To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

I feel you should pay it. I get that you felt you had to take your son out of the situation but you didn't attempt to rectify the situation at the time. So the parents had no choice but to pay for deserts for all kids. Also, the child who's birthday it was didn't get to blow out candles on their cake etc so the parents would have had to deal with the upset etc. So for the upset caused, I think you should pay. Maybe if you decided to go buy a replacement cake quickly then that would have been fine, but you said you would cover it. So I think you should .

What have I just read? I doubt he destroyed the whole cake as someone would have grabbed him pretty darn quick. Step one: cut off the bit he grabbed. Step two: share the rest of the cake out between the other children. Step three: tell birthday girl to get a grip, these things happen. As for buying individual desserts for every child, what the actual fuck. Even if the whole cake was destroyed then no. No cake, sorry. But I’m sure they were fed adequately so they will cope.
I would message back saying I am not paying that but I will reimburse for the cake. Then I’d block her if she pushes this. What an actual twat when you have a disabled child ffs.

I think that you should pay for the desserts but not the cake as the ice cream was the alternative to cake. Annoying that some kids picked expensive desserts but you weren’t there to say one scoop of ice cream per child or whatever and stop someone from ordering triple scoop with whipped cream, sauce and sprinkles at ££££

If it happened at the start of the party where there was enough time for you to go out and buy the cake at Waitrose then paying for just the cake would have been fine.

I think she’s taking the piss.

The kids didn’t need a pudding, for a start. Even if they did, they would have been cheaper options available - most soft plays have chocolate bars or something. It’s not ideal but absolutely fine given the circumstances.

I bet if the cake had been damaged by the host, she wouldn’t have offered everyone an ice cream as an alternative- she let them pick an expensive option because someone else was footing the bill. Cheeky fuckery.

What was she supposed to do? What do you suggest? How would staying have helped when she had two distraught children (one of whom appears to have no impulse control due to special needs) to deal with?
You've also ignored the point about allowing kids to choose expensive options.

You just have to suck it up and pay it I'm afraid.

the price of the supermarket cake, yes......but fancy replacements NO!

if I read it correctly, party mum was going to serve cake for pudding. OP’s DS destroyed the cake, so the party mum has sent her the bill for the puddings she had to order at the venue? If so, that does seem fair enough as a replacement cake the next day would have been completely redundant and she needed to feed the kids there and then. The only thing I would query is allowing the kids free rein over the menu. And when OP offered to pay, she perhaps should have suggested that OP ordered the puddings from the venue? But then maybe she could see that OP was stressed and needed to get home. So I would pay, I’m afraid. She hasn’t been a bitch about it and started ranting about how her DD’s party was spoiled, she’s just taken you up on your own offer to mend the damage. And I know this sounds awful, but people will be talking about what happened. And if the party mum is saying “yes, that was shit, but to be fair the other mum did everything she could and bought all the kids an ice cream”, that goes a long way to maintaining goodwill. Whereas “her kid destroyed the cake, ruined my DD’s party and then she reneged on her offer to pay and left me £110 out of pocket as well” is a less flattering story. Even if it was all basically out of OP’s control and not something that you really could have avoided. Sympathy to you, OP - can’t have been a nice experience.

It's awkward, but your son did destroy the cake that was planned for dessert. Therefore the mum bought the party kids individual desserts instead. I think this bill is on you, sorry.

Good on you OP. I think you are doing the right thing. But it's a really difficult situation I know.

FWIW my older DS had a massive autistic meltdown at the party of a school friend when he was around 10. Huge amounts of over stimulation and over excitement combined with one of his school bullies attending the party who knew exactly how to trigger him and found it funny. It was hideous. We were asked to leave the party and the mother then rang me that evening in a rage screaming that my child had ruined her party and she had banned her DS from ever speaking to him again. So I commiserate 100% with how you feel- the sadness about your child who has SEN or other issues and shock and embarrassment and all that. It leaves a mark on you. I'd like to say you'll laugh one day- but if it's any consolation it was not a situation you could help in that moment and you have done what you could to rectify it.

So the alternative was - sorry kids there is no cake and no pudding. It wasn't like she could nip to tescos in the middle of her child's birthday party and buy a replacement.

What good is buying a child a replacement birthday cake to give her after her birthday and after all her friends have gone home.

Yeah I’m sure not being able to blow out the candles left lasting scars.

This is getting cancel the cheque vibes

I wouldn't upset your Childs carer over this - if normally good, they are worth there weight in gold. Just remind them on the next occasion to stay outside the venue. Life with SEN / Disabilities is hard - be kind to yourself OP.

Glad you’re paying, your child ruined the cake and the children had an expectation of pudding. Of course she had to order them something and it shouldn’t have to be the cheapest item. Who wants to go from a decent cake to a cheap one scoop.

Why not? The carer didn't meet in the car park as arranged but brought the child into an environment where she didn't supervise adequately.

The OP said he dug his hands into it. Not sure I'd be happy with having any after that.

She could have stayed and offered to buy everyone a replacement dessert, or asked the carer to pop out and get something?

You don't just walk off and let someone else deal with the mess your child created, SEN or not. It's rude.

Whilst I sympathise I do think you need to pay it. I would message her though to point out she appears to have had a common sense failure as what kind of cunt let's the kids have free reign on choosing the replacement at great cost to the poor woman who's had to replace the cake through no fault of her own? That is proper twatish behaviour.

Ah I missed that.

I guess in the chaos of the moment it wasn’t well managed (ie a staff member taking orders while the mum sorted other stuff out). I can see how it happens.

Not ideal but I can’t see the party mum cajoling kids to order the most expensive item on the menu. If a kid is given an option they’re going to ask for what they fancy as they dont understand the cost implications at party age.

Again, it feels like an unfortunate effect of an unfortunate situation.

Are yo going to haggle?
Are you going to send less than she asks?
Are you going to ask for bill to be itemised?
Just pay what she expects.
Your child caused a ''problem'' and ''spoilt'' the party - just pay graciously with apology.

Yes one option is no cake and no pudding. Nobody will die. Or a parent does indeed pop to the nearest Tesco and buy a quick replacement cake. Have people got no common sense at all?

110 sounds reasonable if they had to buy individual desserts. I don't see why she should be out of pocket.

I can see you've paid. I would too. Stuff happens - there was an unfortunate incident out of her control and it needed sorting. I imagine the birthday child would have been very upset so would have done the same.

Mind you, as the party mum, I'd have sucked it up and not sent you a bill anyway. (Obviously I don't know the mum's financial situation.) I'd have texted you to check you, your dd and ds were OK.

Well yes the carer is at fault but it needs to be addressed another way as I imagine the carer is on a very low wage so deducting the bill from wages would likely put them below minimum wage. It’s very poor employment practice and I’d be amazed if it wasn’t illegal.

Agreed, I misunderstood. It does sound like OP has to pay.