficult situation.

TBH I'd pay it. But understand it's alot of money and a traumatic situation.

ForWhomTheBellPepperTolls · 15/03/2025 10:28

I’d expect you to cover any costs over and above the original cost of the cake at the very least. This basically ensures they paid no more than they’d originally intended.

Personally I’d pay for everything as they didn’t get what they actually wanted, they had to accept a last minute substitution and the cake they’d planned and bought was ruined.

YouveGotAFastCar · 15/03/2025 10:28

OneFineDay13 · 15/03/2025 10:27

Surely the whole cake wasn't destroyed maybe only a few slices?! And the rest could be used no ? seems quite cheeky to send you that high cost of ice cream.

Presuming the cake was uncut, anyone shoving two hands into it would destroy almost all of it.

Seeline · 15/03/2025 10:29

Did your DS only touch the cake?
If so she is a CF asking for you to pay for anything else.
I would pay for the cake only.

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 15/03/2025 10:29

The whole situation is shit for everyone.

She had to get the kids some pudding after the cake was destroyed and the mark up in those places is ridiculous.

Ultimately I do think you should pay it because you offered though.

MasterBeth · 15/03/2025 10:29

Take the money out of it. I suppose the real question is, what were you agreeing to pay to put right? The wasted cake or the spoiled experience?

Replacing the cake wouldn't be that useful. They couldn't buy another one in time to serve at the party.

So they arranged for replacement desserts instead. Convenient but expensive.

I think simultaneously that they were cheeky fuckers and that you had a moral obligation not to just pay the cost of the cake.

Agix · 15/03/2025 10:29

Your son destroyed the cake and as a result, they had to order new desserts for the party. You pay for those desserts, not the cake.

FatherFrosty · 15/03/2025 10:30

It depends how bothered about the friendship dd is, how awkward the school gate would be and my own financial position before I decided if I would pay it.

the reality is I probably would pay it as I’m a people pleaser and wouldn’t want the potential fallout. But I’d chalk it up to experience and think she’s a cunt for it.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 10:30

While I can understand it's a bit of a shock, I think £110 is pretty reasonable for individual desserts for children at a soft-play type place.

Your son's actions meant she couldn't serve the cake, nor could she just go out and buy a replacement - so she had no choice but to get all the children individual items. I think you need to apologise profusely (again) and pay the bill.

cait967 · 15/03/2025 10:30

If you can afford it then pay it. The hostess was in a difficult spot. If it’s going to cause you financial hardship then maybe speak to her about it.

Fraaances · 15/03/2025 10:30

I think you need to suck this one up. The cake was one of her costs and then the unexpected cost of unplanned desserts. I doubt that your little one was invited to this party in the first place.

purpleme12 · 15/03/2025 10:30

I've changed my mind actually

I think you should pay it

Mnetcurious · 15/03/2025 10:30

Obviously you meant cover the cost of the cake, not “replacement desserts”. Ask how much the cake cost because that’s what you’ll be refunding, and no more. Her choice to then order dessert and allow children to choose expensive options.

C152 · 15/03/2025 10:31

YABU. You said the receipt shows £110, so it isn't like the other parent is trying to fleece you. This is what she is out of pocket for because your child ruined the cake she brought. She wouldn't have had to buy additional desserts from the (no doubt over-priced) venue if the cake hadn't been ruined.

It was an unfortunate accident, but you should still pay.

BlondiePortz · 15/03/2025 10:31

Fraaances · 15/03/2025 10:30

I think you need to suck this one up. The cake was one of her costs and then the unexpected cost of unplanned desserts. I doubt that your little one was invited to this party in the first place.

This

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