To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

But we don't really know how this played out.

Did the ordering happen without the party mum being on top of it because she was distracted with dealing with the wider situation?

Or was the party mum fully aware that there were much cheaper options available, but allowed a free for all on the triple chocolate sundaes because someone else was paying?

Where were the other kids parents in this? I wouldn’t have allowed my child to pick such an expensive dessert unless I was planning on paying for it myself. It probably only would’ve been a pound or two for a little bowl of ice cream. What on earth did they order?!

Shit did happen, so I’m sure she’s aware. Learning that shit happens is not dependent on her mother sucking up the cost of someone else’s uninvited child destroying the birthday cake.

cross posted. what I also said!

This is where we can actually teach our children to have a little compassion. I would have told you not to worry about the cake. These things happen and it wasn't malicious. I would have told the children similar and explained that it wasn't spoiled on purpose and that sometimes we have to be understanding of other people. I hope I am bringing my children up to have some compassion and perspective. It's just a cake

They’ve had a whole expensive birthday party dedicated to them! They have gifts, friends, lots of effort from their parents! How on earth can you sit there and tell me ONE MISSING BIRTHDAY cake makes them not a priority?!

The girl will be upset for sure, but you are a grown adult and need to teach your child that it’s not a world where everyone has to make you happy with no expense spared! What a shit show that will lead to when they get to adulthood. Can’t believe we will have a whole host of these ruling the world one day

Surely your birthday party is an occasion which is free from inclusion lessons.

Silly ? Are you on glue ? This incident is just one tiny example of what life is like for OP and others with children with significant needs. It was a one off and posters here are treating it like the end of the world because a birthday girl didn’t get her cake. You can’t plan for these things and OP clearly never intended for her DS to actually go inside - that was on the carer, and possibly warrants a conversation. But OP apologised and did what she could to make amends. She has absolutely no need to be embarrassed by the actions of her son and I don’t think much of anyone who would expect her to be.

No, so she gets 30 pounds. Not a whole fucking days wages. Disgusting behaviour. There have been many points in my life where £109 would have crippled me.

How would not replacing the cake with dessert teach the children about inclusion?
I’m honestly baffled at this logic.
I’m sure they realised that the child had different needs and didn’t mean to ruin the cake regardless.

Can't believe what I'm reading here.
The kids would have been just as happy with a bag of crisps or whatever else they sold at the party place, absolutely no need for her to get them all expensive desserts and it was very cheeky of her to expect OP to pay for it.

Yabu. I think you should pay for the desserts. I feel really sorry for your DD tbh, you should have ensured this couldn't happen. She'll likely not get invited again.

Hi I think shoe on other foot, if your dds bday cake had been grabbed and ruined by another child in front of a party full expecting to eat it- there would have been tears and tantrums if you didn’t do something to meet their expectations immediately- I think she had no other option than to go to the menu. In hindsight she should have found out the cheapest 2 options and given an either or but was probably trying to manage the situation. Awful for you too as in hindsight you could’ve said to the carer, we need to fix this, either you nip to supermarket for cake and I watch the DCs or the other way round. Pay it but it’s a tough one

She's not baiting, she's being perfectly reasonable.

Yes the child has a disability and a carer, while it's not the OPs fault that this happened, it's always been the case that if you, your child or your pet breaks something by accident, you pay for it to be replaced. That is basic manners that are understood in society. My mum knocked an ornament off a shelf in a shop, by accident. Even though she couldn't help it and it was an accident, she still had to pay for it to compensate the shop for the loss that isnt their fault. My horse broke a fence at the livery yard, despite the fact he's an animal and can't understand that it's wrong to break fences and I have literally no power to stop him breaking things, I still had to pay for it because he damaged someone else's property and they shouldn't be out of pocket because of something my pet did. The fact I couldn't prevent my pets actions are neither here nor there, he broke it, so I paid for it.

You don't just walk off and leave a crying child and ruined party in your wake because it wasn't your fault. It's never acceptable to just say sorry and leave thinking that's sufficiently sorted. Good manners is rectifying damage by fixing it or paying for a replacement regardless of the circumstances.

I really don't see your problem.

Why ? The incident happened. The children were upset that they wouldn’t get cake and the birthday girl was clearly upset that she wouldn’t get to blow out the candles. A perfect opportunity to explain that everyone is different and the little boy didn’t mean to ruin the cake - the kids learn that disability is not a reason to exclude and the disappointment is mitigated a little.

Ouch!

Not reasonable to just refund the price if the cake because she needed a replacement right there and then…an exciting party like replacement to restore the birthday tea to its original birthday-ness.

Yes, it would have been good for everyone to be encouraged to understand that Ds didn’t mean harm, couldn’t help it and that’s ok - all good.

But that’s as well as providing a replacement for cake, not instead.

Very stressful OP.

She was going to pay for the cake though. There wouldn't even be a thread if she had just been asked to pay for what her child broke.

Have you actually spoken to the carer about the incident, op?
The whole mess is surely down to him?

I would have offered to buy you a coffee OP and if I was buying dessert for everyone would have got one for your son as well.
If it was my child's birthday and they were crying and upset over a cake they would get told off and told to be more understanding

You can't expect "the cheapest" replacement. Everyone expected birthday cake, a special dessert. The birthday mum likely was trying to solve the situation quickly, make everyone happy and her daughter feel special.

Obviously there are coulda/shoulda/wouldas, but, you never intended this and it's not your fault. You fixed it, but it stings. Don't begrudge the other mum.

You're right to just pay and move on.
You are doing your very best and sound like a star to me. 💫

Were they a bunch of Veruca Salt type children?
Kids will get over something like that in a couple of minutes, no big deal at all.

I don’t think anyone was suggesting that a lesson in inclusion was somehow meant instead of making amends. I do think that other parents there should have showed a bit of restraint and supervised their kids when ordering replacement ice creams. £110 for less than a dozen kids to have an ice cream is exorbitant and I can’t help wondering if some took advantage.

I guess it’s similar to dropping red wine on someone’s sofa or carpet and only replacing the wine.
But it’s hard because we don’t know if the pudding situation was a free for all or if a standard pot of ice cream was offered to control the cost…

yes if I was OP I would have offered to pay and sent a small sorry gift to the birthday girl. Equally if I was the hostess my manners would have said not to worry and I would have paid for the desserts myself. Manners on both sides of the situation would make everyone feel better I think.

manners, communication and kindness would make the world a much better place. The OP would not have a massive bill and she wouldn’t feel awkward and the birthday girl would have got a small token gift as an acknowledgement of her cake being ruined.

I think this is right, OP, sorry. A cake sourced and brought in for the party is always going to be cheaper than desserts bought at the place on the day. If the puddings had cost the same as or less than the cake then you'd only have to pay for the cake, but she's had to buy the guests puddings and you've got the evidence of what they cost.

It's very bad luck for you but I think you have to cough up.

I am so sorry, though, you must have been absolutely mortified and your daughter too.