To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Or maybe OP should have stayed and dealt with the situation, instead of taking her kids home and leaving the other mum to deal with the mess her child created?

Honestly, I think £110 is a bargain for what happened.

Wow 😱Don’t do this OP.

I’d also be asking the cater to cover some of it - they were paid gif a service and they didn’t wholly deliver

I agree, I’d be really annoyed at the carer bringing him into the party instead of waiting and meeting you where they were meant to.

Yes, People can can come up with a million things the host should could have done this is not the hosts fault

I presume an uninvited child is the one that did this you need to fix this

I also don’t agree that she should’ve enforced the children getting the cheapest dessert. Maybe if you’d pre-planned to buy desserts/ice creams there, but imagine you’re a parent with (presumably) a load of upset kids and trying to find a way to quickly get them all a sweet treat that will salvage the end of the party, you’re not going to be enforcing a budget or working out the most cost effective option.

OP, your child ruined her child’s birthday cake, and cast a bit of a damper over the party. She had to buy replacement desserts which is what you’re being billed for. It may be expensive, but under the circs, I think you should just
pay up. I might have a word with your son’s carer, though, who must have known the sort of thing he would be likely to do.

I agree with this - she had to organise replacements on the spot with an upset birthday child / time probably running out on the booked venue. It's unfortunate for all, but I think you need to pay for what she has invoice you.

Why not the carer took it upon themselves to change the meeting point and let go of the child ? They are responsible. I’m sure they have insurance.

In her shoes, I would have ordered the cheapest dessert/ice cream for everyone. However it's done now and I think you need to cover the bill. Maybe she misunderstood your offer to cover the cost of the cake and thought you meant replacement desserts?

The carer was responsible really - they should have gone and got a replacement cake which OP could have paid for.

It's daft that she should pay over £100 for a supermarket cake. If not the carer, there would have been another adult who could pop out and replace it.

Honestly, i'd just pay. i'd want the whole thing to go away.

Sorry, I too think you need to pay for the replacement desserts at this point.

Unfortunately, I think you’re being unreasonable and should pay. The mum should have ordered a small dessert each like ice cream, but didn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that this expense wouldn’t have been needed had your son not ruined the cake.

I feel bad for everyone involved but I think you’ll just have to suck it up this time. For what it’s worth, I think even if you hadn’t offered, it would have been the morally right thing to do.

This is the part that bothered me. Surely you’d just order everyone the cheapest thing, ice cream, and that was it?

I don’t want to leave posters hanging so I’ve asked for her bank details and I am paying. It’s not worth the upset/hassle and it was a really humiliating experience for DD

Yes true. But to give her the benefit of the doubt she was possibly quite distressed and her child as well so she was not necessarily thinking clearly. Speaking for myself I don't think very quickly on my feet when under strain and she may have just been in 'fix it' mode by letting them choose what they wanted.

Excited 6 year old children were all expecting a slice of birthday cake. Maybe costing £20. Your son ruined the cake so it's only fair that you should provide an alternative. This isn't going to be provided in this venue for £20 and it wouldn't be fair for the birthday girls party to be spoilt and the children disappointed. The hostess mother has already paid for the venue, food and cake, she shouldn't have to provide again because your son ruined the cake... Aand to be fair ruined the ending part of the party. So you did the right thing offering to pay for a replacement. I think the birthday mother should then have said ...ok kids ice cream for everybody and simple offered/purchased a standard ice for everybody rather than offering a choice of any desert. There wouldn't have been choice with the birthday cake. If the birthday mother had done that maybe the bill would have been half what you are being asked to pay. However the birthday mother was caught in a sudden situation not of her making and probably , with a load of expectant 6 year olds around her and a disappointed, crying birthday child so not really surprising if she simple said ..ok kids choose what you want. Therefore as the situation was caused by your son I do feel that it is you, not the birthday child's mother who should pick up the extra expense.

If my children are anything to go by they would have enjoyed the ice cream more than a piece of shop bought cake. I can’t think of many parties we’ve been to recently when the cake has been eaten at the party - a piece is normally put in the party. bag to take home.
If this had happened at my party I would have done my best to make it presentable so that everyone could sing happy birthday and just apologised about the lack of cake in the bag.
I’m sure no-one would have been unduly bothered about the situation - everyone there would understand that things like that happen sometimes. I would have been grateful for the OP’s offed to replace the cake but I certainly wouldn’t have expected her to fork out an arm and leg for ice creams as I wouldn’t have bought them - perhaps I’m just mean 😂

I think you must pay it, she had to get an emergency alternative for all the kids, it works out just over £5 each. It sucks for you but it is what it is. Unless you'd rushed out there and then and bought an identical cake to the one your DS wrecked (and I can understand why you didn't do that at the time) so things could carry on as originally planned, I don't see what alternative the other mother had.

Honestly, I think this is one that you're just going to have suck up.

The cake was clearly unsalvageable since she didn't end up serving it (and I'm sorry, I wouldn't want to serve a cake that someone-child or not-had shoved their hands into) and she ended up having to resort to ordering desserts from the venue.

Thus, making her spend more money than she was initially intending. I think the only right course of action here is to reimburse her the additional costs. If she'd been able to go out and grab another cake-then you would reimburse the cost of the cake-but since that wasn't the case-you may have to suck up the cost of the desserts.

I'd pay if I was in your shoes.

Break it down - £30 for the cake and that leave £80 for replacement deserts. If there were 30 children (guessing) there it's £2.50 each or thereabouts. Considering that most soft play places (certainly around here) are hellish expensive for ice cream or cakes, and you offered to pay, you need to honour that.

Carer shouldn't have changed the meeting plan and should have pre-empted that your son would find the party atmosphere challenging. Carer is in the wrong really for not sticking to the plan.

If I was the mum of birthday child I'd try to be understanding and wouldn't bill you. However, she is charging you for the desserts that the kids ate as there was no cake and those places are expensive - probably she was trying to salvage the party for her DC. Personally I'd pay it. If there were 20 kids, 109 would be £5.45 each so doesn't seem impossible if they had ice creams and a few had soft drinks. Sorry you went through this OP, that's very tough for you and your DD.

She wasn't paying £100 for a supermarket cake, though, was she?

She was paying for the distress her child caused, and the replacement desserts the mum had buy because she walked off and left someone else to deal with the mess her DS left behind.

I do think you should pay. I also think the party mum should have controlled the costs of the replacement desserts more but it was presumably quite a stressful situation for her. Now it's done and those costs were incurred you should cover them.