To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

Agree. I don’t see why she should have been expected to cover the cost of the cake, if she was already offering to pay for the kids to have a suitable alternative. I really don’t like the analogy of the horse either. This is a disabled child with clearly significant needs we’re talking about. People really should have a think before posting.

Your son, through no fault of his own, ruined her birthday. You have to pay.

But there was no way to simply replace the cake. The OP was clear that she was in no position to sort this out herself.

So an alternative was sorted that was more costly because options were very limited. That's very unfortunate for the OP, but it is what it is.

This sums it up perfectly.
Maybe billing for the cheapest available dessert is reasonable but you are quite right is saying that there is no way that the birthday mum would have spent so much on desserts if she (or her own DD) dropped the cake.

I would pay for a replacement cake and puddings. How mortifying ☹️

Yeah, not meeting outside and then taking him into the party, after missing phone calls is not great. I've done that sort of work in the past and I sure as hell wouldnt just fuck off and leave the OP to deal with a situation I helped cause. They should have stayed (for free) and helped sort it out.

OP I’m so sorry this happened to you, what an awful situation to have to deal with.

I’m more sorry for the snotty response you’re getting on here though, the arseholes are really coming out of the woodwork today.

My middle brother (two years older than me) is profoundly autistic. I know this type of scenario can arise because this the of thing happened to my family on occasion, and my poor parents had to pick up the pieces and try and explain to the other mum and dads, he can’t help acting the way he does it’s just a symptom of his condition and he actually has no control over it.

Sometimes things in life go wrong, and we have to deal with it, so in all honesty, the birthday girl’s mum should grow a fucking spine and either say , “Oh dear, what an unfortunate, unexpected accident. Never mind, no dessert today, but we’ll have some at the next party”. Or “Oh dear, what an unfortunate, unexpected accident. Never mind, we’ll pick up a new cake from the supermarket on our way home and anyone who wants some, come back to ours for quick slice of cake and a cup of tea”. And in that scenario you reimburse them for the cake. Some attendees would probably take them up on the offer, some won’t. Frankly who cares, it’s dessert for gods sake, it’s not life and death.

OP please do not pay this mum back, she is massively taking the piss.

It’s a good life lesson for the birthday girl too, shit happens. Deal with it and move on. You can’t turn on the TV these days without being confronted by dire and hopeless situations for Ukrainian children, Israeli children, Gazan children, Syrian children, Yemeni children, Sudanese children, and so on. Perhaps birthday girl could do with being reminded about how lucky she actually is. Particularly as, unlike the OP’s child, she’s not going to be reliant on the state for her quality of life for the rest of time.

And to the PP describing the OP’s child as”a strange boy…” seriously, I hope to god you never have a disabled child, because the you’ll know what it really feels like.

Why would you pay for both ? The cake was ruined. An alternative was paid for. And why would the incident be mortifying for the OP ? Her son is disabled. It’s not like it was a deliberate act of sabotage.

I hope it’s resolved for you O.P. Life is tricky sometimes.

I’d be asking the carer why on Earth he didn’t hand your son over to you! Why did he think it acceptable to just leave him and go?!

But yes you should be covering the costs of the destroyed cake and replacement desserts.

if I were the mum I wouldn't have asked you to reimburse the cost
if one's you I would have run out to get another cake or cover the cost of deserts

👏👏👏

”Strange” as in “unknown”, I presume.

id pay it simply because your child ruined another kids birthday party.

Although I think you did the right thing by paying, I think the mum letting the kids order whatever they wanted was ridiculous and unfair, especially given the circumstances with your little boy. Hope you're ok 💐

Sorry, I think you’re rightfully in the hook for this one. Unfortunately, disabilities can come with unforeseen financial costs, whether it’s something like this or having to replace crucial things someone with ADHD lost or having to buy new clothes that are easier to put on after a paralyzing stroke. It’s too bad for everyone, but her property was destroyed nonetheless.

I think this is what they meant: not strange as in odd.

If your son has any kind of special needs and I was the mum of the birthday child I would have refused your offer of money

Your child ruins something, you pay. Not the child’s fault but not relevant.

Well, I guess mum will be reading this in DM. Is this why OP posted? Pay but shame other mum? I so hope not.

Situation unfortunate on both sides.

And if the host mum simply can't afford an extra £110 on her child's party budget either?

So sorry this happened op. The birthday parent massively took the piss she should've just ordered them all a cheap treat.

How awful to have seen the distressing situation you were in and then send a 100 quid bill. Some people are just absolute twats .

Yes for a cake. Not £100.

This is the true cost to the host. It’s irrelevant what the cake cost. The host didn’t choose to order individual desserts, she had no other option. She couldn’t leave the party to purchase a replacement cake!

Once more, why both ? The cake was ruined. OP paid for an alternative on the day. Why would they need another cake ? And the carer didn’t leave the boy - OP was in the loo and the carer was waiting with him. The incident happened because the carer let go of his hand, not because he left him there alone.