To not expect to owe her £110 for ice cream?

[ForTidyShaker]

I have a receipt from her so it is the true cost.

My daughter is 6 and attended a friend’s birthday party. She was ecstatic to be going. It was at a soft play with someone doing princess make over hair and make up (face paint, all very sweet and harmless). Lovely time.

They had food. And then they were suppose to have cake. I’ve actually seen it in Waitrose, it’s a lovely cake but didn’t cost hundreds.

Anyway, the parents stayed. My son, had respite with his carer for the morning and I was meeting the carer in the car park for hand over after the party.

The party was running a bit late, and there was no sign of his carer. I rang and no answer. He’s had him a while so I wasn’t overly worried.

I went for a quick trip to the loo and was literally only 2 minutes max - I came back into the party room and DS was there with his carer looking for me - And he let go of his hand. DS ran straight for the cake and dug his hands in, eating it.

The other mums were giggling, birthday girl crying. My own DD crying. I was mortified and intervened straight away. But the damage was done.

I apologised over and over whilst handing a very upset, confused and overstimulated child. And told DD we have to go. Before leaving, I gave DS to his carer and ran over, telling the birthday girl’s mum I’d cover the cost. She did a weak smile and then said see you soon

DD was beside herself and had a really awful time of it. I paid the price, believe me.

Anyway, the birthday girl’s mum messaged me today with a bill for £109.59!

’Please see attached the receipt for the replacement desserts. Some children had more expensive things so it was quite costly. Sorry. Hope you are okay Anna’

AIBU not to pay almost £110?! The cake was a standard celebration cake I’ve seen before in the shops 😞 Would you just pay?

Thankfully, DD knows her from an activity and not school so no awkward school run trips.

But she’s not paying over £100 for a cake, she’s paying for the cost of replacement desserts. If she’d offered to pop out and replace the cake, fine, but she didn’t. The mum had a dessert, someone else ruined it, this was the option she decided was easiest and the op offered to cover the cost.

Nobody's really wrong in this, it was an unexpected incident. The main consideration for me here is that for her and her DD it's a one-off, but you and your DD may have these sorts of incidents for many years; so the onus for kindness above fairness falls on their side. If it were my party then I'd pay, pr if it had been my son then I'd pay, but if money was tight then that would be trickier. If the party was over, she could have sent cupcakes into school, no need to buy up every £5 brownie. You'll know next time to be clearer that you'll refund the cost of only the damaged item.

This time just ignore that it was obviously misunderstood: "I'm very sorry for what happened and hope your DD is recovered from the upset of it, but I will only be able to refund the cake as offered on the day, I'll send you £30 now."

I actually feel quite bad for you as this was the carers fault. Having been in a similar situation I know how hard it is to find a good carer so although they should be paying you probably don’t want to ruin the relationship

If you can possibly afford it I would pay but I think she’s being a bit unfair and in her place I would have asked for less.

I think you did the right thing there, OP. That mum had to provide some kind of cake substitute for a lot of children at zero notice. If she'd had time to think about it, she might have managed the situation differently, but it was a shock and an upset for her too.

You said you have seen the receipt. Is it itemised so you can see how much each dessert cost?

Have they ordered just for the party kids or ordered a load extra?

I'd want to know more details before deciding how much I would pay.

Horrible situation OP, but I'd pay it.

If you pay, say, £50 to replace the ruined cake, the birthday girl's mum is still £60 out of pocket because she had to pay £110 to make sure the kids still got dessert.

For all you know that’s what she did. At a soft play they’ll charge £3.50 each for an ice cream I. Some places. If it was a whole class party that’s about £100. Its not like she was in a position to go and shop around - she was literally in the middle of a party and responsible for all the children.

This.

She obviously had to supply alternative desserts considering your son destroyed what she was going to serve.

Agree. I'd also be so mortified that I'd just pay it.

Really horrible situation for everyone; sounds like you dealt with it as best you could but yes you need to pay.

It's not fair for the other mum to be out of pocket at all especially as she has probably had to deal with the fall out of the party being not as planned towards the end and an upset birthday girl. Might have been slightly different if it had happened with a child who was actually invited but not sure...

If that's what she had to spend on desserts then that's that.

Yeah it’s itemised

There were 10 girls there including DD so it’s spread across 9

When was the party? Seems weird to not have sent the receipt instantly. I think you have to pay it all. You offered and letting the kids get a dessert instead of the ruined cake seems like something most people would do.
it all sounds odd though.
Can you post a picture of the receipt hiding any identifying details?

Read the opening post.

She quotes the Mum saying that some of the children went for more expensive options. That’s is taking liberties.

The op has sorted this but the carer is not to blame for an uninvited child damaging a cake

That’s expensive for so few kids! I also wouldn’t cover the cost of the cake if I’m covering the cost of the desserts, it’d be one of the other I think.

I don't think you can get upset about her "not ordering the cheapest thing" when you decided to walk off and not take responsibility for your DS's behaviour.

I get you were upset and embarrassed but you just left her with an upset child and a roomful of upset kids - she did what she could to remedy the situation as fast as possible. You could have offered to stay and buy everyone ice-creams but you chose not to.

I feel bad for you, don't get me wrong, but the mum didn't exactly have much choice here.

The mother is very reasonable. Your son ruined the cake she had.
To save the other children’s disappointment she had to purchase desserts at a much higher cost.
You can’t complain about this.

Were the other adults at this party singularly lacking in initiative or common sense? Assuming that the venue wasn't in the middle of nowhere, someone (not you or the party mum) should have offered to pop to the nearest shop and grab a replacement cake as quickly as possible, leaving their child to be supervised by another parent. That is what I would have done. I've popped out for pizza and sausage rolls at a party before when the host incinerated the first lot.

That said, I think you have to pay now OP.

This is the part that bothered me. Surely you’d just order everyone the cheapest thing, ice cream, and that was it?

Why, though? They shouldn't have to have shit cake or ice cream. It's her child's birthday.

So she’s went and ordered everyone fresh ice creams etc from the venue and then sent you the bill? Ouch. She shouldn’t have done that without you saying you would cover the cost.

Yes I would pay - the cake was not edible so she had to pay for dessert from the play centre. £110 for the cake plus puddings is reasonable.

Sorry but I think you have to pay up.

Its unfortunate, but I think the cost of the cake itself is misleading.
The damage involved her in extra unplanned expense and you'd created an expectation that you would refund her, so yes I think you do have to pay.

If someone had come to your DD's party and done that and also upset her.. the mum probably had to get more deserts just to calm them all down, I think you'd also be asking for them to refund the full expense you'd incurred because of it.

Sorry OP, it must have been very upsetting for you and your family too. But I'd chalk this one up to experience.