To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Yes I think the cost is yours to bear, not hers. Just paying the cake doesn’t solve her issue of no dessert.

I think you should pay, simply because the party mum shouldn't be out of pocket for something that your son caused. She's shown you a receipt, so she's not trying to fleece you, she just wants you to pay for the replacement dessert.

The cost of the cake is irrelevant as that’s not what you’re paying for. She couldn’t use the cake and couldn’t replace it obviously.

I think you are going to have to pay as that was the cost of replacing the “experience”. Even the cheapest desert at soft play would cost more than the price of a supermarket cake and it’s not fair for her to be out of pocket.

You did offer to cover the costs and she did send you a receipt so yes I'd pay. Having said this I wouldn't be happy because if I were the host I wouldn't have allowed children to choose an expensive option.

i voted YANBU but I misunderstood and think YABU on reflection.

If they were going to have ice cream anyway and your DS only ruined the cake then you shouldn't have to pay for the ice cream.

But if the ice cream was a last minute substitute for the cake that your DS ruined then you need to pay for both really. Your son/his carer not being able to control him has caused the extra expense sadly.

Your son ruined the cake and possibly the girls birthday. It was salvaged by ice cream that you must reimburse her for.

What use would it be for OP to cover the cost of a replacement cake, though?

It's not like the mum could just wander off to the supermarket - she had a roomful of kids to feed and OP just left her to it!

Totally agree, I think the mum was taking the piss letting them choose dearer ice creams.id offer half the money for the desserts.

you offered to cover the cost, most people would take that as you covering the cost of the cake, not additional desserts. All parties my children have been to have had the cake in the party bag.

There wasn't a replacement cake, the poor lady couldn't exactly magic one up there and then. She had to get desserts from the venue because the OP's son destroyed the cake. Why should she have to suck up the costs?

Sorry OP. I think you need to pay the replacement cost if you can.
In that venue that was the cost of individual desserts. Presumably a replacement cake couldn’t be purchased at such short notice.

I do really feel for you and your dd especially. It will be embarrassing for her to meet her friends again. If the hosts are complaining about you not paying up won’t that make it worse for her?

I have a disabled child too so I do get it. It wasn’t your fault either but I think you’re still responsible for making things good.

Pay it. It’s a shit situation but you are paying for replacement deserts in a venue where they wouldn’t be cheap. The cake was a small part of the costs the mother incurred, why do you think she should pick up the rest of the tab?

It’s an unfortunate situation but put yourself in her shoes, she scrambled and found an emergency solution that unfortunately cost a lot money. Suck it up and pay it.

YABU. You let him destroy the cake and then swiftly left, that was unbelievably rude.

If your child hadn't ruined the cake then she wouldn't have had to get last minute, expensive alternatives. You owe her £110.

I think you should pay the full cost. I know it’s expensive but someone has to foot that bill. As others have said, the Mum couldn’t have replaced just the cake in the time she had and had to provide an alternative on the spot. Otherwise party Mum is significantly out of pocket because of your son grabbing the cake.

You should pay.
You left your son unattended and as a result a kid's birthday party was ruined.
I would have been absolutely furious if I was that mum, not just about the cake but because her daughter was so upset in her special day through your carelessness.

“some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry.”

She could have said “ok we’ll have a a scoop of ice cream for each child, which flavour would everyone like?” instead of allowing them to choose other expensive options, knowing that she was planning to send the bill to op.

So the birthday parent is further out of pocket?

I sympathise OP. DS is ASD and when young had no impulse control and threw things. At 3 he cracked the screen on a mum friend’s TV when he threw his full bottle of water. DH and I paid for the replacement - was cheaper to buy a new TV! We can laugh now but at the time I cried. It was still the right thing to do and I would have felt guilty (and ruined relationships) if I hadn’t.

But she was at softplay - a captive audience. She could only purchase what was available on the menu - plus she had a roomful of unhappy children to deal on her own because OP took her kids and left her to it.

It's not like she could pop back to Waitrose and buy another cake, or just leave the party to go and buy ice-creams from somewhere!

Huh? It was the cake he ruined, not all of the desserts, so why are you being asked to pay for all the desserts? This is bonkers. Just pay for the cake.

Maybe I have missed something but shouldn’t the carer be somewhat responsible. You arranged to handover in the car park to avoid your son having to go into the party environment. Did they phone you when they arrived or did they just come into the party and then let go of him ?

The party mum made the best of a bad situation and she shouldn’t be out of pocket but I think you need to talk to the carer about the costs (not sure how far you’ll get !)

I think you should pay the full cost. I know it's a bit shit and it's not really anyone's fault, but your DS grabbed the cake, the carer should have been a bit more on the ball there. To keep relations sweet with all the mums of the other DC at the event and to show that you are contrite on behalf of your DS, I'd pay up.

I’m sorry but she had to source a last second cost and you offered. You owe her the £110

Surely the carer should be paying - the carer took your DS into the room and let go of his hand. They must have indemnity insurance of some kind (assuming they are a paid, formal carer), so ask them to speak with the out of pocket mum to sort it out.

No, I wouldn't pay the added cost........the price of the supermarket cake, yes......but fancy replacements NO!. Might consider meeting her half way - maybe £50 but no more. They were all trying to cash in on you stating you'd pay up......CF's!