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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

1000 replies

ForTidyShaker · 15/03/2025 10:21

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

OP posts:

Onleemoi · 15/03/2025 10:31

I think you pay the lot too. The puddings had to be replaced, why should the other mum be out of pocket?

ShinySquirrel · 15/03/2025 10:31

That sounds about right to me - it's to cover the damaged cake and the desserts she had to buy in place of serving the cake. You need to view it as making her whole so she isn't out of pocket.

I'm on the fence about whether it's fair or not, given that what happened was an accident, but that's besides the point as you offered to cover the cost.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 10:31

lilyboleyn · 15/03/2025 10:24

If he destroyed the cake only, you pay for the cake only, and maybe a bottle of wine. Not the whole shebang.

But his actions (destroying the cake) meant the mum was left with a room full of kids who needed feeding. If OP just covers the cost of the cake only, the mum is left massively out of pocket through no fault of her own - how is that fair?

tinyshoulders · 15/03/2025 10:31

I don’t understand why you think the cost of the cake in a supermarket is relevant? First of all soft play isn’t a supermarket, but also, she didn’t have the cake anymore. She’s sent you the bill that she had to pay to be able to give the children an alternative dessert. By not paying you’d be expecting either for her guests to have gone without, or for her to be further out of pocket after already paying for an expensive party. I don’t see how you think that can be reasonable.

PreesHeath · 15/03/2025 10:32

Looks to me as if you are being asked to cover the cost of alternatives to the cake which wasn’t used. So say 30 individual items instead of one cake serving 30. I think she is being a bit cheeky as I’m sure there would have been a cheaper option (and was the cake really completely destroyed - why not just cut off the affected area?) and unforeseen things happen but in your position I would probably pay if I could afford it as your son created the situation.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 10:32

Mnetcurious · 15/03/2025 10:30

Obviously you meant cover the cost of the cake, not “replacement desserts”. Ask how much the cake cost because that’s what you’ll be refunding, and no more. Her choice to then order dessert and allow children to choose expensive options.

What other choice did she have? OP's son destroyed the birthday cake and then OP left, leaving her with no cake and loads of unhappy children!

Closetangel · 15/03/2025 10:32

I think you should pay, shit happens but your Son ruined the cake and she had to get replacements. Therefore, you should cover the cost

LogicalImpossibility · 15/03/2025 10:33

You offered. She accepted, and can prove that was the true cost of replacement desserts for all the kids at the party. I think you have to suck it up.

In the moment, I can’t imagine a) keeping excited party guests waiting while someone ran out for more cake, possibly running g out of booked time at the venue before it arrived or b) serving guests a cake that someone had stuck their hands and mouth in. So she want with option c), buying individual desserts, and that’s what it cost.

Overthebow · 15/03/2025 10:33

You said you’d cover it. Your DS ruined the party tea, kids were crying it’s not want anyone would be happy with when they’ve paid lots of money for their kids birthday party. Of course you should pay for replacement desserts, what were they supposed to feed the kids?

FatherFrosty · 15/03/2025 10:33

Seriously, where is the compassion in the replies?! op has had a carer for her son, it’s not like an unattended toddler just nommed it.

Besides, surely she had a duty of cake over the cake?
If the cake was sat there uncovered anything could have happened to it

Favouritefruits · 15/03/2025 10:33

If just send a message back saying you meant you’d pay for the price if the cake, not desserts for every child and just say your really sorry snd it’s just a misunderstanding

BarneyRonson · 15/03/2025 10:34

Who should pay for the party desserts going ahead, given that it was due to you that they cost £100+ .

ooh, difficult question…..or, you, obviously.

LucieLemon · 15/03/2025 10:34

I would’ve met the cost of a replacement birthday cake only. The children didn’t have to all have individual deserts, they had already eaten at the party.

The vast majority of the parties I’ve taken my children to we have either been given a small piece of cake on leaving, or in some cases they’ve kept the birthday cake on a back table, I assume for the family to take home. Aside from blowing out the candles it was not an integral part of the party itself.

Dora33 · 15/03/2025 10:34

The parent should have bought all the children the lowest price ice-cream/ desert. Allowing some children to pick the more expensive deserts wasn't fair.

I would text back that you had only expected to pay for the costs of the cake.
Would never have agreed to pay for the more expensive deserts. Suggest that you will pay half the price of the deserts.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 15/03/2025 10:35

You’re paying for everyone to have a desert, not to replace the cake. Her out of pocket expense for what your son did was £110 - not the cost of the cake. I can’t imagine she had many more options than getting everyone something available on-site or face having very disappointed kids (tbh they may well have been already!)
Honestly I get it’s not a great situation for you either, but she’s budgeted and ponied up a huge amount of money for the party already, and now has to pay this out of no fault of her own? I think you need to cover it.

KnickerlessFlannel · 15/03/2025 10:36

Duty of care over a cake is hilarious, like it's a legal responsibility 😂

ThighsYouCantControl · 15/03/2025 10:36

As others have said I’d pay for only the cake, not the ice cream. Unless I was minted and could afford to make this whole thing go away.

Massive empathy OP. I have a child with SEN and a looonnnnggg history of impulsive behaviour.

attheendoftheendofmytether · 15/03/2025 10:36

I’m with her actually, as crap as it is for you. Kids parties are expensive. Say her budget was £200, you’ve made it £310. For a lot of people that’s a huge difference. I wouldn’t be able to land that on someone.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 10:37

FatherFrosty · 15/03/2025 10:33

Seriously, where is the compassion in the replies?! op has had a carer for her son, it’s not like an unattended toddler just nommed it.

Besides, surely she had a duty of cake over the cake?
If the cake was sat there uncovered anything could have happened to it

I feel sorry for everyone involved - OP, the carer, the other mum, the birthday girl and all the children at the party. It's a horrible situation for everyone.

But that doesn't mean OP shouldn't have to cover the costs. She walked off and left the other mum with a massive bill and a roomful of upset kids!

DaleyDerDrache · 15/03/2025 10:37

You should pay it.

supersonicginandtonic · 15/03/2025 10:38

Of course you should pay. Your child destroyed the cake, also upsetting the birthday child and she will feel it spoilt her party. The mum couldn't go out and get another cake so she had to give the children something which is desserts at the place. Think how many disappointed kids there would have been.

Frostynoman · 15/03/2025 10:38

To say you will cover the cost of the cake isn’t a blank cheque for the parent. A magnum each would have been overly sufficient. Also, I don’t see that birthday cake is ever going to be the only dessert there. She is absolutely taking the mic. Cover the cost of the cake - this Mum is being utterly ridiculous.

pizzaHeart · 15/03/2025 10:38

biscuitsandbooks · 15/03/2025 10:30

While I can understand it's a bit of a shock, I think £110 is pretty reasonable for individual desserts for children at a soft-play type place.

Your son's actions meant she couldn't serve the cake, nor could she just go out and buy a replacement - so she had no choice but to get all the children individual items. I think you need to apologise profusely (again) and pay the bill.

I agree with this ^
she needed to do something quickly, she couldn’t do shopping. At our soft play going for a cake would mean minimum 30 minutes of waiting if traffic was good. She couldn’t opt for this and ordered what was available.
You promised to pay, you pay and look carefully into why it’s happened to prevent similar happening again.

igiveuptrying · 15/03/2025 10:38

I think you have to pay. There was a cake waiting to be served - your son unfortunately destroyed it and they had to do something to replace it there and then. If you wanted to replace the original cake you should have gone to the nearest supermarket, bought the cake and brought it to them assuming they still had time left on the slot they booked.

Glassesandhat · 15/03/2025 10:38

You need to pay . It’s not just the cake it’s the distress and inconvenience. You should deduct it from the carers wages for not doing their job properly.

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