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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS pulling out of looking Ddog last minute

200 replies

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 09:50

DH and I are due to go away this weekend, everything is booked and it's for a special event.
We asked DSS if he would mind looking after Ddog (our family dog, a dog he was very much part of the decision when she joined our family) it's the night before and DSS hadn't arrived as planned, due to course work. AIBU to not understand why he can't come as planned, do his work here? I'm now anxious at leaving tomorrow in case he doesn't bother coming to look after Ddog. I just can't understand the logic, apparently he'll come down tomorrow afternoon once we've gone. But it's just not sitting right with me....

OP posts:
RunningJo · 13/03/2025 09:52

You or your husband need to speak to him & ask him exactly what time he will be arriving.
You can’t go away not knowing if your dog is going to be fed or let out so plans need securing

Cardinalita90 · 13/03/2025 09:57

Is there anyone else living locally you could ask last minute instead? Parents or siblings?

I wouldn't want to risk the dog being left for too long either. But DH needs to speak to his son.

TwentyTwentyFive · 13/03/2025 09:58

Is there anyone else you can ask? I would not feel comfortable going away if I didn't know he was already there especially given he's already gone back on the original plan. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the event as I'd be worrying he hadn't come over to care for the dog.

caffelattetogo · 13/03/2025 10:01

That's not fair - his dad should speak to him and explain he needs to come over today.

newsateleven · 13/03/2025 10:15

"AIBU to not understand why he can't come as planned, do his work here?"

What did he say when you asked him? Maybe he needs a lot of books he can't be bothered to lug over, or maybe he needs to return something to the library, or maybe he's studying with someone else.

You could offer to pick him up, but there's nothing stopping him going back anyway.

If you don't have a Ring camera or similar you could get one to see if he shows up and set your mind at rest. It's a good thing to get if you're going away anyway.

Original poster
xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:22

There is no one else that can watch Ddog, I've been asking DH all month to get a ring doorbell before we go. But he hasn't.
I now don't want to go because I'll be too worried about Ddog 😢

OP posts:
Comparisonisthethiefofjoy11 · 13/03/2025 10:28

Why don't you just write dog? Why Ddog 😅

TwentyTwentyFive · 13/03/2025 10:28

If there's no one else to look after the dog I wouldn't go personally.

Also a ring doorbell isn't going to help if he doesn't turn up as you'll then be at the event knowing the dog isn't being cared for.

KvotheTheBloodless · 13/03/2025 10:29

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:22

There is no one else that can watch Ddog, I've been asking DH all month to get a ring doorbell before we go. But he hasn't.
I now don't want to go because I'll be too worried about Ddog 😢

Why didn't you get a ring doorbell yourself?

ClairDeLaLune · 13/03/2025 10:30

Is there some back story why you don’t trust him? To me it’s perfectly reasonable what he’s decided to do - get his course work out of the way in peace and quiet at home then come to yours when you actually need him. You don’t need him there tonight, he’d probably wouldn’t be able to concentrate on his work at yours, you don’t need him till tomorrow which he’s agreed to do. He isn’t pulling out of looking after your dog, you’re over-dramatising.

If you’re that untrusting of him, get DH to talk to him.

WellsAndThistles · 13/03/2025 10:31

Phone round the local kennels, it's only March so you'll hopefully get a last minute booking.

Never rely on DSS ever again for important stuff.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 13/03/2025 10:32

So you leave tomorrow and he will arrive tomorrow? That's what normally happens with our dog sitters. Do you genuinely think he would leave your dog abandoned? That would be such an incredibly awful thing to do that it's a really big accusation. If he's on a roll with coursework or whatever and just wants to keep his head down is it really that much of an issue?

Azandme · 13/03/2025 10:32

You don't need him until tomorrow there's nothing wrong with him deciding not to come the night before. It's also not an indication that he won't come tomorrow.

All it shows is he wanted to be at home on a night he WASN'T looking after the dog.

ClairDeLaLune · 13/03/2025 10:32

WellsAndThistles · 13/03/2025 10:31

Phone round the local kennels, it's only March so you'll hopefully get a last minute booking.

Never rely on DSS ever again for important stuff.

Why wouldn’t you rely on him again? I can’t see he’s done anything wrong.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 13/03/2025 10:32

WellsAndThistles · 13/03/2025 10:31

Phone round the local kennels, it's only March so you'll hopefully get a last minute booking.

Never rely on DSS ever again for important stuff.

Why? He's still planning on coming tomorrow to look after the dog. He doesn't need to spend the evening with his dad and stepmum tonight to look after the dog tomorrow night.

If she doesn't trust him, she shouldn't have asked him in the first place if she does trust him then she should trust him to do as he says he will do

SpringIsSpringing25 · 13/03/2025 10:33

ClairDeLaLune · 13/03/2025 10:32

Why wouldn’t you rely on him again? I can’t see he’s done anything wrong.

Show quote history

Exactly

Original poster
xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:34

She's never been to a kennel and I would be comfortable with her in that environment.
I didn't get the doorbell as I started looking and DH took over, saying he had more time and wanted to get the right one.
Ddog gets the same D as not so darling husband or darling step son at this point.
This is the first time we've left him in the house alone for a full weekend, so I am a bit nervous to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:37

It's more the I'm sick of being let down at the last minute with him.
He constantly says he'll come, then something happens last minute. I think his plan is to have his GF here for the weekend, which we haven't agreed to so is avoiding us.

OP posts:
elessar · 13/03/2025 10:37

Does he have form for being flaky, and totally irresponsible?

Surely this just needs a call from his dad to check he’s fully committed to coming tomorrow, and to make sure he will be there in time. Unless he is totally irresponsible (and frankly an uncaring arsehole) surely he’s not going to leave the dog abandoned all weekend? That would be extremely cruel.

is there a reason you would believe he would behave like that, barring him deciding to come down tomorrow instead of today (which doesn’t sound unreasonable to me, no reason he needs to come the day before if you’re still at home)

Cushionseams · 13/03/2025 10:37

apparently he'll come down tomorrow afternoon once we've gone.

Unless he has form for letting you down - what's wrong with this? He hasn't pulled out.

NeuroSpicyMumof3 · 13/03/2025 10:40

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:37

It's more the I'm sick of being let down at the last minute with him.
He constantly says he'll come, then something happens last minute. I think his plan is to have his GF here for the weekend, which we haven't agreed to so is avoiding us.

Why would you NOT agree to this?! He is doing you a favour, the least you can do is let him bring his girlfriend with him?!

elessar · 13/03/2025 10:40

xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:37

It's more the I'm sick of being let down at the last minute with him.
He constantly says he'll come, then something happens last minute. I think his plan is to have his GF here for the weekend, which we haven't agreed to so is avoiding us.

Why wouldn’t you let him have his GF over for the weekend? You’re not even going to be there?

Bluenotgreen · 13/03/2025 10:41

What’s wrong with DDog? I always say that. He’s my favourite family member most days tbh.

Anyway, so you are saying DSS has form for flaking. In which case he shouldn’t have been an option.

Get DH to ask him what time he’s arriving tomorrow.

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 10:41

So, it’s an adult step son who doesn’t live with you as he is at uni? You’ve asked for a favour, and won’t agree to his girlfriend staying as well. Why not?
He’d usually spend his weekend with her, I would assume. Since he has to come home and look after the dog, why can’t she come too?
Would he actually leave a dog to starve over a weekend? You know him, if you think he is capable of that then you should never have asked in the first place. He is going to come, he might bring his girlfriend. Who cares?

Original poster
xpectingtoomuch · 13/03/2025 10:43

He's 17 nearly 18 and she is 17. We've not met her yet. So I'm comfortable with a stranger in my house. The deal was she could stay, if we met her. Offered options, all declined. Now this.

OP posts:
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